It is hard for us to take personal responsibility for what we are experiencing. This is especially true when it comes to spiritual experiences, or if we consider ourselves to be on a spiritual path.


You would think that the opposite would be true– that people who would consider themselves to be “spiritual” or who are having spiritual experiences, such as kundalini awakenings, spiritual awakenings, memories of past lives, and people who are psychic, sensitive, empathic, and so forth would take more responsibility for themselves. And for a certain (wonderful) segment of people on the spiritual path, this is very much true. The spiritual path for these sorts is a constant appraisal of their own internal experiences… their own internal work that must be done. And everything else is a mirror, or reflection of that.

But the tendency of spiritual experiences (or emotional experiences, energetic experiences, or physical) when we are on a spiritual path is to either deny them, or deny responsibility for them. It is a convenient form of spiritual bypass– in which we conveniently hang on to the concept of being “spiritual” or having a “spiritual experience” to not look inward, to not accept personal responsibility.

Never is this true more than for the victim. When I speak about being a “victim” it is not as a one-time thing. We all have been victimized, some of us in horrific, life-changing ways. But some take on victimhood as a permanent role (for more on this you can read about the victim triangle). When someone takes on “victim” as a permanent role, the world is filled with people who are just waiting to persecute and victimize them. They are frozen, typically at the age that they experienced a difficult trauma, and are unable to accept any sort of personal responsibility for their thoughts, actions, or the illusions that they create about the world.

In the life of the permanent victim, other people are either enabling them (enabling their illusions about the world and everyone in it persecuting them, thus allowing them to maintain their victimhood state) or other people take on the role of persecutor (someone who typically has healthy boundaries, believes that the person could be something other than “victim” in their lives, or who refuses to enable them or act in the role the eternal victim has cast them in).

The permanent victim is always crying out for attention, to be healed. They will create continuous chaos and drama, casting villains of anyone who suggests that they could move forward in their lives, that they could accept personal responsibility for themselves in some small or large way.

But until someone is willing to look within, to realize that the world and the people in it are not out to persecute them, that the outer world is not filled with “bad guys”; until someone is willing (or able to, as some people are not ready or mentally capable of doing so… or it is simply not the right time to do so) to begin to accept responsibility and heal from their own trauma, to confront their own illusions in some small (or less small) way, the world will continue to be filled with people just out to victimize the eternal victim… or to enable them (which doesn’t get them what they want anyway, which is to heal from their original trauma or traumas).

Until we let go of our internal victim, the world and the people in it will always be looking to victimize us, to cause us harm. If we are able to begin moving away from this, and accept some sort of personal responsibility for our own internal state, our illusions about the world will change– and the world (and the people in it) will be more giving and caring.


Similarly, I speak to people all over the world who have experienced pretty brutal Kundalini awakenings and other spiritual awakening, as well as shamanic callings. I will write a different blog about this soon, but part of the difficulty of actually being called to be a shaman or of having a kundalini awakening is accepting that it is happening.

The biggest difficulty, however, is not the experience itself. Kundalini energies, shamanic initiations, and other spiritual experiences (dark night of the soul, initiations of all sorts) can be brutal in and of themselves. They really can.

But Kundalini is divine energy. It is bliss. It is radiance. Yes, it causes difficulty as it flows through you. But much of the difficulty is created out of our “stuck” material– our trauma, emotions, our fears, our desperate holding on for control. As I have written about, most people who are experiencing a kundalini awakening are not experiencing a “full” one– they are experiencing a bit of the energy… but it cannot flow anywhere (or cannot flow on a permanent and continual basis, it may sort of peak like a wave crashing on the shore occasionally, but it really is about how the energy flows on a permanent basis.. not what has happened once or twice).

And what is “stuck” is the person– their experiences, their trauma, their emotions. Until the person is willing to accept that it is not kundalini, that it is their own unhealed material that is coming up to be processed, and for that person to be willing to work on healing themselves and looking inward, they will continue to have issues with kundalini. And likely blame kundalini. There is no doubt that kundalini is a strong energy. It is massive– like a freight train running through you at times. I get that, I really, really (really) do. But what it is doing is clearing someone, bringing up everything that is unhealed within them.

And it is much easier to blame the Kundalini than to take personal responsibility.

It is much harder to realize that Kundalini is attempting to connect us to our infinite selves, to oneness, to bliss… and that it is not out to victimize us.

People do not like to hear this– we live in a society of quick fixes, of external blame. I do have a lot of compassion for people having kundalini awakenings, but until someone is willing to heal whatever is blocking the kundalini from flowing freely (again, experiences, trauma, emotions) they are going to go through life (or many lives) blaming kundalini for all of their issues, instead of learning how it is a gift, a blessing, pure divinity pouring through you… something that provides way more than it takes away.

