Spiritual Awakening

Kundalini Manifestions and Symptoms

So it has been quite a while since I have written about kundalini, and I get asked a fair amount of questions about it, so I thought I would write a (somewhat) basic blog about symptoms to answer the “how do I know?” sorts of questions that I receive.

I will say that I am “classical” in terms of my understandings. What this basically means is that new-age pop spirituality has taken the term “kundalini” and turned it into a basic meaning of anyone having any sort of spiritual experience has a kundalini awakening…. with of course the added on commercialism/competitive spirituality type stuff of If you could only have a kundalini awakening, you will have perfect health, be wealthy, immortal, and be more spiritual than your friends! 

Anyone who has done more than surface-level study of kundalini will know that there are many types of spiritual awakenings. You can read about the different types in my book: The Spiritual Awakening Guide: Kundalini, Psychic Abilities, and the Conditioned Layers of Reality

Basically, there are many paths up the mountain. A kundalini awakening is one of them.

To add a bit more complexity to that, at some point anyone who is spiritually awakening will have a kundalini awakening if they get to a certain point on that mountain. There is, of course, a question of how many actually get to that point on the mountain… but I digress.

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It is interesting, before I begin I will note that some people choose to look at my description of kundalini awakenings, or shamanic/spiritual awakenings and so forth as either I am describing them to state that those who experience them are “superior” because in our society if something is rare, or considered “advanced”, or intense spiritually we automatically with our monkey brains want to have it for our own.

This is completely contrary thinking to anyone who has ever had a severe awakening experience, such as a kundalini awakening. 

I have now been working with my kundalini awakening for 13 years (since full manifestations started, I recognize it as a force in my life prior to that now), and I still have days where I wish that it was something I didn’t have to deal with. On some days it is like a ravaging wildfire decimating everything in its path… and I think of the people who really, really want a kundalini awakening or think that they are having one and start to think about the reality of intense spiritual experiences vs. the sort of new-age gloss that makes everyone think that they want intense spiritual experiences.. and the sort of illusory nature of people stating that “kundalini”, which you can evidently acquire, will create some sort of perfected bliss state.

On my more difficult days with this energy I think about how leprosy is rare, but that doesn’t mean that anybody really wants it, and it doesn’t mean that anyone with any sort of wound says they have leprosy. Perhaps an obnoxious example, but full-blown kundalini awakenings vs. what many people describe as their “kundalini awakening” based on ignorance and some really bad writing out there by people who have clearly never experienced it are in two completely different ballparks.

I still don’t understand people wanting rare spiritual experiences, as I know from doing spiritual work for a long time that the people who have them struggle with accepting them for a long time, and struggle with having spiritual experiences that displace them from the norm… as we covet these sort of experiences, we rarely realize the reality that we are looking for them to make us feel special and significant… and the effect is almost the exact opposite. Kundalini is a destructive and purifying force. It releases the patterns and traumas and illusions we have been carrying.

Basically, any form of spiritual awakening will teach you how insignificant you really are. It is one of those “stops” on that mountain, an initiation of sorts, and it is one of those initiations that a lot of people fail… and that you can really tell how far “up” the mountain people actually are by their realization of their own insignificance… and their releasing of the illusion that they are the center of the universe.

Any full-blown kundalini awakening is intense. There is no such thing as a “mild” kundalini awakening.

Even people who have “purified” themselves through counseling, are physically in shape, mentally sound, spiritually aware through meditation… we always, always, always, have illusions that are coloring our world, that are pulling our world together, that pull together our concept of who we are.

And unless we are completely “perfected”, kundalini will be difficult for us mentally/psychologically, spiritually/energetically, and/or physically. There are phases in kundalini awakenings, and typical the physical is dominant at first (physical releases), which teach the experiencer that they are not in control in order to help them to release fear… but my point here is that if someone states that they have had a kundalini awakening, and it wasn’t that bad, or it was easy, 99.99 percent of the time it was not a kundalini awakening, or it was a stirring of the energy.

Kundalini awakenings are extremely rare.

And by that I mean full-blown kundalini awakenings. 

Most people who experience kundalini have experienced either a stirring (a feeling of heat going up their tailbone and spine like in yoga class). Stirrings happen once or twice, and that is it. This temporary experience can forward you on your spiritual path, but a lot of people state that they have had a kundalini awakening and they are referring to this.

When having a stirring you can act normally, you can be around people. You feel some energy go up your spine, basically.

Kundalini experiences are temporary experiences of the energy. They can happen in the presence of a guru giving shakti, or at meditation retreats, or via drugs. They can happen over the course of ten minutes or of a few months.

In a kundalini experience someone will have intense shaking, go into yoga postures spontaneously, and the energy flowing through you will be strong/intense enough that people around you will know what is going on. There is no hiding this– it is an incredible rising of energy through you.

A lot of people have transcendental experiences that are not kundalini experiences. They may channel energy or have an influx of energy. Kundalini always rises (caveat: at first). 

Our bodies hold on to trauma. They have a lot of held energy. In order to release kundalini our bodies move into spontaneous postures, mudras (hand positions and body positions). They can do this sort of statically (into one position) or you can flop around on the floor for half an hour or so going into all sorts of different positions.

The purpose of this is to get energy flowing through your body, to unlock kundalini. Energy has difficulty flowing through the joints of our bodies. We tend to hold energy in the crevices of our form. Spontaneous movement allows for this energy to flow through.

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So we get to signs and symptoms of full kundalini awakenings.

A full kundalini awakening is permanent. 

There is this idea that kundalini just rises up the spine and goes up the top of the head and somehow is complete. This is simply untrue. This comes from people typically who either have had a kundalini experience… or even more typically… who have read a bit about kundalini and learned that this is how it is supposed to go, and then create an illusion/myth about their lives that they have had this experience.

I have had letters from people who have gone to teachers/gurus promising a “kundalini awakening”, and they typically have this thought. Because when you purchase, or believe you can purchase kundalini, your teacher is going to tell you that your process is complete.

But on to the symptoms.

A lot of people I have run across believe that the intensity or “heat” aspects of kundalini are a metaphor, or as if that they were somehow above those experiences, or that their mild experiences equal a kundalini awakening.

Kundalini is hot. It is fire. It is the constant presence of fire. This fire goes through “purification” cycles where it releases specific aspects of the body. We need this fire to burn through our illusions, patterns, traumas, and so forth. This fire is often hot enough to not only be palpably experienced by others around you, but can do things like melt holes in pants.

I have never met anyone who is authentically having a kundalini awakening who does not have a huge layer of volcanic heat in their energy field.

Kundalini is permanent. It is always felt. It may be more subtle at times, it may go into a sort of remission of sorts (but it can still be felt), it will go through cycles and phases, but it is always there. It is always working.

Kundalini creates spontaneous movements, twitching, vibrations. There is some confusion about this one, so I will say that some vibration or twitching happens to a lot of people. We release trauma and energy (qi/prana, not kundalini) through our bodies, and our bodies will twitch or vibrate. Spontaneous movements, body positions, vocalizations are different than some twitching.

I will say that once you have gotten out of the first “stage” of kundalini (generally past the first few chakras), and learn to work more in concert with the energy, that the spontaneous movements stop, or cut down… or at the very least you can work with them.

This is because the energy rises, and most people get stuck in the first few chakras. Our first few chakras are where we hold things like fear, and control, and many people just can’t, or aren’t ready, to surrender to the realization that they are not in control.

People experiencing kundalini rarely realize that what their “ego” is creating is fear, and that their need for superiority, or more aptly put, the reason that they are creating an illusion that they do not need to progress further, or something more terrible would happen if they did, comes from fear. Which comes from kundalini emerging in the first chakra, and will lessen if the person is willing and able to move beyond that fear.

Immense electrical force circulating the body. When kundalini used to really surge for me, it would interfere with the lights in the house, as well as with automatic doors in shopping centers. It really feels like lightning coursing through your body. This is again palpable by those around you. Mild electrical force, known as qi (or body energy) can be cultivated and used in a variety of ways. This is much stronger, and the force is intense enough that people worry that they may spontaneously combust or split open.

Digestive issues. It is not unusual for people experiencing kundalini to need to completely change their diet. This happens in other forms of spiritual awakening, so I will say that in kundalini awakenings people may need to eat only rice for periods of months (their body will not take anything else in) when kundalini is working through the digestive organs… or they may need to drink things like soup (if it is in their throat chakra). The digestive fire of the body is rerouted with kundalini, and complete changes in diet are often necessary.

Again, this is not a “choice” thing… like people deciding not to eat gluten or go Paleo or similar…this is the body having a violent uprising of heat and intense symptoms if the wrong things are eaten for someone experiencing kundalini.

Emotional Lability. Intense processing (releasing of emotions and traumas) as well as the overwhelm that come from kundalini create intense waves of emotions. These can be as huge as a crashing wave, and it can be difficult to tell the source/where they came from when especially intense.

Hyperactivity and Fatigue cycles. In the beginning, burnout and extreme fatigue (sometimes to the point of not getting out of bed) are really normal. Later, period of hyperactivity and feelings of heightened creativity, as well as the ability to get a lot of things done in a short period of time (I once wrote a book in four days, for example) occur. In later periods (after the first phase) less sleep is needed, and more restful sleep is necessary.

So I would say that what I have written above is what I look for in a full kundalini awakening. These happen in everyone I know who has authentically experienced a kundalini awakening. Some of these symptoms will begin to lessen, or change, with time. Basically one of the questions I always get from people who are authentically going through a full kundalini awakening is when they symptoms will stop and/or change, and the answer to that is always that I do not have a specific timeline, because it has to do with how much you are willing to surrender. To give up the idea(s) of who you are, to let go of the idea that you are in control, to let go of any sort of ego-type awakenings (this is often a trick, or more kindly, a spiritual initiation, for the experiencer to see if they are ready to let go and truly move on to the next phase/heart and upper chakras).

Kundalini awakenings are always intense, no matter how you prepare for them. Kundalini experiences are also always intense, no matter how much you prepare for them. Kundalini stirrings are often not terribly intense, are are actually fairly common for people on the spiritual path.

I am so specific about my definitions because while people can call their experiences whatever they like (I have given up the sort of control/fight, and if people want to call themselves kundalini awakened, or a Shaman, or the Pope, they are welcome to), there are people out there that are authentically and fully experiencing kundalini, and it does a disservice to them for there to be so much inauthentic or overly-intellectualized information out there (without any experience to back it up).

So the symptoms I have written about above I would look for in any case of a full kundalini awakening. And to be clear, I would look for all of them. Kundalini can in some cases be cold, but if you are not feeling a force strong enough that you occasionally have thoughts about spontaneous combustion, you are likely experiencing a different spiritual phenomena.

