I have always felt like I am not a complete person, like I wasn’t connected to myself. My soul or my spirit is not one with my body. It’s been like a part of me, and frequently I have thought my soul, is trying to pull me or is called elsewhere. Whether on this Earth or beyond that.
Also, this feeling coincides with when I get these other feelings of something or someone unseen approaching. Usually it’s a heavy, dark and mysterious feeling. I always feel that something is about to happen but I can’t figure out who or what it will be. I just know by how strong the feeling is if it will be someone close in my family. The stronger the feeling, the closer to me they are, and it is usually a death. Now, I just say that I feel death. The feeling normally doesn’t fade until the event happens.
I feel that this year I have become more sensitive to both feelings I have described to you. I can now feel it for people I have never met, but live in my area. Here is an example of a recent experience. One night, I was sitting around the living room as my mom cooked in the kitchen. While I was checking my email the air suddenly became heavy, familiar, but also unfamiliar, however it didn’t feel ominous. It felt like someone was around. I spoke out, more to myself, that someone was here and I asked to no one particular, “who are you?” I felt it more a person this time. The thought of my deceased granddad came to my mind I broke down crying. I could not stop. The feeling was so strong and overwhelming. I tried thinking if it could be something or someone else, but nothing seemed to be a better answer than it being my granddad. My thoughts came back to him and it touched my heart. It felt like an affirmation.
When I finally spoke to whomever it were, believing it to be my grandad, I smiled and told him that I was glad he was visiting but his presence was very strong. I nicely asked him to tone it down some and then the feeling began to subside. A few days after that visit my grandma was rushed to the hospital after having a heart attack. I have felt that he came to let us know something was about to happen. I tied everything together, but I’m unsure of what I may be feeling or going through. It’s a haunting feeling, but it’s beautiful also because I feel more than just the physical of this world. None of it bothers me, except that I don’t understand completely what it is and that maybe it could be just in my mind or really something more.
It sounds like you are a natural medium and psychopomp. A medium is someone that can see, feel, or sense that spirits or other beings or energies are around them. Typically, most people use the word medium to mean that you can see dead people. However, historically people who are natural mediums utilize any of the psychic senses (meaning that you can see, sense, hear, even taste while being a medium depending on your natural psychic tendencies) to communicate with the deceased. Your natural psychic tendencies means whatever psychic abilities are open- some mediums tend towards seeing spirits, others hear them, others simply feel changes in the environment. A student of mine can taste a difference in the air and smell certain spirits. Many mediums have more than one psychic ability that goes along with mediumship, or will naturally develop more abilities or stronger abilities if they work with their mediumship skills.
The other aspect of mediumship is that although it is traditionally thought of as speaking or communication with the dead (as in dead people), this is a popularized notion. Real mediums are often quite empathic, and can sense many different things in a room- from emotions to spirits to beings of all sorts. And yes, dead people. But also everything from medical information on the living to seeing portals and mountain spirits can be developed or utilized with the ability of mediumship.
Mediumship is typically generational- meaning that someone else in your family has it. They may not be willing to talk about it, but sometimes it can be comforting to know that this ability comes from somewhere. Mediumship is typically one of the strongest psychic abilities, and can be one of the most overwhelming. Natural mediumship comes with a certain sort of light, or vibration within you that allows spirits, beings, and other energies know that you have the capability to see or sense them. This will draw them to you (picture yourself as a big nightlight, basically).
With mediumship often comes psychopomp capabilities. A psychopomp is someone on this side (in human form) that can help facilitate transit of the dead. This is where all of the feelings of death come from for you- you know you are intended to work with them, to help souls pass over. Picture Ghost Whisperer, but less cheesy. Until you are able to develop boundaries and understand your experiences, you will likely be overwhelmed by mediumship and psychopomp abilities.You need to develop a certain skill set that will allow for you to learn how to take on these roles you have been given, and learn how to draw extremely firm boundaries so that you have control over how and through what means you choose to interact with what comes through to you. You need a spiritual bouncer and to connect with your spirit guide. If you have a family member who is open about being a medium or sensitive and seems stable with their abilities, you can always learn from them. Since it sounds like that may not be the case for you, I suggest looking for a physical teacher who can help you learn these tools.
As far as your other question regarding feeling not of this Earth, or pulled elsewhere, I would hazard a guess that it is because of your mediumship and psychopomp abilities. You feel pulled elsewhere because you are elsewhere. You have one foot in this world, in this reality, and one foot in another reality, or many other realities. In addition to finding a physical teacher who can help you with your psychic abilities, I would suggest connecting to the Earth and becoming as embodied as you can in this reality. Play outside, hug a tree, use your very human senses- see a good movie, a play, a concert, eat good food… connect with friends and family again. You are a physical being for a reason. Enjoy it.
Interested in submitting to the Spiritual Advice column? Contact me here with the heading “Spiritual Advice”. Please note that I am not an allopathic physician or psychiatrist, and my advice is not intended as substitution for the advice of those professionals. I reserve the right to edit emails for clarity.
Mary Shutan L.Ac, CST-D, CZB, ABT offers readings, services and programs for people undergoing Spiritual Awakening issues, including Kundalini syndrome, as well as for people dealing with psychic abilities. You may contact her to set up a consultation for an appointment or go here for information on readings.