And Considering Online Spaces
Earlier this week I was speaking to a fellow author about how the nature of online reviews has changed over the past few years. While there has always been genuine criticism, as well as a mix of opinions, the level of hatred and personal attack via review has increased.
When we are unable to handle our own emotions inwardly, we push them outwards. Often onto convenient yet “safe” targets, such as celebrities, authors, and random people online.
On a personal level, what we cannot recognize or look at inwardly we make shadow: we put it onto another person or event. We cannot feel our own despair, so we become overly despairing at a news item. We cannot feel our own anger, so we notice the anger in others, or become overly angry at others for small things.
If we become cognizant of our shadows, we can reclaim them. We can observe who and what we react to in the outer world, and question why we are reacting that way.
What we deny, repress, or wish to ignore regarding ourselves we see in another person.
Our individual suffering, and the unhealed suffering of those who came before us create a collective shadow.
In the modern world the average individual experiences suffering, large emotions, as well as a separation from reality that creates large individual shadows that cannot be resolved individually. When our pain becomes large enough, it requires connection– another human being, a group, a connection to divinity– to resolve.
Over the past decade or so there has been an increasing amount of separation between the individual and reality. This has quickened due to the pandemic.
On a spiritual level, the pandemic represents the individual who at the very ocean floor of their being feels alienated, unworthy, and unloved.
We all begin in this world feeling some type of connection: to earth, to sky, to stars, to family and community, to divinity, and to our ancestral and collective past.
For the past few decades those with sight have watched the fracturing of the world, the fracturing into individual “truth” at odds with collective truth. We require collective truths to hold our world together. We weave our reality together, and decide together what is true.
We are experiencing increased tribalism, where we are so far divided into specific labels and identities that any other identity and label or thought or idea or person outside of that “tribe” is considered a threat. They are to be “canceled”, shamed, harmed, hated.
As we become more and more dependent on the metaverse and the internet as our place of communal gathering, we become further unmoored from reality. We become fractured further into group realities that do not connect with greater or common realities.
When we are connected to our physical bodies, to the physical world, we are much more likely to see the humanity in one another.
We are also more likely to adhere to cultural and societal norms considering “truth” as well as “goodness”: to be able to look outside of our personal bubble and to see and consider other people and our effect on them.
The internet is one of the easiest places for us to place our shadows: the unhealed and untended to life, reality and emotions that we are not ready or able yet to reconcile within ourselves.
Due to the nature of the internet we can find our shadows mingling and joining with others. Similarly disconnected and wounded souls can find themselves in groups where their collective reality, fractured from the webs of greater reality, can consolidate.
Such consolidation occurs by surrounding ourselves with others in the “tribe” who think and believe similarly to how we do, while any other ideology or “tribe” is met with contempt, shaming, hatred, or some other form of “othering”.
The more time we spend with groups who do this, the more fractured we become.
To become an individual, who can think freely and can see reality with nuance, without taking part in this form of tribalism, is a remarkable thing.
With any clarity the world is a difficult place to be in. It is full of suffering and pain and ignorance and wrong use of power. It is unfair, unjust, and out of touch with its emotions.
We have created such large shadows that loom over us. World energies can some days feel so incredibly raw, the type of pain that creates such immense (and understandable) existential distress in all of us.
It is totally normal to feel a state of grief, despair, anger, pain, and any other emotion at the state of the world.
We in fact should feel these very things.
There is a difference between feeling them, of allowing for ourselves to feel them, and drowning in them.
One of the basic discernment questions I teach people is the question of is this mine? This can move on to further questioning– basically, where the energy we are feeling is coming from.
Often those of us who are sensitive will realize that we are picking up energies from the world, or a specific event occurring in the world. This may also be a sense of doom or anxiety prior to a large event, even if we do not know what that event may be.
In realizing where the energies we are feeling are coming from, we can more clearly observe them. We should feel, and feel deeply for the world.
But to process those emotions is to allow for ourselves to deeply feel, to recognize why we are deeply feeling, and to allow for them to pass through us.