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Other things that can be experienced by those going through a kundalini awakening include:

  • Rapid heartbeat
  • Changes in sexual desire (lack of it, typically at first, then quite a bit of desire)
  • Headaches and migraines
  • Left foot and leg pain, or feelings of that leg being sort of static
  • Back and neck pain
  • spontaneous eruptions of noise or emotions (laughing, weeping, singing, speaking)
  • inner sounds, such as bells, choirs, and vibration/flow type sounds (hard to explain)
  • Mental fog
  • Physical feeling of where kundalini is “working” (for example, pressure in specific areas)
  • Feelings of immense joy, bliss
  • Sudden shifts where you are not the same after (your beliefs about yourself change in an instant, or fairly quickly)
  • Drug addiction– being in overwhelm/lacking resources causes many having severe awakening purposes to utilize drugs and alcohol to stop or numb the experiences
  • Spiritual knowing, increasing psychic abilities
  • Dreaming of snakes, visions of snakes

So in the next blog, I will talk about the symptoms and experiences of what happens when you go beyond these experiences. All of what I have written above is basically the first “phase” that everyone goes through when kundalini awakening. This is what most people get stuck in, and what is written about by a lot of people who have studied kundalini experiences or work with kundalini-bitten individuals, but as surrender and reconciliation with the energy occurs, the symptoms I have listed give way to very different experiences.

What is a Shaman?

So this is seemingly a simple question, and there are opinions and thoughts that many of you reading this have likely read from many disparate sources.

shamanic-1276759_1920As you can no doubt read in some of my other blogs, I call myself a spiritual worker. This is because I both get tired of being identified with the psychotherapeutic “shamanism” movement, as well as can see the side of varying spiritual groups and indigenous groups who are uproariously pissed about white people taking yet something else from them.

As a side note, reading over past blogs is interesting. I used to be much more upset about this matter. This was due to my own unhealed “stuff”, meaning that I had a lot of anger and fear over the fact that I didn’t have much of a choice other than to be a spiritual worker. The irony that so many people really, really want the label of “shaman” and at certain points in my life I would have done anything to not be on the path that I am on certainly doesn’t escape me. I do find that most people who are called in various spiritual fashions go through this– the anger, the fear, and the utter disbelief about what is happening to them. It is the “grass is always greener” syndrome I suppose.

But I will say in general that the new-age “shaman” is concerned with self-healing, with self-help, and with connecting to nature and to the earth. These are not necessarily bad things, although some of the sort of “fluffy” aspects (such as the illogical “no ego” thing, which doesn’t make any sense. Ego death is a stage. And not a very pretty one), or the “do no harm” sort of mentality (which shows me that the person doesn’t actually do anything beyond self-help/psychological shamanism because spiritual work is messy), or the “everything is inside of you” sort of mentality to be a bit tiring. I have had people email me suggesting that I work with spirits as aspects of self. These people are always the types that simply haven’t run into anything outside of themselves, and haven’t done spiritual work for anyone else other than themselves.

But mainly, I wish that there was a bit of differentiation these days between what I do for a living and what most people popularly know “shamanism” or being a “shaman” (or in my preferred lingo, spiritual worker) to be.

Shamanism is based in animism. Not all animists are shamans, though. Animism in simplicity means that everything around you is alive, everything has spirit, and everything basically can be chatted with in some way.

Animism is wonderful– it can help you to feel more connected, more a part of the world. It can help you to realize that we all need to be caretakers of the earth. It is an important job that every single human should be doing. Our destruction of the earth is due to our feeling separate from it. When we realize the earth is vitally alive, when we accept its nurturing, we feel more alive. We feel more whole.

But shamans work with this animistic universe in a specific way. It is not about them communing with nature, or with natural forces, or with various beings and energies. My favorite term for being a shaman is “spirit lawyer”, because that is essentially what the work is about. It is about having not only the capacity to commune with nature, or learning to come into contact with beings, but being able to do so with such depth that you can be a “lawyer” to the varying forces, beings, energies, and so forth that may be in discord with one another.

As a shaman, you “spirit lawyer” between humans and other energies, between beings and other energies, and so forth. You counsel, create agreements and contracts, and break previous contracts that were causing harm or difficulty. You also smooth out relationships between energies of all sorts and help them to get along, or at least grudgingly accept one another.

Being a spiritual worker is a trade profession. I realize that that doesn’t sound terribly sexy. It is true, however. Being a spiritual worker is not a self-help path. It means that you have had a specific calling by the spirits, that you have done extensive training with physical and spirit teachers, and you now are of service to your community. It is a job, basically.

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Being a spiritual worker is a calling. I do realize that this verges on the sort of mystical new-ageings that people love after watching The Matrix too many times and who really, really want to believe that they are “the one”, but there are certain people that are intended to be spiritual workers for their community. Since a young age they have known this. There isn’t a question here, and this isn’t a sort of philosophical musing.

The shaman is part-wild, in touch with nature and spirits in a way that others are not, and have communicated with these forces regularly since being quite young.

There is a certain energy that is palpable, and incredibly noticeable for people who are called to this work, who are capable of doing this work. Those called to be shamans will be inundated with spirits, overwhelmed by spirits until they learn how to properly work with them.

The difference here is that people who are called typically are called in a sort of kicking and screaming fashion. This is not always the case, of course… although it is the case with pretty much every actual Shaman I have worked with or met. The idea that you do not have a choice in the matter, the strange experiences, the sickness, and the intensive training and initiations that a called Shaman has to endure are not pretty. They are difficult. They are life-changing. They are not something that can be relegated to a weekend or whenever the person decides to go in for training.

This type of calling typically manifests in late adolescence, when it is supposed to be a time in modern culture that people are supposed to be really quite selfish (this is in order for the adolescent to hopefully move through this and move into adulthood, but that initiation doesn’t happen as often as it should either). It is typical that for this trade, to become a Shaman, that the person being called will have to be singularly focused on training with physical and non-physical teachers for a number of years. These are years of painful growth which teach the Shaman the tools and allow the Shaman to cultivate spiritual relationships and hold the amount of power that is required to become competent at this type of work for the community.

Being a Shaman/Spiritual Worker is about spiritual relationships. It takes an immense amount of time to cultivate spiritual relationships. If you are not a spiritual worker, chances are that most, if not all, of your spiritual relationships are self-created. They are psychological, or disassociated aspects of you. Spiritual relationships with true “helping spirits” are external to you. They have power. They can function on their own. They have ideas, thoughts, and understandings that are way beyond what you can think up. And when we talk about the “power” aspect it is true– they are palpable presences, palpable by you, and palpable by those who have the capacity to see or sense them.

Cultivating these relationships takes time. A spirit or energy that has a lot of power is not going to say “here, sure, have my power. I would love to work with you”. If this happens, it is typically self-created. Beings, spirits, and energies of all sorts who have a lot of wisdom and power will require you to prove your worth to them, or at the very least will initiate you. Being calibrated to a specific energy, especially if it is much different than human frequency, can be an interesting process. A process that takes time. Otherwise you may not be able to appropriately communicate, or will be “blasted out” by the energy. But my point here is that much like any relationship in your life, spiritual relationships take time. They take trust to build.

Modern shamanism is about the techniques, about the “shaman” doing something, about neatly separated techniques and visualizations. What really happens when someone is called and has been properly trained as a Shaman is that the spirits do the work. They either do the work through possession of the Shaman (a word that is misunderstood), or do work externally.

Much of my work is talking my clients through the mental and emotional aspects of whatever they are going through, as well as relating whatever is going on. My spirits do the work. This is safer, more effective, and quite frankly a lot easier on me than me doing a bunch of techniques.

If you develop spirit relationships, they watch out for you. They do work for you (and through you). And they caution you about people and situations you should watch out for. Once you get to this level, there are little other protections that you need (unless you are being initiated or need to learn something). It is often the case that protecting spirits, depending on their fierceness, will do work separate from you (such as blocking, shielding, or even in some cases attacking or sending energy back to someone) and will later tell you about what happened.

This is obviously quite different than the modern construct of “shamanism”. Power needs to be built over time. It takes a lot of effort and training to know how to wield correctly. It takes a huge amount of time to grow. This is why the training for being a shaman is so long. This is also why the shaman needs physical as well as spiritual teachers and guides to do so. This is also why the shaman cannot do anything else with their lives– basically every other effort in their lives will not go well until they answer the call to do spiritual work. It take a long time to have enough direct experience to be good at shamanic work and to know how to do it effectively. Most shamans, no matter how experienced, will acknowledge how much they have yet to learn.

Shamanism is also about interfacing with other realities, other worlds and planes. Again, this is not for exploring for the sake of exploring or for self-help purposes. It is to help navigate these various realities for clients (be they living human, spirit, or other). The shaman has the capacity for seeing, for traveling, and has enough experience to know where they are so they can assist others in these varying realities.

Shamanism is ultimately about balance. It is not all “light”, or about transmuting everything to the brightest shade of puritanical white that can be found. It is about being of service– to black, white, and everything in between.

Spirits are complex, spiritual work is complex…and I know when someone is doing actual spiritual work when they understand this. I know from my interactions with spirits and beings that the biggest and brightest angel may also be fierce and violent, and a chthonic demonic presence may be brilliantly straight-forward and willing to hammer out a contract.

We as living humans are complex, and the spirit world has that same complexity. Working only in the “light” doesn’t work. If there is anything I have learned from my spirits, from my ancestors, is that the force of destruction or “dark” can be used to destroy sickness (for example). One for one ratios and puritanical Judeo-Christian fear-based constructs about only working “in the light” do not work if you are doing actual spiritual work.

Another aside, but even if you are doing psychological self-help style shamanism, working only in the “light” or trying to transmute everything into light has an ending point. The deep, dark, primal shadow aspects of us do not want to be light. They want to be as they were intended– primal, sexual, wild, violent. If we cannot contend with this, or work with this, or think everything in us needs to be “love and light” we are missing out on some vital work that can be done.

Shamanism is complex, it is wild, dark, light, grey, peaceful, violent, interesting… it is a path of service. There are people called to it– people whose jobs are intended to be to interface with varying spiritual realities, to work with relations and contracts between living humans and varying spirits and beings, to see into and beyond and within. We need people who are truly called to be mediators, balancers, and spiritual workers for their communities.

