raising your consciousness

Thoughtforms, Illusions, and Psychic Awareness


There is a belief that is held by some that if we just think about something hard enough, or we think positively enough, we will receive what we are thinking about and hoping for. This sort of simplified thought is pervasive through the law of attraction community, as well as other communities, and discounts the reality of the fact that we must do something to receive what we want in this world (sitting around and being positive/thinking about getting a new car will only get you so far without a job), but also discounts the complexity of the patterns we are given by others, as well as the world, that might make it really hard for us to receive that new car by just positive thinking.

This sort of simplification also tends to victim blame, meaning that if someone did not receive something, or in other cases they did receive something (such as a disease, difficult life circumstance, to all sorts of spiritual issues) that they must not be thinking positively enough. This allows for the person who does not have (insert disease or circumstance here, but let’s just say cancer) to feel safe and in control… because they, of course, are thinking positively so they will never get (insert disease/circumstance here, but let’s just say cancer).

I have talked about this a few times, but I would like to get more in-depth into the nature of thoughts, thoughtforms and illusion.

There is such a focus in the spiritual realms on positive thinking, but much of the focus of “spirituality” especially in regards to shamanism is on journeying, or accessing spiritual realms. We may wish to sense spirits (or sense them already), or access all sorts of beings, or other worlds/realms/dimensions in hopes of learning something. A lot of this allows for the experiencer to feel as if spirituality is off someplace else, instead of right here. Another control/safety thing. If we learn that there are spirits around us every day, that might freak us out, basically.

Spirituality has become escapism, a way to feel a high from a workshop or spiritual practice like a drug addict would in between the monotonous parts of ones actual, everyday, “mundane” life and physical reality..

But apart from the “actual”– the spiritual that is separate from us (such as spirits and such) and even apart from our own psychological conjurings (our invented spirits and power animals and such) we have the sea of thoughts.

We are adrift in a sea of thoughts. It is rarely paid attention to. And it should be.

It is rare that even those who are “sensitive” are skilled enough or know how to focus their attention enough to realizing how many thoughts are truly around us. Sensitives tend to pick up things from other people. There is a focus on emotions for this (and this is important to understand), but most sensitives also pick up thoughts from other people. They may not realize the extent that they do so. But if you think for a moment about how “in our heads” as a culture we are, you can start to imagine just how many thoughts are out there, swirling around. And that we are much more likely to “catch” them, or be open to them, than spirits attaching, medical issues from others, or even absorbing emotions.

We may not realize that the thoughts we are thinking are not our own. 

In fact, a lot of media and the “illusory” world counts on this fact– that we are so displaced from who we are at our core and that we do not understand our beliefs enough that we can have thoughts and ideas basically injected into our minds… or are under so many layers of conditioning that we do not realize that what we think is simply what our father thought (for example).

There are of course ways to learn how to become skilled at sensing and working with thoughts– to learn how to clear yourself (my clearing course is a wonderful start), which will basically clear out stuff that isn’t “yours” on a regular basis… a skill that every sensitive/psychic needs to learn.

There are also skills to be able to see and recognize this sea of thoughts. Although this is a skill that really needs to be taught one-on-one (and I am not just saying that) the simple recognition by the sensitive that they are likely taking on thoughts that are not their own is an excellent place to start. With awareness comes discernment.

But now we come to the other half of this… what our own thoughts create.

It is really true that we create our reality in a lot of ways. But what we do, in general, is create our illusions.

Let me explain. We have our “real” selves, the authentic aspect of ourselves that is a part of divinity. We are whole, realized, healed, and truly in our power. This is within every person.

But then we have layers and layers of illusion and trauma and such on top of this. Either our own trauma or trauma and illusions passed down to us from varying sources (for more about this you can read my first book, The Spiritual Awakening Guide).

So we have these aspects of ourselves that are distinctly “not whole”– they are traumatized and struggling with the patterns and illusions and beliefs that we have been given.

There is also the struggle of everyday life. Life as a human is difficult. It is joyous (or can be), wonderful, blissful, scary, anger-inducing, grief-inducing. It is up and down and cycles through things. And if we have trauma this is magnified.

Most of us are really chaotic– we have so much trauma and very little understanding of who we are as people. We do not know what our beliefs are or who we are separate from what we have been given by others in this world.

But on top of this we create. We create thoughtforms. We create illusions. We create difficulties and more chaos for ourselves.

It really is true that we create our world, in a way. But what most of us do is to create illusion. Out of our trauma, beliefs, and thoughts, we create. Thoughtform is a word (in its simplest definition) that means thoughts taking form. Often into a distinct shape, pattern, or circumstance.

So to be simplistic about this (or try to be) I will say that if we are wounded, traumatized, and out of touch with who we are… we create thoughtforms from those wounds. We create illusions from those wounds. We create chaos in our lives from that trauma.

