Hi Mary-

Thank you for your book first of all! I also enjoy all of the information I have read so far on your blog. I hope you can help me with this. I have always been psychic I guess. I remember being little and talking to imaginary friends and seeing spirits when I was a kid. I think I stopped my abilities because my parents got angry with me because I had them. They would get angry and tell me that I was just making things up so somehow I stopped things?

Anyway, I started getting them back when I was a teenager. So here is my question. I know in a blog you read about how many fakes there are out there. I get really, really angry about this. I get really angry when someone tells me they are psychic and I know they are not, and I get upset at all those reality shows of psychics. I have had a difficult life because I felt like I had to keep my abilities secret. I feel like living in a world where I am able to see so much is hard, and everybody talks about psychic abilities like they are great. I am doing better with this now, but when I look at other people claiming to be psychic and I can tell that they are not I just can’t help really disliking them.

How do I get over this? That is my simple question. I don’t want to feel the anger I feel but some of these people and the whole world seems so fake about this. I get tired of seeing books and people talk about how great it is to be a psychic. They are all so fake!

– Angry Psychic

Hi Angry Psychic:

So this is a common problem for people, and a common problem with society at large, so thank you for bringing it up.

First, let us talk about society… Yes, you are right. Most of the people claiming to be psychic are not. Most of the people who are professional psychics are not psychic. They just have good P.R., they are gregarious, they can cold read people (look for psychological cues), they can google, etc.

But here is the thing. Most people when they are looking for a psychic don’t actually want a psychic. They want a Medium who tells them that their lost loved one is safe and loves them, they want someone to tell them that everything is going to be okay, they want someone to tell them that they will meet the love of their life, that their boyfriend (or girlfriend or husband/wife/partner) is not cheating on them, that they will become wealthy, and that they will get that new job and become a millionaire.

So there has become a whole market of illusory psychics who tell people this sort of stuff… and since it is what people want to hear it works out. It is “fake”, but both sides get what they need, basically. There is a lot of illusion in this world, however.. not just in the realm of psychics… and we all sometimes need to hear that everything is okay.

I used to have a lot of difficulty with the fact that all of these “psychics” were basically feeding off of the despair of others (especially in the cases of mediumship, but also in general), and how anyone with any amount of psychic ability can tell how they have no (or very little) actual sensitivity or psychic abilities, but at some point I realized that most people generally find what they are looking for. 

If people want illusion, especially comforting illusion, they will find the illusory psychics. If they want someone to actually tell them how things look, they will find a spiritual reader or worker that actually has psychic abilities. It is just how things go. We find the truth we are prepared for. And if we want to be comfortable, for someone to tell us that our dead whomever forgives us, we will find someone who will tell us just that.

It is funny– there used to be a woman in many of my bodywork classes who would come in each workshop and loudly proclaim with a huge smile on her face that she was clairvoyant. Looking at her you realized that she was probably the furtherest thing from clairvoyant in the room (there were probably five-ten students and teachers all of whom were more sensitive/psychic than she was). At the time this made me extremely dislike her. It probably didn’t help that she quoted the same b.s. that all of those people do. People who are actually sensitive tend to have their own direct experiences and revelations of a spiritual nature and generally don’t need to quote Eckhart Tolle or whomever I have found– they can just speak from their truth and not the recycled sayings of others from the latest Oprah show.

There are a lot of people like this out there. It is the grass is always greener syndrome. People who are actually sensitive tend to have a lot of difficulty with their abilities, especially if they are pretty strong, and especially when they manifest in childhood and teenager years like they do with a lot of people (a time known for its already treacherous terrain of hormones and initiations all of a physical and mental variety… and where we are never celebrated for being different… because being different- thinking or seeing or sensing differently- at those ages means that you need special attention… or these days medication).