I will say, as an end note, that I do not have difficulty with self-help style shamanism. I think that people should connect to the earth, cultivate a relationship with it. I am all for people healing in whatever way they are capable of doing so. I will also say that many “shamanic practitioners” or people who learn techniques through me and others are being of service. You can be of service spiritually without being a called shaman. There are many painters, teachers, woodworkers, artists, creators, innovators, dancers, philosophers, writers, architects, plumbers (you get my point) that are being of their highest spiritual good in their profession. You can be called spiritually and not be a shaman.

I just wish that it was called something else, I wish that people who claim to be shamans or following a shamanic path would pick up a book by Holger Kalweit and put down the new age psychology-based books that assure everyone that they can “be their own shaman”… or at least meet someone that has been called and is functioning as a shaman for a while so they can see that pretty much no shaman is going to be a sort of “vegan love and light, egoless, etc” sort of person (most shamans I have met are actually quite blunt, practical, and incisive about their words and actions, and enjoy junk food just like the rest of us) but that isn’t my battle, and I don’t have a lot of emotion about it anymore.

I also think that people doing self-help style shamanism, such as “shamanic practitioners” have a purpose. Not everyone needs a shaman. Some people need someone to listen to them, to do lighter spiritual work, energy work, life coaching or psychotherapeutic-oriented work. Working on mental constructs and emotions is always a wonderful path for pretty much everyone. Generally people find what they are looking for, and I have realized that when people want to find something different, or of depth, they will find it if and when they are ready for it.

Thoughtforms, Illusions, and Psychic Awareness

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There is a belief that is held by some that if we just think about something hard enough, or we think positively enough, we will receive what we are thinking about and hoping for. This sort of simplified thought is pervasive through the law of attraction community, as well as other communities, and discounts the reality of the fact that we must do something to receive what we want in this world (sitting around and being positive/thinking about getting a new car will only get you so far without a job), but also discounts the complexity of the patterns we are given by others, as well as the world, that might make it really hard for us to receive that new car by just positive thinking.

This sort of simplification also tends to victim blame, meaning that if someone did not receive something, or in other cases they did receive something (such as a disease, difficult life circumstance, to all sorts of spiritual issues) that they must not be thinking positively enough. This allows for the person who does not have (insert disease or circumstance here, but let’s just say cancer) to feel safe and in control… because they, of course, are thinking positively so they will never get (insert disease/circumstance here, but let’s just say cancer).

I have talked about this a few times, but I would like to get more in-depth into the nature of thoughts, thoughtforms and illusion.

There is such a focus in the spiritual realms on positive thinking, but much of the focus of “spirituality” especially in regards to shamanism is on journeying, or accessing spiritual realms. We may wish to sense spirits (or sense them already), or access all sorts of beings, or other worlds/realms/dimensions in hopes of learning something. A lot of this allows for the experiencer to feel as if spirituality is off someplace else, instead of right here. Another control/safety thing. If we learn that there are spirits around us every day, that might freak us out, basically.

Spirituality has become escapism, a way to feel a high from a workshop or spiritual practice like a drug addict would in between the monotonous parts of ones actual, everyday, “mundane” life and physical reality..

But apart from the “actual”– the spiritual that is separate from us (such as spirits and such) and even apart from our own psychological conjurings (our invented spirits and power animals and such) we have the sea of thoughts.

We are adrift in a sea of thoughts. It is rarely paid attention to. And it should be.

It is rare that even those who are “sensitive” are skilled enough or know how to focus their attention enough to realizing how many thoughts are truly around us. Sensitives tend to pick up things from other people. There is a focus on emotions for this (and this is important to understand), but most sensitives also pick up thoughts from other people. They may not realize the extent that they do so. But if you think for a moment about how “in our heads” as a culture we are, you can start to imagine just how many thoughts are out there, swirling around. And that we are much more likely to “catch” them, or be open to them, than spirits attaching, medical issues from others, or even absorbing emotions.

We may not realize that the thoughts we are thinking are not our own. 

In fact, a lot of media and the “illusory” world counts on this fact– that we are so displaced from who we are at our core and that we do not understand our beliefs enough that we can have thoughts and ideas basically injected into our minds… or are under so many layers of conditioning that we do not realize that what we think is simply what our father thought (for example).

There are of course ways to learn how to become skilled at sensing and working with thoughts– to learn how to clear yourself (my clearing course is a wonderful start), which will basically clear out stuff that isn’t “yours” on a regular basis… a skill that every sensitive/psychic needs to learn.

There are also skills to be able to see and recognize this sea of thoughts. Although this is a skill that really needs to be taught one-on-one (and I am not just saying that) the simple recognition by the sensitive that they are likely taking on thoughts that are not their own is an excellent place to start. With awareness comes discernment.

But now we come to the other half of this… what our own thoughts create.

It is really true that we create our reality in a lot of ways. But what we do, in general, is create our illusions.

Let me explain. We have our “real” selves, the authentic aspect of ourselves that is a part of divinity. We are whole, realized, healed, and truly in our power. This is within every person.

But then we have layers and layers of illusion and trauma and such on top of this. Either our own trauma or trauma and illusions passed down to us from varying sources (for more about this you can read my first book, The Spiritual Awakening Guide).

So we have these aspects of ourselves that are distinctly “not whole”– they are traumatized and struggling with the patterns and illusions and beliefs that we have been given.

There is also the struggle of everyday life. Life as a human is difficult. It is joyous (or can be), wonderful, blissful, scary, anger-inducing, grief-inducing. It is up and down and cycles through things. And if we have trauma this is magnified.

Most of us are really chaotic– we have so much trauma and very little understanding of who we are as people. We do not know what our beliefs are or who we are separate from what we have been given by others in this world.

But on top of this we create. We create thoughtforms. We create illusions. We create difficulties and more chaos for ourselves.

It really is true that we create our world, in a way. But what most of us do is to create illusion. Out of our trauma, beliefs, and thoughts, we create. Thoughtform is a word (in its simplest definition) that means thoughts taking form. Often into a distinct shape, pattern, or circumstance.

So to be simplistic about this (or try to be) I will say that if we are wounded, traumatized, and out of touch with who we are… we create thoughtforms from those wounds. We create illusions from those wounds. We create chaos in our lives from that trauma.

We create and create some more our lives. If we believe ourselves to be worthless, we will create and shape our world to prove this to us again and again.

To add more complexity to this, there is a saying that “we do not see people as they are, we see them as we are.” I very much find this to be true. We cast people in roles to meet our trauma, we insert thoughts and thoughtforms, basically energetically overlying who they are (their authentic self)… thus casting them in a role to meet us playing out the same traumas and our illusions perpetuated from that trauma again and again.

To add even more complexity to this, a lot of modern spirituality is escapism. I have worked with and met people who have constructed whole worlds, relationships, and so forth that didn’t actually exist (on any level). They did so because they had the natural capacity to do so (they either were naturally talented/able with spiritual work or had meditated for a while) or because on some subconscious (or conscious) level they took a look at their life, realized how difficult it was, and decided to create an illusory world for themselves instead.

This is not an uncommon thing. If we can find a place to “escape” where we feel empowered, brave, sexual, or anything else… that sounds pretty good. However, our thoughts and subsequent thoughtforms have consequences. They shape our reality. And eventually what happens is that instead of becoming more whole, or healed, we go further into illusion and lack of clarity. We further disassociate, we further create chaos and trauma for ourselves. Basically, instead of coming more “home” we further fracture and cause chaos and difficulties for ourselves.

All of us do this in some form– we create out of our thoughts. We give power to our thoughts to further obscure our reality. Our thoughts are “things” and have form, and consolidate into our reality. This is from our unmet needs, from our wounds/trauma, and from the layer of consciousness we operate at.

Oddly, we do this to protect ourselves. Working with trauma is difficult. Working to understand and realize who we fully are and our power is an extraordinary and beautiful path but we often have so many thoughts and beliefs and restrictions from ourselves (as well as our parents, society, culture, gender, ancestry, etc) that the idea of us coming into our own power, into our own clarity, sounds either incredibly impossible or frightening.

We protect ourselves, we protect these traumatized aspects of self… we protect the disassociated aspects of self… the parts of ourselves that want to create difficulty and chaos for us again and again because we believe that we are kept safe if we do so.

If we know that the world is always going to be one way, there is safety in that. If we create illusions and thoughtforms there is safety in that, because we do not have to fully inhabit our relationships and friendships. If we cause further illusions for ourselves, or populate our entire world with thoughtforms we do not have to deal with the messy business of becoming authentic. Of becoming real. Of resolving those inner demons, that inner self that is calling out for attention and focus.

It is far easier to cause illusion, to create thoughtforms… even if they are causing us immense amounts of pain and dissatisfaction in our lives.

So there are limits to this. Even if you think that you are the worst person on earth in your mind you can only impact your universe so much. This is a subject of power (yes, I use that word a lot). If we think a thought a lot, yes, it is more likely to take shape and come true (both negative and positive, by the way). But much like the positivity examples, we have to perpetually think thoughts, or have deeply held beliefs (or immense trauma) for them to take shape and form our world.

Some people are more talented at this than others, by the way. They are naturally talented at working with the mental “layer” of things, and project things more readily, for better or worse.

And there are all sorts of wonderful things you can do if you know how to skillfully work with thoughts and thoughtforms. If you know how to consciously work with them there are few limitations of what you can create (but again, might need to get a job to get that car).

But like anything, understanding and working with thoughtforms is a skill. There is a point that people get to in their path that they are willing to recognize them, or to work with them (beyond surface sort of “I want” level of this sort of stuff), otherwise there is always that cognitive dissonance there, of it not being the right time to recognize the impact of this type of energy. Waking up to the realization of this energy, and its effects on your life and the world is profound, it is a shift… and a sort of initiation experience. But the first step is awareness, and a recognition of your own thoughts taking form.

 

Spiritual Awakening and Illusion

When I was first going through the spiritual awakening process (I still am, but I am in a very phase than I was back then), I looked through an incredible amount of resources and went to teachers and healers of all sorts in an effort to understand what was going on with me.

I have expressed this sentiment before, but one of the greatest difficulties about my journey is that most of the world is steeped in illusion and I was breaking free from that. But even more concisely, most of the field of “spiritual studies” and “awakening” is steeped in illusion to the extent that it is far removed from the actuality of the experience.

In general, I do not mind what individuals do with themselves. If they want to call themselves a Shaman, or if they want to say that they are experiencing a Kundalini awakening when they are clearly not (and clearly know next to nothing about the actuality of either subject) that is their business.