So often we get hooked into world energies because they allow for us to deflect our own energies. If we are feeling angry, a large world event that creates anger can allow for us to become mired in that anger. It can allow for our own anger to come forward, to be seen and experienced in a way we might not otherwise allow ourselves.
This does not mean that we are not angry about a world event. It means that the anger we feel is triggering something within ourselves that we could stand to look at on an individual level.
In one of my courses I had people sit with the energies of several websites. One was a gossip website. Several students told me of the up and down of feelings they experienced while on that website. Along with the gloss and the glamour and the unobtainable wealth there was also hatred and shaming and coveting and fear (of death/dying/true crime and health information).
In another course I asked students to consider openly and honestly what websites that they visited the most, and to really sit with why they visited them. They discovered that they would visit particular websites when they were already feeling self-hatred and disillusionment. These websites would then consolidate those feelings.
Basically, if you already hate yourself and the world, the internet or your favorite streaming platform will be more than happy to show you more to hate and that you are righteous in your hatred.
This then causes for those emotions and expressions to gather, to become stuck within us and within our world.
Our emotions are like weather systems. If we allow for them to pass through, they will. If we continually remind ourselves of the pain and suffering of the world, they will persist.
This does not mean to ignore reality in any way. That is just as dangerous. Being stuck in the light because you refuse to acknowledge the dark is a splitting from reality that creates even larger shadows. Being too mired in the dark to the point where we cannot recognize the light is also simply not helpful.
To accept that the world is unjust, unfair, and full of suffering is a lot to ask of anyone. But in allowing ourselves to recognize this reality, we truly can accept it.
This acceptance does not mean that it is right or okay. What it does is allow for us to stop expecting the world and the people in it to be something that they are not.
It allows for us to take back the energy and time that we spend on hatred, on division, and on the type of tribalistic thinking that causes for us to shame, blame, or attempt to convince the “other” to change.
When people have their hearts and minds open to change, they will seek out what they are looking for. This is a hard truth, but one that allows for us to see people, and the world, as it is.
It is in this seeing that we can clearly utilize our time and energy to be of service, to bring light into the world, to reconnect to the world.
Our own self-realization and developing compassion for ourselves is so vital. Our collective shadow is thick with the self-hatred of so many. As cheesy as it sounds, loving ourselves is revolutionary. It dispels this darkness. Grounding and accepting our bodies and truly living our lives is revolutionary in a world that is becoming more and more disassociated.
We do have a choice of how we spend our time online. Questioning how we feel when we go onto specific websites (before and after… this will show you why you may be drawn to a specific website in the first place) can allow us to do our small part in taking back our energy and emotions from the collective shadow.
Be willing to reach out to others to help with emotions and energies that are too large to work with individually. We heal through connection.
And lastly, if you are feeling that the world is a place filled with pain and suffering and darkness, recognize that you are completely and totally right.
But it is easy to get lost in this darkness. Listen to music, learn, engage, look at art, watch the birds, do something to bring beauty into this world. To remind yourself of the beauty and love present in the world that is underneath all of the pain.
I have had multiple clients over the years tell me that someone simply texting them or calling them to say “hello” has reminded them that they are not alone. It has prevented them from a desperate and lonely act. Acts of service do not need to be large, and we never know how much they can mean to someone.
Allow yourself to feel whatever it is you feel regarding the world. Do not ignore it, deny it, or shove it somewhere (like back into the collective). When you do this, practice boundaries with yourself. We talk about boundaries so much regarding other people, but boundaries with ourselves is so essential.
We can feel, and give ourselves time and space to feel, and then we can move on with our day. If we do this often enough, we can recognize that our emotions do not have power over us. They are simply messengers, energies that move through us.
If you are willing, look towards your individual shadow. When you get invested in a world event, or even drawn to a particular website or game or tv show, there is a reason for that. Utilize your “body deva” and ask why.
In doing so, you will do your part in healing not only yourself, but the world.
Mary Mueller Shutan is a spiritual teacher and author of several books, including The Body Deva, The Shamanic Workbook series, and The Spiritual Awakening Guide.