People who wouldn’t know something spiritual if it hit them over the head with a spirit hammer are always the ones claiming to be psychic or sensitive. This is why 99 percent of the books out there are for opening your third eye, or the same recycled information about chakras again and again. Because people really don’t have their own spiritual experiences– they don’t have the sensitivity level to. So they just recycle the same sayings and knowledge, even if it is false knowledge, again and again like a bad game of telephone.

The other thing is that through their direct experience some of these “psychics” are actually psychic. I often give the analogy of five people walking into a room. Two people notice five things (stimuli, objects, etc), one person notices ten things, one person notices twenty five, and the last notices 2,500. It is likely that the person who notices ten things is the type of person to loudly proclaim their psychic abilities. This is because they notice a bit more than other people, but it hasn’t had a large impact on their life to create trauma.

Because that is what this is all about– trauma. It is hard to be that person that notices 2,500 things when most people notice five. It really is. But the anger is coming from not the fakes, not the illusions, but from your own experiences in this world.

This world is an illusion. People create illusions, and most people only understand their own direct experience. So the “aspirational psychic”– the one who is psychic because they are noticing 15 things doesn’t know about your experience of noticing twenty five or 2,500. They just don’t. They know about their own direct experience of wanting to be psychic, thinking they are because of a book or school or because they have “decalcified their pineal gland” or whatever… they think they are because they are perhaps opening a bit more, or are a bit more psychic than they used to be. But all of this doesn’t really have anything to do with you.

People believe what they need to be true about themselves. If they need to be psychic, if they want to be psychic, if they model their lives after Long Island Medium (or whatever is popular these days in this sort of thing), that is their business.

For you I would suggest working through the trauma that has been created due to your abilities. The more you can release the hurt, the anger, the fear… the more that you can learn how to properly work with your psychic abilities so they are not painful or destructive to you emotionally, physically, energetically, spiritually… the more you can start to let go of this pattern.

There will always be people out there in the spiritual “field” who are claiming to be much more than they are. They have had one or two spiritual experiences so they know the depths of the Universe, have changed their name, and are holding satsangs… they create their own memes… they claim to be psychic.

It is not our job to control other people. They will do and be what they will do and be. And it is out of control to police people who are presenting themselves as something they are not. Truth is, most of us are. Most of us wear a mask to cover up our insecurities, our fear, our unprocessed emotions and needs for control. Most people do this throughout their lives, and do not have the presence of mind or need (or want) to change.. to learn who they truly are and become fully who they are meant to be.

As someone who can see behind the masks like you do, you have this unique ability. So do yourself a favor and let go of the trauma and whatever else is holding you back. You will realize that people are constructing illusions like they always do and just go to a state of noticing when you do notice the illusions (rather than reaction). The fact that you are reacting to this rather than the one million (yes, I made that up) other illusions out there means that there is trauma there for you to work on personally.

For now, when you come across one of these people individually, you can tell yourself that you are releasing any need of control of them. Just repeat it internally until you feel things shift.

When you come across it collectively, allow yourself to realize that so much of the “comfortable illusion” wouldn’t be out there if people didn’t want it. There are other books and resources for you (like me, hopefully!) and if you can let go, if you can realize that most people want to be comfortable, even (and especially) when it comes to spiritual matters… and you are simply looking for something different… you will find what you are looking for… and you can heal.

I hope this helps, and you are (as well as anyone else who is reading this) welcome to contact me for a session. I work with a lot of people who need help releasing this type of anger, fear, and the trauma that comes from having psychic abilities. You can read more about individual sessions for psychics and sensitives here… and read about my ethical pledge here (I do not work with everyone… I only work with people I feel like I can be of service to and are ready for the type of work that I do).

The Spiritual Advice Column: I occasionally answer questions from people on psychic abilities, spiritual awakenings, shamanism/spiritual work, and other spiritual subjects. You are welcome to contact me with your question (please put Spiritual Advice column in the email/note), and I will write about it if I think that other people could benefit from it, and that it is something that I have knowledge about. My advice is obviously not from an allopathic standpoint, and all questions may be edited for clarity and focus.