I used to have a great deal of resentment about the above because of how hard I struggled. The sort of initiations I have had to go through, the experiences that I have had I would not wish on anyone. They have made me a clearer, more intelligent person who knows her purpose in this world… but my path has been extraordinarily difficult. I have had a lot of difficulty reconciling the fact that I have not had much choice in certain regards as to what I do for a living (for example), while other people can sort of play-act being a “shaman”; or that I cannot have what others would term a “normal” existence (whether I would want one is a much different matter), and have always thought differently than others, which in a society in which we are all expected to think similarly (standardized education and such) caused me a great deal of difficulty until I began to appreciate it (and get book deals from it, quite frankly).

This sort of upset followed me for a long time until I was able to truly accept my path and make peace with it.

Now that I am over the initial existential sort of angst that comes with having experiences that few in this world do, I have become a bit more philosophical about the subject. While the individual who states they are undergoing a kundalini awakening, or states they are (insert word here) has very little effect on me, the fact that the entirety of the “spiritual studies” sort of realm is focused on illusory awakening does.

So what is illusory awakening? Recently someone forwarded me a self-published book excerpt about how to “awaken your kundalini”. Everything in there was about how easy it was, and about how now the person had “perfect health, and was perfectly realized”. This, of course, made me laugh a bit. There are a lot of benefits to a kundalini awakening, especially when you are past a certain point, but perfect health is not one of them. You just have too much energy cycling through you and there is no such thing as perfect realization– you either continue to deepen your realizations or you become stagnant (and ego-driven/narcissistic/mentally imbalanced etc).

Illusory awakenings are all around us. They are what is talked about, basically. I am talking about the word “kundalini” a lot because it is the newest buzzword in the illusory awakening community. People feel a bit of qi/prana and think they are experiencing a kundalini awakening. They do not know what a kundalini awakening entails, but since all they know about it is that it is an intense spiritual experience (and from their worldview they either want it or think they have had it without understanding that kundalini awakenings have specific phases, signs, and symptoms) they, of course, have had one.

Basically, the illusion of awakening is the popularized, aspirational surface level thoughts of awakening that have nothing to do with the actuality of it.

The reality is that anyone going through an awakening, an actual awakening, is going to have difficulty. Whether you have had a near-death experience, kundalini, are feeling a spiritual call, felt the holy ghost, or are going through a gentler awakening… the true process is one of small “deaths”– of casting off what you are not to realize what you are. This is difficult, even when done gradually. Waking up to illusion is difficult to reconcile. Realizing that most of the world is zombified and going through the motions on auto-pilot is difficult to reconcile. There are a whole host of physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual difficulties that come with any type of awakening…

But this is not what sells. 

The simple truth is that the illusion of awakening sounds great. We would all love to be these perfected, realized beings in perfect health. If we have not had spiritual experiences, the idea of having a “big awakening” sounds like a wonderful experience. If we have had any type of spiritual experience, we are likely to believe that our spiritual experiences are something truly intense, such as a kundalini awakening. And we are likely to do this out of simple ignorance– we don’t know anything about kundalini, or perhaps have read a wikipedia page about it, and have decided that we want it. That it is now part of our mythology.

And again, people are welcome to believe the myths and illusions they create about themselves.

This mythology, the illusions we create about ourselves, even about the subject of our “awakening” are yet another layer of illusion on top of all of the illusions that people should be dealing with, ironically further obscuring an awakened state, but that is another matter.

But we have a difficulty here of the fact that thousands of people are really and truly awakening. They are going through near death experiences and feel weird that all of the information out there is about how great they are, they are awake and look at the teachers and gurus who claim the same and see the illusion (and delusions), they are having a kundalini awakening and find that all of the information out there is for people who have experienced a bit of energy in their bodies that is on a pranic/qi level rather than the fierce volcano and destructive bliss that is kundalini, they are being called to be a shaman/spiritual worker and find themselves castigated and admonished because everyone in their spiritual group is a “whitelighter” who thinks like everyone else does (I have a funny story about this for another time, I suppose, but spiritual workers tend to think differently than other people do, and this is not really appreciated by most others).

The difficulty is that with all of the illusion, all that is being sold to us, all of the aspirational sorts or people who have had minimal spiritual experiences but want to feel as if they are something grand taking the labels (whether it be kundalini, witch, shaman, psychic, awake, walk-in, etc) that people truly having experiences cannot find the information that they need.

So forget the labels for a moment, forget the misguided ignorance of the individual, and focus on this.

Awakening and spiritual experiences have a specific pattern to how they are sold, they have a specific packaged look. No matter who or what subject the spiritual topic is about– if we are talking about mainstream, surface level spirituality– the spirituality that is for the masses– it is intended for a single purpose. To sell you on the fact that you need something in your life in order to be okay. To sell you on the authority of the person speaking so you don’t have to think or explore or realize on your own. They teach that there is always something external that you need to be or do that you haven’t done yet.

And more than that, they cause for people who are truly undergoing any sort of awakening to feel as if they are not okay if they are beyond these understandings. They cause confusion for people who are having a kundalini awakening and find themselves amongst other “kundalini-ites” who have no idea what the energy is actually like. They cause for people who have had near-death experiences to feel depressed that they didn’t realize that the entire universe operates on “ohm”. They cause for anyone who is truly awakening to feel out of place, to feel left behind.

Because most of the world is not going through an awakening. This is the only way that someone can sell awakening to someone– if they are not awake themselves. If you are not a shaman, witch, magical practitioner… someone who has not experienced kundalini, or Jesus, is not “awake” or has not had direct experiences of a spiritual nature… it is easy to tell others how wonderful they are, or how easy they are, or how you can have one for $99.95. It is a rarity in this world for someone with a near-death experience (for example) to talk about how much difficulty they have had “coming back”. It is a rarity for someone to truly say that awakening has brought incredible gifts and realizations but it is an incredibly fucking hard thing to do. In the sea of new-age kundalini-ites who all “want” the energy, or believe they have experienced it, it is hard to actually be experiencing it.

But again, there are thousands of us who are. Who know that there is a sharp divide between the illusion of awakening, the story of awakening that is sold to the masses who want to aspire to be and know something different… who want an experience that makes them feel special… and those of us who are in the trenches, working towards healing the major patterns and stories and lifetimes of traumas so that we can become clear. Who know that the journey is both blissful and terrible, sometimes at the same time.

What is important to realize is that if you are ready for it, you will come to the right information. The right people. The right experiences. The right teachers. It often takes a while to wade through the illusions (and delusions) out there on any spiritual subject, but if you are a person who is awakening, if you are a person of depth, it happens. People who are awakening have a light (this is actually quite literal) and are able to find one another. Put your light on and you will find your way beneath the murky waters of illusions that have populated most of the ocean to the ocean floor. You will truly find here, and you will realize, looking up, that the rest of the ocean is what it is intended to be.

Therapy, Medication, Kundalini, and Spiritual Awakening

So I occasionally get asked by someone to talk about my feelings of “standard treatments” and Spiritual Awakenings, such as Kundalini awakenings.

I am generally a reasonable person, and so my response to the person is that each person is individual and must do what is right for themselves in their own life. Which is the truth. I am not you, and I cannot decide if therapy, hospitalization, medication, and so forth is the right trajectory for you. Sometimes it is. But what is more often the case is that the current treatment options for anyone who is acting out of the “ordinary” and admits to it, or is not functional in their daily lives is medication and/or hospitalization. Basically, if it is not physical, it is mental.

That is where we are as a society, and where we still are in terms of treating diseases. Our society as a whole is just now really (well maybe for the last decade or two) understanding that mind and body are connected, and their are a gamut of new-age authors who were former doctors (or something like that) who say that they truly understand the mind-body-spirit and have discovered how they are connected. Most of them are talking about the mind-body connection, and their understandings are really surface but palatable to a wide, mainstream new-age audience who is just discovering the same surface understandings, but I won’t go there in this blog.

Most of the material about spiritual awakenings that has been introduced to a mainstream audience (well, an audience that has been interested in it, so not exactly mainstream) has been through psycho-therapeutic models. Meaning that psychiatrists and psychologists became interested in the subject and have written books, and done studies and programs about it. A lot of this material is still enormously helpful and insightful, by the way, even if it was written decades ago by this point. I do not wish to castigate this material, suggest it is not important, or that it is not essential readings and understandings for anyone going through a spiritual awakening.

But the psychotherapeutic model has its limitations.

Mainly because it considers anything deviating from “normal behavior”– meaning anything that the “normal” sleeping person (the person that just goes about their life in the repeated behavior/loops and is under a lot of conditioning and never really questions it, or gets upset if they have to) wouldn’t do is considered aberrant behavior because it diverges from that state. Meaning that anyone who is actually going through a spiritual awakening has something wrong with them because they are not acting or living their lives how a “normal” person should act.

There are all sorts of words for this– Qi gong sickness, or Meditation Related Problems, or Problems Related to Spiritual Practice. All diagnosable (some questionable diagnoses by the mainstream of psychiatry still, by the way) issues.

The difficult with this is that the Spiritual Awakening process is an aberration, but it doesn’t mean that something is wrong. In fact, it often means that something is really right. That someone is awakening beyond conditioned reality. And what happens is that the psychotherapeutic model defines this aberration as wrong, bad, medication or hospitalization worthy so that the person can return to “normal”– meaning the sleeper state.

I have read countless studies, for example, of well meaning physicians who became interested in “meditation related problems” who have blamed meditation for the cause of the issues presenting. In some cases it very much is an issue, by the way… we tend to focus on meditations that are too advanced for us (going from A to Z in one leap), make contact with spiritual truths that are too much for us to process, or focus on meditations that open us up psychically (open your third eye!) without processing any of our lower chakra stuff first. But even in those cases, what the person needs is someone to help them process, not someone to diagnose them and put them back to sleep.  

And many times, even if it is the “wrong” meditation, what is actually happening is this… the person is going through an Awakening. It is uncomfortable. It is causing physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual issues. It is causing the person to become non-functional in their daily lives, or to realize that their former, sleeping lives are not who and what they want to be now. 

And this is certainly an aberration– a deviation from the norm. But we have a tendency to want to put back to sleep anything that is uncomfortable, anything that causes pain or dis-ease or difficulty in our lives. 

And many times what is happening in spiritual awakening is a healing process. A rapid, uncomfortable, healing process. 

But that is not how it is treated in the psycho-therapeutic model. 

We are so used to medicating anything that makes us feel. Any emotions that are coming up (and there will be a lot in the awakening process) that we cannot define as “our own” are treated as dysfunctions, and something to be medicated or treated.