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Thank you, Fang! I do find that accepting all aspects of ourselves, including the darkest aspects of ourselves, truly allows for an acceptance and love that would be difficult, if not impossible to find otherwise.
I also come from a lineage and family where emotions were not to be expressed, and I am glad to see that changing in our culture at large. It will take time to come into balance with it, but individuals willing to look at and accept those really dark aspects of themselves not only transform their own lives, but our society and world as a whole
Mary,
Recently I have come to realize that to be able to see and accept someone as they are without trying to change anything about them is a great type of love. But if it weren’t for your teachings I would not have come to this place of understanding.
In an interview you did a while back about how to release energetic contracts, you mentioned something like our anger is not going to be healed by being told “you shouldn’t be angry”, but by being acknowledged and accepted for what it is and by someone telling us “you have every reason to be angry”. It just clicked with me.
As well as you mentioned in Working with Kundalini that we need to accept even the most vicious, bloodthirsty, apathetic, amoral and despised aspects of ourselves for exactly what they are without trying to change them. I have seen many teachers teach self-love. But this is revolutionary and empowering. By allowing someone to accept all those aspects of himself, this person is given the complete freedom to be himself. It is indeed by offering all those parts acceptance without trying to change them that we can truly integrate them and become whole again. And our acceptance/compassion also goes to those parts of ourselves that are resistant to change.
If I am to list everything you have written that has helped me it would have to be a full essay. But those are just a few of the examples. I come from a culture where from a young age I was told to conform to a series of standards/norms, a lot of which is really suppression/repression. These teachings are truly liberating. From these teachings I see your deep compassion for the human species in general.
That’s beautiful, Fang. I am glad that my work has helped you to get to that place. It is such an amazing place, that acceptance of things and people exactly as they are. Looking at former humans with that same compassion and understanding really allows us to see the spirit world as an extension of our world, complete with both suffering, pain, and love.
Online is so often where we attempt to purge our shadows. I find that I need to take breaks from it, to practice boundaries within my self, because it is so easy to lose the beauty of the world while immersed in the swamp that is much of the internet.
Often students (or readers, or listeners in the case of music) don’t recognize how much that teachers/writers/etc love when students truly “get” what they are teaching… that sort of spark that can be passed on. So thank you for sharing 🙂
Mary,
In the past few months, an important task for me is to learn to accept people as they are without trying to convince them to change. One thing that has helped me is your teaching that spirits (former humans) have a right to evolve on their own terms. This also applies to those who are living as well. And no one can force anyone to change. The other teaching that has helped me is you mentioned that people are just where they are and they are really doing the best they can. Whenever I witness the huge amount of toxicity online, these are probably the most helpful things for me to feel any kind of compassion for those people. And to have some kind of peace.
Thanks, Sylvia. One of my favorite songs!
This lament made me think of the song Bright Horses, beautiful, thank you.
Carla nailed it. One of a few key takeaways that resonated with me too. It’s critical to let yourself feel!
Not ramblings Mary,but very good insights that have got me thinking about those energies and since my first post I have stopped my online war discussions.I am back to peace and I can hear the birds outside singing again:)
Hi Barry-
I do find that the quasi-anonymity of the internet can allow for individuals to connect as well as to release emotionally. In the unanchored, disembodied quality that the internet allows for it also allows for us to bypass the parts of ourselves that form barriers and boundaries to vulnerability. Basically, we can share more deeply and be more intimate with others, as well as connect with others in a way that may be difficult for many of us in our human bodies/interactions.
I do find that there is use for this, and for people gathering for discussion. However, I do question the type of catharsis this creates and if it is truly helpful. I do think it can be, that placing our grief and fear outwards like this can result in great artwork for example (Stephen King, for example), or it can help us online feel like we are not alone.
But there is a question for me as an energy worker/shaman as to what happens to that energy. Does it truly process and the individual person feels lighter after? Or does it refract back to the person? What happens to the sum total of all of the fear, anger, or gossip that is created through such discussions? In my line of work these energies can consolidate and take shape, and in some way then shape or go into the collective.
