There was a point in time that I was a seeker. An intense seeker- as in I gave up a solid decade of my life towards finding my “Truth”, my holy grail, enlightenment, why the hell I am the way that I am, etc. During a time period when most people were establishing solid careers, having children, dating, drinking, and working I searched. For teachers, gurus, workshops, books, online, and across the world for someone to help me.
At the time I had no idea what I was really looking for beyond answers. For something that resonated with my experiences and for someone who knew what they were talking about to assist me. I was really looking for a book, a teacher, or a resource that would tell me who I was and what to do with myself. For someone to tell me how to ease the pain, work with my sensitivities and abilities, and for someone to give credence to what I was experiencing which was so outside of what most “normal” people experience of reality that for portions of my life I was truly frightened that I was either crazy, not meant to be here on Earth, and that there was something seriously wrong with me.
For most of my life I was not in my body. Due to significant early childhood trauma as well as genetic predisposition my solution to the overwhelming stimuli coming my way was to simply not be in my body. The traditional advice of “grounding” was laughable because I was floating outside of my body- there was no ground. The other advice of utilizing sage to clear my surroundings was also laughable. I knew that there were spirits, energies, beings and spiritual experiences all around us. Later I realized that they should be around us (and if sage and “thinking light” actually did much I would likely be out of at least part of my job these days) and that clearing methods are best when things are troublesome.
When I began having a Kundalini awakening this all changed. All of a sudden my body was in pain. Severe pain. Disassociation, drugs, and other methods of attempting to cope simply made the process slow down temporarily but not stop. Although I had taken Energy Work and Reiki courses at this point I began being called to study massage, bodywork, and CranioSacral Therapy. I slowly started coming back into my body and processing what needed to process so Kundalini energy was not stuck. I then studied Thai Bodywork and Zero Balancing which made me come back even further into my body. Over the next ten years I studied, became certified and licensed in Acupuncture/Traditional Chinese Medicine, Herbal Medicine, and many different forms of bodywork, massage, and Energy Work. All of this I realize now was to get me to process in a body-centered way the intense spiritual experiences, the Kundalini awakening, and the Shamanic initiations I was undergoing.
During my searching decade I read thousands of books (until Kundalini put a stop to that for a long time), consulted lots of teachers, online forums, and attended so many workshops that my resume looks a bit ridiculous on paper. All of this provided glimpses of either what I needed at best or at worst who I did not want to be and who was spewing B.S. One of the things that comes with being able to see so much and feel so much is the ability to know B.S. when I see it. I have the ability to see the wounds, the inner motivations, and the truth of the person speaking. Most people think that this is a wonderful ability when they hear of it (and it certainly has its moments) but overall it can be very isolating.
Because most people have no idea what in the heck they are talking about. Or they want to sell you something. Or both. I make no illusions that I do spiritual work for a living, and generally find that the people who find me are supposed to, but my sole purpose in relating to people is not to sell them on how “enlightened” I am, or for them to pay me money for my services and programs. I don’t generally have a power trip about how people need to view things exactly how I do, or think that I am superior (although I may know more stuff or have more experience than other people depending on the subject), or because I have attained “teacher” status think that people need to bow down to me. With my experiences I have remained pretty open, which has allowed for me to have spiritual experiences and life experiences that are so weird I don’t generally talk about them, but they also have allowed for me to relate to people wherever they may be in their journey and whatever they may be experiencing on their journey (no matter how weird) without a superiority complex. If you want to work with me as a practitioner, great. If you don’t, no big deal. I don’t need to be thought of as a guru, put my name on my own quotes, or tell people that they need to follow my spiritual system, my way, or else they won’t get anywhere on their journey (this is all the sort of B.S. I heard and saw from teachers and practitioners while seeking, and still see whenever I look at websites, online forums, etc).
My ability to discern B.S. has allowed for me to see where people are. It is not an uncommon ability once you reach a certain point in your spiritual journey- many others report having it, especially Empaths who are skilled. This allows me to see that most of the people who talk so much about how they can see past lives, are undergoing a Kundalini awakening, or can help someone going through intense spiritual experiences as a practitioner cannot. This is not intended to be rude, although I realize that my bluntness can be construed as such. Most people would rather be anyone else than who they are. Most people would like to feel special. Most people create spiritual experiences out of thoughtforms and are preaching, teaching, and working with people as a Shaman, “enlightened” or whatever when they are on the same level of understanding as the people they are ministering, advising, and working with. In fact many of the “seekers” who identify as beginners are far more open than those who consider themselves teachers and have the capability to expand further on their spiritual journey than the people they are seeking advice from. Until they begin to become entrapped in the cosmology of the practitioner or teacher, of course.