This is because psychotherapeutic methods have only “awakened” to the family system level. It is still news, and not accepted– that ancestral patterns, past lives, societal, world, cosmic patterns (for example, there are others… you can read about them in my book) live within us and can be expressed, processed, worked through. So when someone is coming upon a pile of rage, or a huge amount of grief that does not come from early childhood, psychotherapeutic practitioners do not (by and large) have the knowledge to know how to identify these patterns or work with them. So typically what happens is that the person under their care will go through therapy (talk therapy) to go over their early childhood again and again to solve the mental aspects of this (which certainly can be helpful) or to give the person some tools to help them in their daily lives be a bit more functional… or in some cases medication or being told they will “just have to live” with things.

Because most psychotherapeutic practitioners typically have a great deal of ignorance about the spiritual awakening process, or about anything beyond early childhood type trauma or energies. Some do, by the way, and are exploring ancestral work (family constellations) or spiritual awakening (transpersonal, some jungian, for example) but even many of those still define the spiritual awakening process not as a process of growth, of unfolding, and of healing… but of one of deviation from societal norms that must be stopped. 

We do not like to feel, to experience, to grow. Growth can be painful, it can be brutal in fact. And our current society, our current cultural mindset is to make anything painful, out-of-the ordinary, or difficult simply go away. To sweep it under the rug, to put it back to sleep, to drug, drink, and screw it away until we no longer remember our existential pain.

SO I WILL SAY WITH A LOT OF CAVEATS: I am not a physician, I am not a therapist. I personally do not find those models helpful, and never particularly have. Personally, I have needed much more work on a spiritual level vs. a mental level, and have worked far beyond the context of any early childhood pain that I have experienced… and don’t feel the need to talk about it much anymore.

BUT I WILL SAY THIS: There currently is not a model in place to keep people in Spiritual Emergency safe. This is, unfortunately, the hospital systems and psychotherapeutic models. It is the limitations of our current cultural mindset that causes this. But I digress. There are some points in the spiritual awakening process that someone may need hospitalization or medication or they will harm themselves, or someone else. They are so broken down that they need someone to watch over them, and their family or friends are not able to.

I very much understand this. I also wish it was different, but for people who are in such a state of emergency, this is their only option, and it is often life-saving.

The difficulty with this option is that it goes on your “record” and you are given medication. Medication that is hard to titrate off of (despite what clinicians might say, all anti-depressants and/or anti-psychotics are extremely difficult to work your way off of, some more than others… but Acupuncture can really help with this by the way if you are wanting to do so in concert with your physicians knowledge). Once you are on medication it is intended to be for the long-term, and you are also expected to be in therapy for a long time (typically).

All of these methods may be life-saving, but medication in particular stops the spiritual awakening process. It just does– again, some more than others (I work with plenty of people on medication, by the way, and don’t pass judgement on people who are taking it, as I have mentioned, these are simply my thoughts). This may be exactly what you want or need if you are reading this, by the way. I do understand that, I have compassion for that. I talk to people weekly who I tell truthfully that I cannot help– they are too far gone into an emergency state that they need someone local (at the very least) because I work through teaching people tools and understandings to work through their stuff, and if they are not in a place to be able to process something (or anything) that I say, there isn’t much, quite frankly, that I can do.

My last caveat (I promise): Again, I am not a physician, but as someone who has gone through a difficult process I know that one of the biggest difficulties in this world is that people think that their own experiences, their own opinions and insights need to be had by everyone else. Basically, what this means is that (like I mentioned above) I do not personally suggest medication for people going through Spiritual Awakening, and I think that therapy is helpful only to a certain limited point (see limitations above) because the Spiritual Awakening process is spiritual, not mental… But I am not you. I cannot decide for you what you should do with your life. You can read my thoughts to family members of people going through Spiritual Awakening here, but I am not living your life and cannot decide what the right trajectory for you is. I am the first to acknowledge that hospitals can be life-saving. That is what they are there for. If you are at that point, that might be the best decision for you. But if you are not, you may want to consider things a bit more deeply.

Ideally, some day there will be treatment centers focused on giving people who are experiencing Spiritual Awakenings a place to really process what is coming up for them… instead of pushing it back down to the depths of their subconscious (Anyone want to give me funding for this?) But until that day, we must live in a world that all of us have co-created, and do the best that we can. There are ways to work with Spiritual Awakenings so they are not treated as a diagnosable process, an aberration, or something to be put back to sleep. There really are. The Spiritual Awakening process, despite its difficulty, allows for you to release what is not whole– what is broken, traumatized, and conditioned in you– so you can awaken to who you truly are. Just imagine if we could have that basic understanding… or if the whole world could (or at least the allopathic world could).

If you are interested in working with me, you can contact me

Critical Thinking, Conscious Thought, and Letting go of Reactions to the Sleeping World

There was a time in my life when I was in a state of despair– the sort of existential crisis that spiritual awakening, or traversing a spiritual path with depth– creates. I looked out on the world and saw darkness, I saw the diseases and imbalances and masks and lack of truth that people carried with them. I saw the conditioning that they were under, and how they reacted unthinkingly, and unconsciously, and based on fear and other emotions rather than any type of clarity.

At this point I was actually well paid for seeing this, and had made it my career. People came to me for body work, for energy work, and for spiritual healing and I was able to see right through them– to see the blockages, pain, and diseases that their body and soul had made. I still do this, I still have this capability, but it no longer creates a state of angst for me.

At a certain point in my path I looked outward and all I could see was falseness. I could see my own patterns and blockages and that of the world. I could see how people were acting in a sort of play, and most of them did not realize that they were actors in their own lives.

This was a difficult crisis to reconcile, as it required me to switch my vantage point.

But what does this actually mean? It means that I sat with this pattern, this realization, this darkness. I didn’t chase it away, I didn’t tell it that it was wrong, or angry, or react to it based off of it making me feel isolated, based off of it making me want to isolate. I sat with it to understand it, to offer it my ear, to finally listen to it.

And it told me that people are doing the best they can, or the best they think they can. That I am doing the best I can, or think I can. We all are doing the best we can, or more accurately, we think we can.

The more I realized this, the better I was able to interact with others, to see where they were coming from, and to offer them compassion. We all are doing the best we can, or the best we think we can.

And more than that I am able to look out at the world and see people awakening, claiming their inner light, and realizing who they are. To go beyond what has been given to them or created for them by various sources. To want to heal and become more whole. Most of us struggle with this– we are so used to our own creations, the illusions we are under, the play that we are in, and the thoughts and understandings we have been given.

It is a rare and beautiful quality when we are able to consciously and critically think.

Because many of us simply are not capable of it. Without realizing it we think the thoughts of our father and mother, of the wounds and patterns of our past lives and ancestry, what society wishes and creates for us to think, repeat the thoughts and ideas of our teachers and gurus (who rarely have created such thoughts themselves), and allow for our minds to create a reality based on our fears, the above patterns, and what we already know to be “true”.

We unconsciously look for words, ideas, and teachers that can placate us, that can keep us who and what we are. That fit what our mind requires to feel safe– to not grow, to not unfold or move forward. This is why there is such popularity with certain teachers who tell us that all we need to do is to think positively and we will have a new car, that if we “awaken” we will be an immortal millionaire in perfect health, that there is no such thing as evil, and that if something bad happens to someone, they on some level must have asked for it.

We have a plethora of teachers out there who are more than willing to cater to this, and who are willing to make simplistic, easy to digest mentally one-for-one associations (what a particular “power” animal means, if you have thyroid issues you must hate yourself, and so forth) that will allow for us to not think at all critically about what the events, symbols, and ideas that are coming into our lives mean.

I will illustrate this with an example that not many people are aware of. Many people are aware that Reiki, an energy healing modality, did not originally have to do with the chakras. But the chakras themselves were standardized in the “rainbow” format by Christopher Hills (in the late 70’s, early 80’s I believe) through his book Nuclear Evolution. Before that time, and by the accounts of many people who can actually see the chakras and the energy bodies that surround us, the chakras do not have a ROYGBIV (rainbow) format at all (actually a really good representation of what actual clairvoyants see is Dora Kunz’ The Personal Aura if you can still get your hands on it– it shows how all energy fields and their colors are different based on thoughts, experiences, and imprints of the individual).

But we all believe this to be true. This is what we were taught in our Reiki classes and through basic exploration of the chakras and books about the chakras.

In fact, I have had several natural healers and clairvoyants go to Reiki classes and be told they were seeing “wrong” and what they were doing naturally to heal people was “wrong” because it didn’t fit their teachings, and they came out of the classes confused and much worse healers than they were to begin with. 

So we can see how easily we are taught how not to think and to take up teachings without conscious thought. Now, I know many of you reading this are saying that you are not clairvoyant, and so the idea of seeing the chakras in another manner wouldn’t be possible for you. But you can still have your direct experience of them, however you wish to.

By this I mean that once you learn something, thoroughly and respectfully (always respect teachers, of course) you can “throw out” the teachings and experience for yourself. Does this chakra really seem red? Did what my teacher tell me make sense to me logically? What do I actually think about it?

Because what we are taught comes through the filters of another and their experiences, their beliefs, and more basically… what they were taught. It is often like a bad game of Telephone (the old parlor game where there would be multiple people standing in a row and the original person would say a simple phrase like “monkey eating a banana” and by the time it was passed down to the last person in line it would have turned into “mon senior has a bastien”.

Most of us simply repeat what our teachers say, what we were taught in school, and the patterns and thoughts we have been given. If we come across a thought that doesn’t fit into our proverbial wheelhouse, we either are not able to process it (cognitive dissonance, basically), or we outright reject it with an emotional reaction (either to ourselves, or more frequently, heaping our emotions onto the speaker, teacher, book, etc that has given their thoughts that do not fit into our own constructed universe).

So how to critically think? How to Consciously Think?

This is the real question. Look to your own thoughts and ask what would happen if they were not true. This is not an easy task, so start out asking if what you believe to be true about yourself or about the world could be slightly less “true” than you perceive it to be now.

But practically, read, watch, and see things that are outside of your comfort zone. Read a book you never would otherwise. Since this is a spiritual blog, I will say that a lot of people react when I tell them that I have studied and worked with many religious and spiritual paths– including the occult, magic, Hoodoo, Vodou (this one tends to be the big one), and folk practices from around the world.

Because of what we have been taught we would never educate ourselves on what Vodou actually is. We would never learn that it actually, first and foremost, a beautiful system and path of ancestral worship. We will never learn that the occult is just as concerned with “awakening” as new-age paths are, and that it can offer things that many “shamanic” or “spiritual” paths cannot– such as an understanding of how to work with the energies that comprise the Universe, how to actually communicate with angelic presences (beyond the new-age appropriation of them). How folk magic practices are inherently simple, effective, and can improve our finances, love life, clear energies off of us, and open our “road” so that we can have more ease in our lives.

