When I was younger I kept my anger under wraps, stuffing it way below the surface and way below my every-day consciousness because it was just too much, and as a short, too skinny and ethereal looking small child it really wasn’t culturally appropriate for me to express the anger that I felt. As I have previously talked about, I also had the tendency to pick up the emotions of others and the environment around me which led to a roller coaster of emotions that I did not have the tools or realizations to understand at the time.
As I got older I got involved with bodywork, which teaches how to clear this anger… the anger of old traumas and experiences. This work was (and is) enormously helpful, and clearing the anger that I had towards my early childhood and my experiences of this world were integral in my ability to live in this world with a sort of ease.
Beyond that anger there was anger from my family, ancestry, from society, and even the world that I then processed. I did this again as a sort of way to clear any sort of residual expression or experience that was not of my current Self or that wasn’t vitally mine… anything that did not need to be there I cleared, anything that was blocked or harming free flow of energy through me rose.
After this point I began to realize the power of anger. There was a time in my life that I looked at any emotion as “bad”. I stopped myself from experiencing any emotions that I considered “bad” which ironically also had the effect of stifling any “good” emotions from truly expressing. I began to see that no emotion is bad, that they are all expressions of divinity.
It is easy to engage in the sort of new-age platitudes that only light and love are divine and everything else is dark, evil, “of a negative vibration” (one of my favorites), and to judge and dismiss others because they have anger or any other sort of emotion.
A realization about emotions came to me. That I deeply feared them, and the expression of them. That most other people do the same. All emotions boil down to fear. This realization was profound for me, as I began to look at not only the “negative” or “destructive” emotions that I held but also the “positive” and how I feared expressing those.
Most people will not allow for themselves to be happy or angry out of fear. It is a fear of our most primal, emotional selves. A fear that if we really got to know ourselves, we wouldn’t like what we would find. A fear that we could really be everything we want to be and have everything we wanted and accomplish what we really want to in this world. A fear of knowing with total and complete certainty who we are.
I then began to see all emotions as part of divinity with individual divine currents. The current of anger is one also of outward expression, of getting things done and of a primal sort of sexuality. The current of grief is one of inward reflection and creativity. The current of joy is an outward expression of vitality and often physical health. The current of fear is one of inward expression, questioning, and a stopping of any momentum in our lives.
I began to see these all as beautiful, unique expressions of divinity, with different purposes, flows, and intentions.
In an ideal state we would embrace all of our emotions as ourselves. We would have compassion for the most evil aspect of ourselves as well as the shiniest aspects of joy. All too often we do not allow for ourselves to explore or embrace either… so we are stuck in a middle ground of repressed emotions and fears… lashing out at anyone and everyone around us.
When we truly explore our emotions, sit with them, embody them in the most divine of ways we are able to divorce them from specific people in our lives. The person who is saying bad things about us at the office is just seen as who they are– a person filled with fear and anger. The person who doesn’t understand is seen as who they are– as someone filled with repressed anger and fear to the extent that they are not willing or even able to understand. People simply are who they are, and most people really struggle with emotions. They cannot allow themselves to sit with or express rational and appropriate anger, to feel the divine flow of anger, because of all of the anger they have stored… they are unwilling or unable or not conscious (or unwilling to be conscious) of the amount of stored anger they have, or even the idea that they have anger. They fear because they know that they have this anger, no matter how mild mannered, meek, or love and light they try to appear. They fear all of the angry, disassociated, parts of themselves and constantly berate themselves, and by extension anyone else, who has anger… even healthy and appropriate anger. They cannot have true joy and bliss in their lives because they fear it.
We are all aspects of divinity. We are all light. Most of us are struggling on the surface, disassociating from any sort of embodiment or emotion because we are unable to recognize that all aspects of ourselves are divinity itself. I wish for every one of you to wake up to the understanding that all emotions and all aspects of yourself are divine without question.
When we realize that everyone is divine, that all emotions are divine, we can sit back and divorce ourselves from the chaos of others. From the layers and layers of struggle, chaos, sleep, and anger that they are attempting to shove down into some deep layer of their psyche or the fear that organizes and terrorizes their lives. We can feel compassion for who they are and the fact that they struggle to such a great extent.
Most people really need to feel that there are aspects of themselves that are “bad” or “evil”, and in the repression of those emotions (which are readily seen in their energy field by someone like me) they are not allowing themselves to truly move forward, to progress, or to experience bliss and joy on a deep level.
I encourage people to sit with their emotions… all of them… and realize why they might think that they are “bad”. What is wrong with anger? What is wrong with fear? What is wrong with the darkest emotion we can currently recognize? What would happen if we befriended our anger, our hate… had compassion for the fear? What would happen if we talked with our fear… if we thanked our fear for protecting us… and then let it know it does not need to protect us to the extent that it is? What if we did this gently, without condemning any emotion that arises? If we saw the beauty of anger to the same extent we saw the beauty of joy?
I worked with a spiritual healer for a short while who fed on emotions like anger. He said that we wasted them, and that they were a source of power that we willingly just threw away. We are only too willing to become disassociated, disembodied, and give away our power out of fear. What would happen if we saw our own power? The power of our own emotions? If we allowed the pure divine force and current of everything is this world flow through us? What would happen if we put down the facades, the masks, and the judgement of anger or anything else that we experience? If we actually allowed ourselves to feel it, to allow it to flow through us, instead of saying that we are “spiritual” or “light” and that anything other than bliss (which we will not experience ironically if we do not feel other deep currents of emotion like anger) needs to be shoved down, disassociated from, or for us to pretend that it is not there?
What would happen is that we would become whole, embodied individuals who experience divine flow on a regular basis. We would be able to move forward with large leaps in our lives. We would experience the full continuum of emotions… fear, anger, joy, grief, happiness, bliss… and they would all inform our lives with their separate divine flows. We would see other people as who they are– divinity itself struggling with its own layers of trauma, chaos and fear that is holding it back from expressing itself. We would see that people are holding themselves back from really experiencing life… from experiencing anything good or bad… and often only make a small amount of progress in an entire lifetime out of fear. People are vitally unique expressions of the divine. They just don’t realize that, so they hold themselves back, sabotage themselves, and treat aspects of themselves as “bad” or “evil”, not realizing that in castigating these emotions, judging these emotions in others, that they are showing their own unprocessed emotions and trauma, their own lack of embodiment and wholeness, to the world.
The world and our emotions, our physical body, our primal selves, and anything else we can name that is within ourselves is a blissful if we let it be. Everything within ourselves can be sat with, loved, and held in a safe place. I imagine a world where we all sat with our emotions, where we processed them appropriately, where we treated them all with compassion and love. It would be a beautiful place.