One of the things that my Kundalini awakening taught me was how to surrender. And surrender again. And again…
This is not a rarity for anyone on a spiritual path. In order to awaken we must surrender the layers and layers of conditioning that create what we consider to be a fairly concrete, external reality (our day to day lives). The trauma, beliefs, and understandings that we have developed, that have been given to us by others, that society and the world has given us. Our reality is an illusion… what we consider to be reality is an illusion I should say… and when this reality begins breaking down… when we must surrender a layer of it or choose to surrender a layer of it… we become more of who we fully are. Our selves without obscuring elements.
This is a powerful thing. The more layers we cast off, the more we surrender, the more we become who we truly are. Who we were meant to be. We become embodied, we become truth, we become light.
Our minds/egos tell us not to surrender. Our minds create elaborate tricks to keep us where we are. Our minds create initiations, tests, illnesses, and circumstances in our outer reality when we think about changing. There was a time that when I would plan to re-start my yoga practice (yet again) and I would wake up that morning ill… or when a layer of conditioned reality, a belief or understanding was lifted off of me, that I created an illusion of huge spiritual tests to make logical sense out of no longer having that belief color my world, no longer constrict my view of the world, to make sense of that limited view no longer being present.
Surrender can be a difficult thing. It can shake us to our core. Because even though we may be in pain, we may be in misery, we may feel alone on a planet filled with billions of people, we are used to our circumstances. We are used to our pain and despair and isolation. So the idea of change is scary for us. It is especially scary for those of us when we seemingly do not choose to surrender… the surrender is forced upon us. In significant or sudden awakenings we can have totally different identities, beliefs, and understandings of the world from one day to the next, one hour to the next, even five minutes from the present moment if a blast of energy goes through us, releasing some of the layers quickly.
But surrender is really a beautiful thing. It is change. It is divinity. For long periods of time I heard the phrase “let go and let God” reverberate through my world. At the time I was resistant. I was antagonistic towards it. I did not see that surrender is the divine current of change– it allows for us to become who we truly are in this world. The more we allow ourselves to surrender the more we realize that we are not alone, that our pain and separation does not define us, and that change need not be frightening.
When we allow for ourselves to simply unfold into divinity, without stopping ourselves and blocking ourselves, simply surrendering what comes up without the creation of elaborate illusions, we can remember and reveal our light… our true selves… our power. We can continually be who we are meant to be, and continually become more of who we are. The obscuring layers can simply release without chaos.
When we truly let go… not of our physical circumstances and not even of our mental constructs but on a deep, cosmic consciousness type layer… allowing ourselves to feel the fear rise, to not feel in control, and realizing that when we let go like this all of those beliefs that are harming us, that are keeping us restricted into limited identities and limited realizations can release. We truly can release our trauma, release the layers of conditioning that have been given to us. We only need to understand that we can… and that beyond what we consider to be our selves, beyond what we have been given… we do not need to feel alone, afraid, and out of control. We can simply unfold with grace, with humility, with ease, and with the full knowledge of being held by something much greater than ourselves.