But most of us will never learn this because we fear what we do not know. I recently read a book on Scientology, which I admittedly have biases towards (especially after watching a documentary about it). I state this because all of us should be continually learning, continually unfolding, continually questioning what we as individuals think and believe, and our inherent biases.

But we can do this in many ways. Go see a movie you wouldn’t normally see, a documentary, go hang out with people from a different culture, class, or religion. Participate in an activity that you have been holding yourself back from experiencing. Find people and thoughts different than you and experience them and let them change what you think. 

Most of us are unable to think beyond ourselves and what we have been given. This means that we surround ourselves with “us” – with the books, gurus, teachers, people, and experiences (food, culture, and pretty much everything) that is within our already created parameters. Much of what is wrong with this world (racially, culturally, financially, politically, and just in general) is this– that we cannot see outside of ourselves and think that the World has to cater to our constructed illusions and beliefs that have been given to us by others.

If we do so, if we are able to do so, we become more conscious. We start to become able to think for ourselves logically. We stop reacting based off of fear, off of emotion. We begin to see the world with clarity. We begin to experience the world with clarity, instead of the unconscious emotional reactions that we normally do. We let go, we release, we become happier, more accepting, and understand more about the world around us.

 

Working in the Light

One of the thoughts that gets most sent to me (either verbally or via thoughtform) is that because I work with the dark that I must not work with the light (or something to that effect).

Others will go as far as to admonish me, or put negativity my way because I do work with the “dark”, and more than that I have compassion for “dark” things.

This is not only directed at me, but is the experience of most actual spiritual workers, shamans, witches, folk practitioners, etc. Most of these practices have been given a shiny coating of peace and love to the extent that anyone doing any actual spiritual work is perceived as “bad” while those who are play-acting and putting their puritanical ideals of what “light” means are “good”– at least in their own minds.

This is sad because historically spiritual methods and paths that have been a full spectrum of practices (in some cases for thousands of years) have now been diluted to appease the minds of new-agers. This has caused most knowledge, books, and message boards (everything from Shamanism to Witchcraft to Voodoo/Vodou and Hoodoo) to be filled with new agers who know nothing about the practices telling traditionalists or people that have studied this work for decades that anything not their own particular brand of “love and light” is bad. Due to this movement traditional practices are being represented to the outer commercial market as being this extremely surface version that has essentially been stripped of its power, knowledge, and spirituality in deference to the love and light movement.

The truth is that we cannot have the light without the dark… or the dark without the light… and anyone doing any sort of actual spiritual work will realize quickly that those labels are created out of fear by people who are not interfacing with anything of importance spiritually.

It is easy to put labels on things like a James Bond movie: James Bond= good, Russian spy (or whatever)= bad. In fact, most of the “lightworkers” who claim to work with anything dark (spirits, beings, elementals, demons) are doing so out of this dichotomy. Life isn’t this simple. The spiritual world isn’t this simple.

I have been doing spiritual work professionally for a while now, and interfacing with different spiritual realities for a very long time now. I know that once you get out of your own self-created world that the highest, shiniest angelic energy may be fierce enough to give you a headache for three days and blow out your microwave. This same energy may not care about you– it simply knows that you have the appropriate calibration/energy/ability to interact with it.

Similarly, something that is considered “demonic” can be easy and straightforward to work with– pulling no punches and telling you exactly how it is and what they need in order to leave a person, or family alone.

I am under no illusions, by the way (another new-ager favorite) that there is no such thing as evil. There is. This, like many things (curses, spirits, energy, etc), can only be denied by people who have not experienced evil and wish to remain ignorant of it. There are all sorts of energies out there that can be categorized as “dark” and “evil” because they are dark and evil.

But we are largely in a sea of thoughtforms, and most of what people encounter is either a simple spirit (former human) that they have decided is a “demon” or has told them they are a demon (kind of like someone you meet bragging at a club about how much money they make or something). Plenty of people are self-creating all sorts of demons out of fractured parts of their psyche. Even so, what I am simply stating is that something considered the darkest of the dark can be easy to get along with and understand, and something that is the lightest of the light can cause issues and may not care about you at all.

So this idea of only working in the light is false. What the person is most likely doing is creating a sort of cocoon for themselves, a sort of illusory spiritual reality of their own creation based on their own person belief systems, ethics, and emotional needs from the spiritual world.

This is why so many white people have “Native American” spirit guides (seriously, nobody has a Mexican spirit guide?) and why their guides (some from thousands of years ago supposedly) talk exactly like them, tell them what they want to hear, and are singularly and positively “light”.

The light is like anything else. There are different shades of it, different energies… and when you truly begin to work in the light, or with light beings or energies you are likely going to have unpleasant physical symptoms (at least for a while) while you work with them. They might not care about you personally, you are simply a vessel for them or someone that has the ability to work with them.

The idea that everything in the spirit world is in love with you, cares about your path, your personal belief systems (and piled on traumas, restrictions, and issues you have carried forward into this lifetime) is really odd if you think about it logically. Why would Archangel Michael have a personal interest in you? Especially if you have not developed a relationship with him, which most people simply don’t know how to do properly.

When we go beyond the constructs of the light we have created for ourselves based on our needs for the spirit world we discover real light. Spirits, beings, energies, angels, deities, elementals (you get the picture) that can bring us a lot of light, that can bring the light of pure divinity into this world. But most of us need to get over ourselves a bit and stop creating the spiritual realms out of our own needs to interface with them. And most people will not. We would rather believe that something is singularly white, pure, light, and singularly and almost obsessively involved with us than think that even the lightest beings have complex interests and understandings way beyond our own constructed illusions, and the needs of our fractured and traumatized Self.

If we are able to rise above (metaphorically) even the lightest archangel we may find ourselves directly in flow. With source. If we are going to talk about light energy, this is what it is all about. Pure flow washing through you. It is beautiful, sacred… a state of pure grace. Words are indescribable for this state which is why I (and others) simply call it “flow”. Because that is what it feels like.

The world, the cosmos, everything inside and outside of ourselves is made up of currents. When we are able to let go of our traumas, our illusions, we are able to find this place of flow.

A lot of people describe this state as being one of perfection, in which our lives will be filled with bliss and light and love. And it is. But what most people don’t understand (especially those who are still in the stage of categorizing dark=evil, light=good) is that you can have bliss and pain at the same time, despair and joy.

Dark and light is simply a continuum. 

As spiritual workers, or those interested in a spiritual path, we have one of two choices, seemingly:

1. Put ourselves in a cocoon or new-age sort of bubble where we self-create most of our spirituality. This allows for us to feel in control, to create things out of our own puritanical constructs, and to never really interface with anything outside of ourselves. In this way we can believe that the cosmos itself is centered around us, our thoughts, and our needs. We can remain comfortable and secure in our beliefs and anything (any thought, opinion, direct experience) that we come across that does not fit it we can simply cast aside as false.

In this manner we do not progress, but we are comfortable and secure with what we believe to be true about our spiritual reality. Many of the people in this category talk a good game about their “shadow” and doing personal work, but you will often find them judging others, not spiritually progressing, and not really understanding anything of a spiritual nature. This is because they don’t want to. The self-created is comforting, illusion is comforting. We feel in control, we feel like we are the center of the Universe, we can tell ourselves that we understand everything, we do not have to go into the beautiful, wild free-fall of category #2

2. We can work with a full spectrum of consciousness and continually unfold. We can realize that we are not the center of the cosmos, that the spirit world does not revolve around us and our needs or puritanical constructs. We can be wild, we can experience freedom. We will continually progress with the knowledge that whatever we know, however much we know, that we do not know very much.

The more light that we become the more darkness comes to us. Either our own or from outside sources. We begin to realize that the lighter you are the more you actually interface with darkness as well as the full spectrum of reality. Rather than hide from it, ignore it, or insert ourselves into a bubble we go beyond simple duality and constructs such as dark/light and realize that things are exceedingly simple, and not-so-simple at the same time.

We can directly experience the light, the dark both within and outside of ourselves. We can comfort the darkest parts of ourselves and feel compassion for the darkest elements of the Universe. We can realize that the dark and light are just constructs and that the darkest thing can also be light. We can work directly with the light and feel a flow state that goes way beyond anything that we could even imagine or self-create for ourselves.

The light is wonderful. But it is beyond our constructs, our own needs for the Universe, our own needs for individual guides or Gods. It just is.

Spiritual Trends and Minimalism

Every once in a while a new spiritual trend emerges. Books, news pieces, memes, and public figures/gurus all emerge to center around this trend (and to capitalize nicely off of it) until the trend dies down much like the newest sneaker that was once all the rage becoming out of season.

Recently, this trend has been minimalism. I am sure you have seen this– people with tiny houses, memes upon stories upon memes of minimalist sayings, and people emerging out of the woodwork who will happily teach you, sell you, or otherwise convince you to give them money so they can too help you become minimalist.

It should go without saying (but unfortunately I have to say this) that thinking critically about something is not the same is thinking that thing is “bad”. We can love something, or even do such things ourselves and have positive results in our lives, and still want to look deeper… still want to look at the patterns of things. For many, unfortunately, thinking critically means that you are negative, upset, or don’t like something. Fortunately most people who read my blogs are beyond such polarities of criticism/negative/dark/bad and positivity/forced cheerfulness/head in the sand/light/good.

That all being said, minimalism is not a bad thing. We all have a lot of stuff (well, most of us do) so the new trend of minimalism is helpful. It can allow for us to look at our lives, look at our individual materialism, and really ask if we need what we own… and to question how much we need to shop and what we in fact need in our lives as material objects.

But there is something artificial about this trend, and about all spiritual trends. 

When a trend like this emerges, products and people come forward to be its spokespeople or figureheads. Then “regular” people– anyone from college students to life coaches to professionals begin to teach and sell others things in accordance to this trend. I have no issue for people charging for their time (and am not a new-ager in the illusory thinking that because it is spiritual it should be free because otherwise it is tainted) and very much think that people should charge what they, and their services, are worth. But the selling of these trends is often antithetical to the actual message of the trend. 

If we were to look at minimalism, the message is about less. Since this has filtered down to public mass consciousness, this trend has become about less material goods. Less clothing, less space to live in, and so forth. But the true call to minimalism is about less all around. This is a subtle differentiation, but it is important. This will become clearer when the other aspects are discussed more.

Spiritual trends are simply byproducts of the spiritual awakening process that are misunderstood and filtered randomly (or not so randomly) into public consciousness.