Similarly with shamanic callings (which are actually incredibly rare… I can probably count on both hands and perhaps a toe or two the amount of truly called shamans I have met), the biggest issue (beyond spirit-led initiations, which provide an interesting existence but can be exhausting, difficult, life-changing, and so forth) is acceptance. It is of accepting the role, the calling… it is of letting go of the fear, the pain, and the trauma that arises when the role of shaman comes through. What I mean by this is that part of the shamanic calling is of releasing enough of your “stuff” to be able to be a facilitator for others. To have power flow through you, basically.

Becoming a “shaman” is not a self-help path. It really isn’t. It is about providing a service to your community, it is a communal role or trade profession, one that must have proper training and guidance as well as experience to be effective at (similar to all trade professions). But until the person experiencing the shamanic call is willing to get out of their own way and accept that they are being called, their focus cannot be on healing others, or providing their trade to the community.

I realize that this sounds funny because we live in a modern society where every surfer dude and person who has taken a shamanic class calls themselves a shaman, but when you are actually called there are a variety of emotions, disbelief, and rage (typically) that comes through. This needs to be worked through, and taken personal responsibility of, before someone can successfully be a spiritual worker. Otherwise there is still a focus on the self instead of a full working relationship with spirit(s), and until the person accepts the call they are going to be fairly miserable until they do so. Spirit-led illnesses are unfortunate, and miserable, and typically happen at a point when the spiritual worker needs to let something go… or if the spiritual worker isn’t getting something important (the “being hit over the head with an anvil” approach via spirits).

I could go on– empaths, psychics, sensitives. There is no doubt that this population needs tools, tools that are not taught that often (as we live in an aspirational society that wants to be psychic, sensitive, and so forth, rather than management of psychic abilities). But much of what I see, both from my own path, as well as from others I talk to is a fair amount of spiritual bypass by taking on the label of empath, or psychic, or sensitive. Like most things, if you work on your own unhealed material, and are willing to look inward, the weight of being “sensitive” lessens.

When I began working with past lives and ancestral healing I realized that it was another way for people to not take personal responsibility for themselves. Even as my sessions focused on this type of work provided deep healing and release, I had the realization that something was missing. And that aspect was personal responsibility. We all have patterns, traumas, and emotions passed down to us from family, ancestry, past lives, and more (for everything passed down to us you can look at my book The Spiritual Awakening Guide).

But we take these on in our own way. We add on to them based on our own experiences, our own traumas. I often compare this to a snowball– an ancestor or “other” of some sort may have started the snowball. Others may have added on to it. But eventually that snowball rolls down to us. And through our own thoughts, experiences, and emotions we have also added snow to that snowball. And until we unpack our own snow, the snowball doesn’t fully dissipate. This is why in my sessions I heal not only the ancestor (ancestors, past lives, karmic connections, cultural stuff, etc), but return to focusing on the client, and their experience of the energy. This is how to effect full healing.

Even if we have a completely “outer” experience– like a spirit attachment, there is often a sort of reconciliation that needs to happen. A release on the part of the client of the experience. Until this happens, they are likely to experience the same energy or experience again, or similarly. Sometimes stuff just happens– whether it be a spirit attachment or anything else (and whether it is something to open your eyes, test you, or simply just happened is always a consideration). People who get frequent spirit attachments typically have a hole, or tear, in their energy field. (Either that or they are really sensitive and do not have the skills to work with spirits, but that is another blog I suppose). Or both. But there typically is personal work, whether it be learning tools such as energetic boundaries, or healing of whatever created that tear, or opening, that can be done.


So my point here, in this blog, is not to blame. We have all had difficult experiences in this world. It is part of life that we do. But we have a choice. We can choose to look inwardly and to take personal responsibility for our world. We can accept external help from others in our quest to heal our inner nature, our inner wounds, whatever they might be.

When we heal, we move out of victim mode. We move out of chaos. Our lives improve, often drastically. The more we can accept personal responsibility for our world, the more fair, loving, and healing the world can be.

As an end note, I do realize that when you do this, there will still be others that have not accepted personal responsibility for their own chaos, but when you heal yourself, you can look at those people, and the world around you, with compassion. They are no longer a mirror for you, but are just showing you their inner pain, confusion, and unhealed trauma. When you realize this, you take personal responsibility for any part of them that is mirroring something to you, and you can then leave the rest. A lot of people are in so much chaos, so much pain… and I get a lot of questions about what to do. The thing that you can do is take personal responsibility for any part of you that is reacting to them. If you are no longer reacting to them, and can simply look at them with compassion (even if it is something like “wow, that person has a lot of unhealed stuff. I hope they get help some day” or even if it is something like “wow, that person is a total jerk. their lives must reflect that otherwise they wouldn’t act like that) you know that you are no longer mirroring them, and can just let them be. They will decide if and when they are willing to ever take personal responsibility for themselves. We can simply be there if they ever decide to do so.