We create and create some more our lives. If we believe ourselves to be worthless, we will create and shape our world to prove this to us again and again.

To add more complexity to this, there is a saying that “we do not see people as they are, we see them as we are.” I very much find this to be true. We cast people in roles to meet our trauma, we insert thoughts and thoughtforms, basically energetically overlying who they are (their authentic self)… thus casting them in a role to meet us playing out the same traumas and our illusions perpetuated from that trauma again and again.

To add even more complexity to this, a lot of modern spirituality is escapism. I have worked with and met people who have constructed whole worlds, relationships, and so forth that didn’t actually exist (on any level). They did so because they had the natural capacity to do so (they either were naturally talented/able with spiritual work or had meditated for a while) or because on some subconscious (or conscious) level they took a look at their life, realized how difficult it was, and decided to create an illusory world for themselves instead.

This is not an uncommon thing. If we can find a place to “escape” where we feel empowered, brave, sexual, or anything else… that sounds pretty good. However, our thoughts and subsequent thoughtforms have consequences. They shape our reality. And eventually what happens is that instead of becoming more whole, or healed, we go further into illusion and lack of clarity. We further disassociate, we further create chaos and trauma for ourselves. Basically, instead of coming more “home” we further fracture and cause chaos and difficulties for ourselves.

All of us do this in some form– we create out of our thoughts. We give power to our thoughts to further obscure our reality. Our thoughts are “things” and have form, and consolidate into our reality. This is from our unmet needs, from our wounds/trauma, and from the layer of consciousness we operate at.

Oddly, we do this to protect ourselves. Working with trauma is difficult. Working to understand and realize who we fully are and our power is an extraordinary and beautiful path but we often have so many thoughts and beliefs and restrictions from ourselves (as well as our parents, society, culture, gender, ancestry, etc) that the idea of us coming into our own power, into our own clarity, sounds either incredibly impossible or frightening.

We protect ourselves, we protect these traumatized aspects of self… we protect the disassociated aspects of self… the parts of ourselves that want to create difficulty and chaos for us again and again because we believe that we are kept safe if we do so.

If we know that the world is always going to be one way, there is safety in that. If we create illusions and thoughtforms there is safety in that, because we do not have to fully inhabit our relationships and friendships. If we cause further illusions for ourselves, or populate our entire world with thoughtforms we do not have to deal with the messy business of becoming authentic. Of becoming real. Of resolving those inner demons, that inner self that is calling out for attention and focus.

It is far easier to cause illusion, to create thoughtforms… even if they are causing us immense amounts of pain and dissatisfaction in our lives.

So there are limits to this. Even if you think that you are the worst person on earth in your mind you can only impact your universe so much. This is a subject of power (yes, I use that word a lot). If we think a thought a lot, yes, it is more likely to take shape and come true (both negative and positive, by the way). But much like the positivity examples, we have to perpetually think thoughts, or have deeply held beliefs (or immense trauma) for them to take shape and form our world.

Some people are more talented at this than others, by the way. They are naturally talented at working with the mental “layer” of things, and project things more readily, for better or worse.

And there are all sorts of wonderful things you can do if you know how to skillfully work with thoughts and thoughtforms. If you know how to consciously work with them there are few limitations of what you can create (but again, might need to get a job to get that car).

But like anything, understanding and working with thoughtforms is a skill. There is a point that people get to in their path that they are willing to recognize them, or to work with them (beyond surface sort of “I want” level of this sort of stuff), otherwise there is always that cognitive dissonance there, of it not being the right time to recognize the impact of this type of energy. Waking up to the realization of this energy, and its effects on your life and the world is profound, it is a shift… and a sort of initiation experience. But the first step is awareness, and a recognition of your own thoughts taking form.


Spiritual Awakening and Illusion

When I was first going through the spiritual awakening process (I still am, but I am in a very phase than I was back then), I looked through an incredible amount of resources and went to teachers and healers of all sorts in an effort to understand what was going on with me.

I have expressed this sentiment before, but one of the greatest difficulties about my journey is that most of the world is steeped in illusion and I was breaking free from that. But even more concisely, most of the field of “spiritual studies” and “awakening” is steeped in illusion to the extent that it is far removed from the actuality of the experience.

In general, I do not mind what individuals do with themselves. If they want to call themselves a Shaman, or if they want to say that they are experiencing a Kundalini awakening when they are clearly not (and clearly know next to nothing about the actuality of either subject) that is their business.

I used to have a great deal of resentment about the above because of how hard I struggled. The sort of initiations I have had to go through, the experiences that I have had I would not wish on anyone. They have made me a clearer, more intelligent person who knows her purpose in this world… but my path has been extraordinarily difficult. I have had a lot of difficulty reconciling the fact that I have not had much choice in certain regards as to what I do for a living (for example), while other people can sort of play-act being a “shaman”; or that I cannot have what others would term a “normal” existence (whether I would want one is a much different matter), and have always thought differently than others, which in a society in which we are all expected to think similarly (standardized education and such) caused me a great deal of difficulty until I began to appreciate it (and get book deals from it, quite frankly).