When we begin to awaken, we naturally embrace minimalism. We will naturally look around at what is surrounding us and realize that our physical bodies, our physical material belongings are not as important to us as they once were. It is a natural part of the awakening process to slough off our old selves, to let go of the physical, emotional, and spiritual aspects of ourselves that are blocking who we truly are. Quite simply, it is part of awakening to let go of a wide variety of things, including material belongings, and to become less materialistic in general. It just doesn’t matter as much as it once did, and clearing space in our lives often involves actually physically having a clear space in our house.

But it isn’t yet another thing for us to put on our “to do” lists. 

Minimalism in the spiritual awakening process naturally happens. It isn’t something that we need gurus or to be taught about. It is something that arises out of our own realizations and direct experience of looking around and seeing that we have too much stuff, or that we don’t need all that we have. It may actually be a bit unnerving to realize that all of this stuff doesn’t matter, or that the material world has lost significance for us for the most part.

When it naturally arises it naturally happens. When minimalism is presented as a spiritual trend it becomes something that you need to purchase things for, attend classes for, look through catalogues about. It becomes yet another something to do, yet another something that we have to do in our hectic lives full of “to do’s”. It causes us stress to become minimalist because on some level we realize that we can never be the perfect “doer” of this new trend.

More than this, spiritual trends become about spiritual competition. We have all likely seen the person living in the 400 square foot mini-house with their two kids and dog, or stories about throwing out the food in our fridges or having a wardrobe of only five shirts, five pants, and so on. We will never become the “best” minimalist, and the spiritual trend because it is not a natural byproduct of the awakening process and has become commoditized is about competition and who can do it best. When we are not awakening, we are still in the loops of competition with one another (even about something like minimalism) and we will always fail because we will never live up to the minimalist gurus/teachers and magazines who are espousing this new trend. We may, in fact, hate ourselves, because we are unwilling to give up some of our wardrobe or because we like our house the way it is.

We may, in fact, be talking about minimalism and how great it is and how we have purchased items x, y, and z without realizing the irony of the fact that we have purchased items for it and that we are speaking in such a way that we are being spiritually competitive with our friends, our neighbors, and our family. We may in fact go the opposite way and force the issue, creating havoc in our homes because we are blindly and unthinkingly causing discord in our families because we are following the newest spiritual fad.

Spirituality is about direct experience. It is about realizing how to be peaceful and happy, how to feel like we are enough and have enough. It is about aligning ourselves to who we really are and to our higher selves, as well as aligning ourselves in accordance to greater flows of divinity outside of ourselves. Spiritual trends are the opposite of this. They are a spiritual byproduct that has been mangled and misappropriated until it becomes a list of rules and products for mass consumerism. Rather than considering the individual and what would make their lives happy and whole, spiritual trends create illusory spiritual lists, rules, and ways of being that must be abided by if you are truly going to be “spiritual”.

Awakening is freedom. It is realizing what works for us and who we are as individuals. On a more mundane level, it is an individualized decision of what material objects we need in our lives. When we awaken we may decide that we don’t need as much stuff. We may sell, give away, or get rid of much of our material goods. But that is based on an internal guidance and a sort of spiritual compulsion to let go of things that no longer represent who we vitally are as people. And we may choose to keep many of our items… the ones that keep us happy, even if we do not necessarily “need” them. Awakening is not a contest, it is not a set of rules, and it is not a trend. It is realizing who you are and acting from the place of who you are. This may mean letting go of a lot of things, material goods included. It may not.

But minimalism is a natural process when it does happen, and it is a freeing process, not one of illusory rules, competition to see who can become the most minimal, guides/gurus, courses, books and catalogues selling us this trend. It is not something to be excited about and then left the next time the new spiritual trend comes out. What we own is a natural extension of who we are, and it is less stressful generally to have less things. But we may really like some things. And that is okay. Because we are individuals, and we do not need to compare ourselves to others.

Once we rise above group think and collective consciousness we can realize these trends and how they have turned something generally positive (freeing ourselves from the mindset of physical materialism) into yet another thing to do, yet another thing that we will not be as good at as the dude who bought the 400 square foot home, into yet another trend that we will be interested in and that will then fall away as all trends do, leaving ourselves ironically with books, teachings, and the remnants of what we bought when we were engaged in the trend of minimalism.

There are many spiritual trends that come and go… and there are many loops, or repeated behaviors, that remain year after year, decade after decade. There are also many spiritual byproducts in the path to awakening. Minimalism is one… or more correctly, freeing ourselves from many layers, including the physical, often occurs. Psychic abilities are a huge one that is a natural byproduct of the awakening process that we have commoditized and warped to the extent that most people do not even realize that they are part of the spiritual awakening process and naturally happen the more awake we are.

We really love to believe that we can purchase spiritual things (even ironically minimalism) because we have not yet risen out of the understanding that spirituality isn’t something else to do, to jam into our already packed lives. Spiritual understandings and spiritual actions are not intended to be chores and they are not intended to be part of the odd materialistic competition we have with one another (also ironically these people will often espouse oneness while doing this). Spirituality is freedom. It is understanding who we are, and when who we are naturally arises, we do what we need to– physically (materially), emotionally, mentally, and spiritually– without the external world and all of its illusions causing us to participate in a pale glimmer of what actual spiritual processes are.

So consider the world you live in, consider what you want to do with yourselves… what would make you free, happy, and totally who you are. Minimalism or the latest spiritual trend may be perfect for you. But even so, you can follow your own internal directives to how you want to implement it into your life. And it doesn’t need to cause more stress, anger, or confusion in your life. It doesn’t need to create more ways for you to do instead of to be, for you to ignore that internal call… to block that internal call by grasping at more external information, for the latest guru, book, or trend that tells us how we are intended to be spiritual. We can break free from that, and truly learn who we are, and let go of all of the spiritual competitiveness, all of the trends that tell us who we need to be and what we need to do, all of the “to do’s” that we can never accomplish and so are never good enough, and simply be who we are. And act from the place of who we are. Even if that involves keeping those pants you haven’t fit in since 1995.

If you wish to contact me or have inquiries about sessions, spiritual healing work, or my three or six month distance email program, you are welcome to here.

Engaging the Primal Self

In our pursuit to become intellectualized, “higher” animals, we have lost our inherent primal nature. While we all appreciate the modern appliances and way of life that allows for computers, air conditioning, and educational pursuits, we have in our pursuit of such things demonized, ignored, and cast away a vital aspect of ourselves.

Our primal selves. The animalistic force that is within all of us. The energy that does not wish to think, to reason intellectually. The energy that wishes to act, to claw, scream, whimper, stomp its feet on the ground, have sex, make love, be in nature… the aspect of ourselves that may be murderous, basic, evil, hate, and is our primal, natural, animal instinct.

So why return to this? Why acknowledge this? Most of our spiritual pursuits are about finding and acknowledging our “higher” selves. We find angels and discover ourselves as divine. We may find joy. We go after that which is “light and love”. We begin defining anything that is not “light and love” as not spiritual.

But that is not all there is. That is not all spirituality is. When we ignore any aspect of ourselves, when any part of ourselves is subconscious it will act out its most subconscious desires in patterns that may confuse us. We may chastise ourselves for “awakening” while thinking poorly about someone who cut us off in traffic. We may pretend to be “love and light” and still gossip, judge, and hate those different than us. We may be spiritual and create animals and earthly “spiritual helpers” that are fuzzy, warm, and deprived of any animal instincts. We may begin to believe that “awakening” is about “ascension” and is completely separate from our physical lives, our sexual instinct, our primal needs and emotions.

When we separate from our primal selves that aspect of ourselves begs to be noticed. We gravitate towards the activities and patterns that will satiate it, but without understanding these patterns will simply repeat. In mundane terms, there is a reason why the states in the U.S. that wish to teach only abstinence education to children and teenagers, that are anti-gay marriage, and anti-abortion are also the states that have the highest rates of pornography usage. In mundane terms, there is a reason why as a country and as a world (for the most part, some countries excluded) we are so sexually deprived and fixated on young girls as beacons of sexuality because the idea of adult sexuality creates fear. In mundane terms, there is a reason why we are always at war, creating violence, and spewing hatred towards one another.

When we do not recognize and work with our primal selves this energy goes out into our lives as individuals… but it also goes out into the world as a whole.

Until we recognize our primal selves and learn how to work with even our most base instincts in this world we will not fully be conscious. Until we recognize that our spiritual natures are not all “love and light” but can include even the most murderous, scratching, clawing, sexual, primal instincts we are not awakened. As a culture, as a world, when we do not work with, understand, and love the aspects of ourselves that are animalistic, sexual, primal in nature we as a culture and a world unconsciously create scenarios to satiate our primal selves.

When we as individuals are able to recognize our primal selves we can begin to feel compassion for this thrown away, scolded, and judged piece of ourselves. When we are willing to come away from this idea that spirituality is all things– higher self, lower self, divine, animalistic, fierce, smooth, flowing, kind, compassionate, violent, angry, sexual, peaceful, loving, hating, energetic, emotional, mental, spiritual, physical– we can transcend the illusions that are so commonly perpetuated in the awakening community and truly awaken. And more than that, we can recognize, reconcile, and love a piece of ourselves that we have cast away… and in doing so we can become more embodied, more awakened, and more compassionate towards ourselves. We can fully become who we truly are.

Making peace with our most violent instinct, our most primal may seem like the least “spiritual” idea to many of you. If this is true, question why. Question why spirituality needs to be about a certain brand of illusory light… the same light, the same rules, the same illusions that are commonly taught to make people believe that spirituality is anything but physical, anything but right here and now, anything but emotional… anything but your every-day lives. There is an agenda to this illusion. There is a reason why this illusion has been perpetuated for centuries. It is because it keeps us from ever becoming whole, it keeps us from going from seeker to sought, and it keeps us from truly awakening. We are never truly satiated by these illusions because they are not what we need to truly awaken, to truly become whole. So we continue looking and buying the same illusion again and again, the same books and thoughts from different gurus/teachers again and again… but we never find what we are looking for… which is wholeness, reconciliation of all parts of ourselves, and our true divine nature… which is rooted in love for all aspects of ourselves.

Our primal selves are playful, joyful, devious, fun… they can teach us a lot. When we engage with them, when we make them conscious we no longer have the repression, the rules and restrictions that have been handed to us by ourselves, our families, by society, by others who consider themselves “spiritual”. When we can make peace with the inner violence, with the sexual currents within us, with the hatred, with the desire to scream and slash and run, when we are conscious of every bit of ourselves we no longer subconsciously (or consciously) lash out at the world… and we have taken responsibility for that small parcel of energy that has gone out into the world making our world such a violent, unconscious, unfeeling, and quite frankly, brutal, place to be.