So… Pragmatic Spirituality… Or Why I Do What I Do. My response to all of the sheer B.S. that I see is to write and work with people who are ready to see or understand beyond illusions and thoughtforms (their own thoughts and the thoughts of others). Most spiritual teachers and forms of spirituality are mental constructs– this is why you see the endless debates on Facebook, the memes, and the blind leading the blind sort of advice that is so prevalent on social media, in books, and in workshops. This serves to create further illusions, masks, wounds, and rules about what spirituality is, what a spiritual person does, and so forth that are not in any way based in true divinity. Enlightenment is about freeing the self from conditioning. Most of what is represented and sold is further conditioning. I look at my job as a guide, teacher, or spiritual worker as helping others cast away the conditioning, the belief systems, the illusions (even about spirituality), the emotions, wounds, masks, rules and B.S. that is preventing you from understanding this.
I do this in a body-centered, pragmatic, and Earth-based way. We need the physical body. We are supposed to have one. Our senses, our emotions (all of our emotions!) are beautiful. Rage can be exquisite. Our shadow selves do not need to be demonized. Our darkness is sensual. We do not need to stick our heads in the sand any time anything in ourselves or society that is “negative” or “not light” happens. By reconnecting and loving all parts of ourselves and doing it in our physical body we can experience spirituality in our physical body. The spiritual is not “out there”. It is not something you need to do elaborate things to access. It can also flow through and inform your life. Your physical and spiritual natures, your dark and light, and everything else you experience in this world are not separate things. Many forms of spirituality engage in spiritual bypass (or not engaging in anything to do with consensual reality and non-body centered, focusing only on the “light” etc). The world is a beautiful place… emotions, sexuality, our animal natures, our shadow, our light… can all be experienced in and through our physical bodies. We can be deeply pragmatic, logical, mentally-sound, well-resourced, physical, and functional human beings who go to the grocery store, PTA meetings, attend school, have relationships, watch television, eat good food, and more… all while being deeply spiritual.
I do what I do because there is a lack of information for non-aspirational spiritual experiences. By this I mean that there are countless books on how to journey if you are interested in Shamanism. There are countless teachers who tell you that you can become a Medium, or Psychic, or awaken your Kundalini in 6 easy steps. (Most of this is B.S. ) What there isn’t out there are resources for people who are actually having psychic and spiritual experiences that are overwhelming. They don’t need to journey to find their “spirit animal”, to become psychic, or a Shaman, or whatever… Spirits, spiritual experiences, initiations, and more are already occurring. You don’t know how to manage them. Many of you contact me telling me you want them to stop. You are overwhelmed by spiritual stimuli, maybe not functioning well in consensual, mundane reality. There are thousands if not millions of resources for people who want to be more spiritual, who are seeking for a stronger spiritual path, yearning to become Shamans, to become a psychic. When I was seeking this was most of what I found. I went through thousands of books, lots of teachers, educational institutions, teachers, gurus, online resources, chat rooms, and more to find real information. I eventually found what I was looking for (how I stopped seeking a few years ago is another story though), and have realized that my calling is to help others learn how to work with their spiritual experiences, their callings, their psychic abilities in a body-centered, pragmatic, non-B.S. way.
And finally, I am not a guru. I wear no mask. I am a (reasonably) logical human being. This is a difficult one for people, but it is necessary. People want their gurus, they want to be told what to think and do during their spiritual journeys. It is a rare person who is ready to stop doing this. Most gurus and teachers present themselves as “enlightened”, as having all the answers. Nobody understands the totality of the cosmos. They just don’t. Most gurus and teachers act like they don’t have any problems, as if they have transcended all of their wounds and issues. This is yet more spiritual bypass. We all have issues, we all have problems, we all get sick, we all die. I freely admit that I still have things to work through (my grouchiness about the amount of B.S. and spiritual bypass in modern spiritual circles is one of them). Most gurus and teachers will never admit that they have issues, they will not ask for help, they will not admit they still are growing and understanding more and more each day. Divine unfolding, enlightenment, or any spiritual process does not have an end. It is constantly unfolding. What I may know today and what I may know thirty minutes from now may be totally different. This happens to all of us. Unless we stop ourselves by believing our own B.S. about knowing everything. I try my best to be logical- to look at the practical before the supernatural or spiritual. I admit that each day (well, most days) I am growing and unfolding and understanding more and more. And I do not have all the answers. But I have some.
If you are interested in working with me, and are ready to… contact me. I offer email programs, Phone/Skype consultations, and Spiritual Healing work. The work that I do is intense, but typically the people that find me are ready to do so, and are ready to work with whatever they are going through. My work is to teach/guide people and give them the tools so they can understand and work with their experiences.