So I do find that there is a balance (of course) where we can connect and share ideas and energies in a helpful way… but because of the lack of embodiment that happens in our internet interactions (we interact mostly mentally, through the third eye basically) I question how much processing of emotions can occur (body-based), or am at the very least interested in how the type of connectivity differs from bodily connection, as it seems there is still a great deal of aloneness that is still present in online communication. Anyway, just some ramblings. Thank you for your thoughts
Hi Mason-
I think that hope and feeling eager and excited about the world is a beautiful thing. They are helpful things to feel regarding the world, and our lives. But sometimes our world, or our individual reality (due to trauma, loss, suffering, injustice, etc) can be a dark place, and that darkness can sometimes take hold in a way that it is hard to see ourselves out of.
I do think that paying attention to the world, and the lives of others, is helpful. To be more informed regarding the world– not in a salacious way, but in a way of honest curiosity– can help people to understand our reality more clearly. To put ourselves in the shoes of someone who has a different experience of reality than our own, or to study history or politics or the natural world in such a way that we can know both its darkness and its light.
Perhaps this blog will never resonate with you, which is fine. It may at some point in time, at which point I hope for you, as I hope for everyone out there– that they will see both the dark and the light of this world, and to recognize that they intermingle and co-create one another.
Hi Carla-
You are welcome. People do tend to want to look towards the light, and understandably so… but for so many it is like going from A to C while skipping B. We cannot truly express forgiveness, empathy, light, etc. (“C”) unless we are able and willing to feel and give validation to the parts of ourselves that feel separated, sad, angry, etc. (“B”).
This is how compassion, understanding, and clarity are truly developed. When we allow ourselves to truly feel whatever we are feeling, and to in no way dismiss or discount the emotion arising, the tide of that emotion ebbs, as its message has truly been heard by us. Over time the stockpile of emotions that have been ignored or separated from wanes, and we can simply react to the situation at hand and move on with our lives as we see fit to, understanding that emotions are simply messengers, whispering something to us that we should pay attention to and perhaps make decisions regarding. Glad you enjoy the Body Deva! Looking towards the body and healing with(in) the body is so necessary and remarkable.
Thank you Mary, appreciate your insights as always
Thank you Mary, for writing this. I find your message to be a welcome voice to the reality I am living . I feel less alone reading it.
Thanks for the compassion and caring for us all which impelled you to write it.
Dear Mary,
This post was exactly what l needed to read and feel.
It was like writen for me.
Thank you for it.
I have been drawn into the Ukraine war discussions online and there are huge emotions being released from many people. In the online world,War and terror are releasing emotions.
If I was to say this is a good thing, I would get attacked by those that do not understand.But it’s also hard for me to say it’s a good thing because War is Horrific…..so is it bad?yes….is it good?yes….it seems to be everything.
The online world can be a warzone and it needs a battle plan to navigate and stay strong.RNR is important from the online wars.
I enjoyed this blog,it was timely and insightful.Thank you.
I’m not sure I can see where you’re coming from this time. My spiritual life is not quite in tune with this post. You ask us to feel whatever it is we feel about the world. I feel eager. Excited. My bubble is cozy, but if there is something much beyond it, I’m ready to know what it is.
Agree with Ian! What a healing salve this post is.
“And lastly, if you are feeling that the world is a place filled with pain and suffering and darkness, recognize that you are completely and totally right.”
In the spiritual community that is actually a bit of a stunning thing to hear.
It is so helpful to remember too!
I know I have been told not to hate and not to be angry. To be given permission, even encouragement to allow those feelings to exist is actually very huge. The “always be positive” crowd feels so shaming.
Thanks for putting all this together in such a clear concise way. Body Deva work is so very healing.
Brilliant post, Mary. You bring together so many supposedly disparate topics into an interconnected, truthful, and compassionate whole. I rarely come across this. This blog piece could constitute a guide to modern living, and I love your unfailing honesty in the face of many dark realities which the sensitive souls among us see and feel only too keenly. Many thanks.