My first book, the Spiritual Awakening Guide, is available on Amazon now. It goes over types of spiritual awakenings, the spiritual journey as a whole, and symptoms of spiritual awakening in a pragmatic, non-dogmatic way. You can get it here or here (kindle version). You can contact me for inquiries about sessions and the work that I do.

The Positive Aspects of Spiritual Awakening

Many of my blogs, I realize, are utilized to deconstruct popular myths or illusions about spiritual, psychic and shamanic practices as well as the true, complex, and multifaceted process that is spiritual awakening. I do find this necessary work, and am passionate about it, and hope that it helps many of you to critically think in your own way about the world you live in and your own awakening process.

But in dispelling illusion and being critical I do recognize that there is seemingly a focus in my blogs on the difficult, or perhaps even negative aspects of awakening. In dispelling the illusions that are so pervasive in this world, especially in many spiritual organizations, communities, and teachers/gurus… the exact place you would think we may be looking for truth… the positive, profound, and even blissful aspects of awakening tend to get lost.

Awakening is blissful. It is beautiful. Its purpose is for you to know exactly who you are, why you are here, and what you as an individual can bring to this world uniquely and individually. It is also about merging with source, God, light. As we realize our own divinity we are able to feel, see, and sense divine flow as a whole.

We realize that we are a drop in the ocean and the ocean in a drop.

This means that we realize that we are divine, we are light, we are much more than what our physical bodies are, what even our family is, or society, or even the world is. We realize the entirety of the flow that permeates every reality (divine flow), we can hear, taste, and sense this flow. We merge with this flow, with oneness.

I have written critically about oneness before, and how it is different than what is perpetuated in modern spiritual thought. And it is. The total dissolution of individual identity is momentary. It is important. But we are not intended to walk around as undifferentiated blobs of oneness, thinking that we are the same as every person around us in abilities, characteristics, and other attributes.

This dissolution into oneness allows for us to get over ourselves, basically. To lose the fear of physical death. To let go of identification with a temporary, physical body. We do not realize how much fear we have wrapped up around the fear of dying and death until we transcend it. It is enormously freeing, and allows for us to act and be in this world in a much different way than we once did.

Oneness also allows for us to feel connected to others around us, but more importantly, to God/source. It is wonderful if we feel connected to people, it really is. But the entire spiritual awakening process is about realizing how we are a part of source, and we have actually never left source.

We have a huge wound in ourselves because we believe the illusion that we are separate from source. We look for ways to fill this void. On the surface physical levels this may be drugs, sex, shopping, tv, technology, etc. When we awaken it is through taking workshops, reading books, and entering seeker mode– perpetually looking for something that we often cannot define and can never find.

We do will not understand how much energy we have put into seeking until we find, and directly experience, what we are looking for. The realization that we are with source… that despite our outer wrappings that we have never left… allows for us to transcend seeker mode and become sought. Seeking is exhausting, when we become sought we have a lot more energy. We may not need to sleep as much, and the fatigue that is so pervasive in the spiritual awakening process begins to lift.

Being awakened really is bliss. It is being held. It is being loved. One of the biggest spiritually based issues in this world is that we are looking for bliss and love and safety in the wrong places. We continually cast our nets out looking for anything to help us become less isolated, less afraid, more loved, and more safe. We create illusions upon illusions to try to convince ourselves that we are safe, we are in control, we are not alone. Awakening allows for us to see that human love, human safety, the very human act of coming together and being in our external, physical, daily lives will never provide us the type of love that we truly crave. Humans are all flawed (even those who are awakened or pretending to be) and are not capable, in their human physical wrappings, to provide the depth of love, bliss, and sensation of being held that we really require to feel whole.

Awakening allows for us to be held by source, by the spiritual mother. When we reach this point we realize that humans are flawed (again, all of us, otherwise we wouldn’t be here), and that our hunger, our yearning, our perpetual seeking for someone/anything to hold us and tell us we are okay is a call out to source.

The interesting thing about reaching this place is that we are scared of this type of love. We may reject it. We may not feel worthy of it. But even if we are able to radiate a single drop of love towards a spiritual mother or source it radiates back exponentially to us, letting go of our fear, our anger, and allowing us to finally fill up with what we have been seeking for so long.

One of the more useful but “mundane” (well, at least compared to feeling infinite love of source energy) aspects of awakening is to be able to see illusion and falsehood. This can be a bit isolating, but I have found it is quite helpful. When this happens you can see what books are worth your time, what workshops, what pursuits, and generally what in your life has meaning. This also oddly has the aspect of making you really compassionate and even loving towards the people around you. Most people are really struggling. They have so much chaos and confusion and trauma and illusion around them that they are like someone at the edge of a cliff hanging on with their fingernails.

This means that you can have compassion for them. They know not what they do, as the saying goes. This also means, generally, that you can see or sense other awakened souls, especially if they are around. This at the later stages is simply a recognition, but in early stages in severe awakenings (such as Kundalini awakenings) you may not be able to be in the same room as someone else if you both are in an active K cycle.

The opening of spiritual doors occurs. This again, can be difficult in some ways. Most of the world sees, thinks, and operates the same as one another. Thinking deeply, questioning, realizing beyond the norm is not generally thought of as a positive attribute in this world. But it is. Most people walk around sleepwalking, simply reciting what they have been taught by others as their truth. They don’t question it, they aren’t able to see beyond it. They see the world as it has been given to them, and they do so without questioning. Even if they are, or claim to be “awakening” they are simply reciting the words of others and are repeating ad naseum the same recycled new-age memes and the same information in books, lectures, and ideas. Being able to move beyond this type of illusion, this type of belief that what you have been given by others is your own without questioning allows for you to become fully individualized, fully unique in a world where most people simply copy one another and live fairly unremarkable lives. It gives you the opportunity to fully realize who you are and what you independently think, free from the constraints that have been given to you. This allows for you to create in this world in a unique way, in a way that no one else but you can do.

The ability to feel peace. Many of us, again, go about our lives in a state of quiet desperation. We are worried about the present, the past, the future. Some of this may be entirely appropriate worry, by the way. But awakening brings the ability to finally settle into our bodies, to be okay with being quiet and being still, to know that who we are and what we are doing is exactly what we should be doing. Gone (well, for the most part) are the lectures internally about how we should be doing something else when all we want to do is eat a piece of chocolate cake. We eat the chocolate cake when it is time for chocolate cake and fully enjoy it.

Full embodiment. This cannot be stressed enough. One of the most pervasive myths in the awakening community is that anything spiritual is somehow separate from our daily lives and our physical bodies. There are in fact whole cultures that would do horrible things to their bodies to prove that the physical form was a temporary vehicle– starvation, creation of pain, sitting on funeral pyres. And while I do not question that some of these were necessary for the people who believed they needed them, the physical form is important, and past a certain point in the awakening process we begin to realize that we can be fully embodied, fully sensate people who enjoy our physical presence on this earth. Most of us are disassociated, disembodied, and truly hate our bodies and our lives (this may be subconscious). Awakening allows for us to process that self-hatred, and we come more into our physical bodies. We are able to taste, sense, feel and utilize all of our senses in a way that we never had before. We no longer want or need to “go anywhere” because our lives are what they are, and we realize that death is simply a release of the physical form,. and that in life our physical forms should be cherished because they bring us opportunities and understandings.

Spiritual realization. Do you know what a chakra feels like? Do you know what it is like to travel in other dimensions, to realize that time is not linear, or to simply understand that the world is not just made up of supposedly concrete, physical matter? That we inwardly have a constellation? Through the awakening process we come out of intellectualization and into direct experience. We no longer need to study the chakras and their colors (or whatever) because we can feel our chakras… and we may feel twenty-five of them and be able to interact with them through direct experience. We realize that much of the material out there is for beginners. There is nothing wrong with this, all of us were beginners (and still are in many respects no matter how far we have come). But through direct spiritual revelation we can discover our individual path.

We can enter a state of grace. This is typically a later stage, but building up to the oneness experience we believe (and want to believe) that we are powerful, we are strong, we are Gods. While this may all be true (and it is) if we are able to recognize how small we are, we become humble. This allows for us to enter a state of grace, where we know with certainty that we are being held by something much greater than ourselves, but also answers that question of existential despair: “am I going to be okay” once and for all. With humility we can realize that we are a single drop in the entirety of divine flow.

We can be fully who we are without excuses. I used to hide my “darkness”. It was not considered “appropriate” and frequently got me chastised or even chased out of spiritual circles in my early days. My questioning of things, my ability to see differently (and generally more deeply than others), my thinking differently, and the direct spiritual experiences I have had caused me to be ostracized. As I have mentioned, people really love their illusions, and anything that goes against or questions their personal cosmology creates enough fear that they will lash out to protect themselves. This still happens. I just don’t care anymore. I am doing what I am here to do, and saying what I need to say because it is different than what others think. I share this not to shift focus onto myself, but to say that whatever you are struggling with that you think that people won’t accept, that deep dark, primal place that you are hiding in fear of, scared that others will not find out… this is likely your strength… your power. People do not want you to have power because they do not have their own. They fear anything different. Once you are able to reconcile those parts of you that are afraid, that care what people think, that care about people discovering those deep dark aspects of yourself, once you realize those deep dark aspects of yourself are fine, and even beautiful… you can be fully who you are.

You love all aspects of yourself. This is a difficult one to understand, because in most spiritual communities the focus is on the “light” and anything else is “bad”, but we are intended to have emotions, physical experiences, and be in touch with even the most primal aspects of ourselves. Once we get out of the heap of trauma and chaos we are all under we realize that emotions are just currents of energy, and the emotion of grief can be as beautiful as the emotion of joy. We can fully realize our physical, sexual selves. We can come to love our primal, animalistic selves. We can fully integrate all of these selves and just be one whole person, with no parts of ourselves villified. 

This is certainly not a comprehensive list, but I wanted to introduce this topic because most of you who come to me are in a state of panic. In a state of fear. In a state of recognizing the illusions of the world, the illusions of the spiritual communities. In a state of recognizing that most of the books and gurus and teachers and workshops out there are just meant to perpetuate a state of illusion rather than break you from it. It is hard when you are going through the true struggles of awakening to not feel cursed, like the universe is out to get you, to blame yourself and God/source, to look out at the world of fake gurus and see them espousing spiritual awakening as a state of simple bliss without having any sort of direct experience of it. The more that we move through our awakening the more that the blissful, the wonderful, and the truth about spiritual awakening come through. It just may not be like the brochures said it would be.

If you would like to contact me, you are welcome to.