This sort of upset followed me for a long time until I was able to truly accept my path and make peace with it.

Now that I am over the initial existential sort of angst that comes with having experiences that few in this world do, I have become a bit more philosophical about the subject. While the individual who states they are undergoing a kundalini awakening, or states they are (insert word here) has very little effect on me, the fact that the entirety of the “spiritual studies” sort of realm is focused on illusory awakening does.

So what is illusory awakening? Recently someone forwarded me a self-published book excerpt about how to “awaken your kundalini”. Everything in there was about how easy it was, and about how now the person had “perfect health, and was perfectly realized”. This, of course, made me laugh a bit. There are a lot of benefits to a kundalini awakening, especially when you are past a certain point, but perfect health is not one of them. You just have too much energy cycling through you and there is no such thing as perfect realization– you either continue to deepen your realizations or you become stagnant (and ego-driven/narcissistic/mentally imbalanced etc).

Illusory awakenings are all around us. They are what is talked about, basically. I am talking about the word “kundalini” a lot because it is the newest buzzword in the illusory awakening community. People feel a bit of qi/prana and think they are experiencing a kundalini awakening. They do not know what a kundalini awakening entails, but since all they know about it is that it is an intense spiritual experience (and from their worldview they either want it or think they have had it without understanding that kundalini awakenings have specific phases, signs, and symptoms) they, of course, have had one.

Basically, the illusion of awakening is the popularized, aspirational surface level thoughts of awakening that have nothing to do with the actuality of it.

The reality is that anyone going through an awakening, an actual awakening, is going to have difficulty. Whether you have had a near-death experience, kundalini, are feeling a spiritual call, felt the holy ghost, or are going through a gentler awakening… the true process is one of small “deaths”– of casting off what you are not to realize what you are. This is difficult, even when done gradually. Waking up to illusion is difficult to reconcile. Realizing that most of the world is zombified and going through the motions on auto-pilot is difficult to reconcile. There are a whole host of physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual difficulties that come with any type of awakening…

But this is not what sells. 

The simple truth is that the illusion of awakening sounds great. We would all love to be these perfected, realized beings in perfect health. If we have not had spiritual experiences, the idea of having a “big awakening” sounds like a wonderful experience. If we have had any type of spiritual experience, we are likely to believe that our spiritual experiences are something truly intense, such as a kundalini awakening. And we are likely to do this out of simple ignorance– we don’t know anything about kundalini, or perhaps have read a wikipedia page about it, and have decided that we want it. That it is now part of our mythology.

And again, people are welcome to believe the myths and illusions they create about themselves.

This mythology, the illusions we create about ourselves, even about the subject of our “awakening” are yet another layer of illusion on top of all of the illusions that people should be dealing with, ironically further obscuring an awakened state, but that is another matter.

But we have a difficulty here of the fact that thousands of people are really and truly awakening. They are going through near death experiences and feel weird that all of the information out there is about how great they are, they are awake and look at the teachers and gurus who claim the same and see the illusion (and delusions), they are having a kundalini awakening and find that all of the information out there is for people who have experienced a bit of energy in their bodies that is on a pranic/qi level rather than the fierce volcano and destructive bliss that is kundalini, they are being called to be a shaman/spiritual worker and find themselves castigated and admonished because everyone in their spiritual group is a “whitelighter” who thinks like everyone else does (I have a funny story about this for another time, I suppose, but spiritual workers tend to think differently than other people do, and this is not really appreciated by most others).

The difficulty is that with all of the illusion, all that is being sold to us, all of the aspirational sorts or people who have had minimal spiritual experiences but want to feel as if they are something grand taking the labels (whether it be kundalini, witch, shaman, psychic, awake, walk-in, etc) that people truly having experiences cannot find the information that they need.

So forget the labels for a moment, forget the misguided ignorance of the individual, and focus on this.

Awakening and spiritual experiences have a specific pattern to how they are sold, they have a specific packaged look. No matter who or what subject the spiritual topic is about– if we are talking about mainstream, surface level spirituality– the spirituality that is for the masses– it is intended for a single purpose. To sell you on the fact that you need something in your life in order to be okay. To sell you on the authority of the person speaking so you don’t have to think or explore or realize on your own. They teach that there is always something external that you need to be or do that you haven’t done yet.

And more than that, they cause for people who are truly undergoing any sort of awakening to feel as if they are not okay if they are beyond these understandings. They cause confusion for people who are having a kundalini awakening and find themselves amongst other “kundalini-ites” who have no idea what the energy is actually like. They cause for people who have had near-death experiences to feel depressed that they didn’t realize that the entire universe operates on “ohm”. They cause for anyone who is truly awakening to feel out of place, to feel left behind.

Because most of the world is not going through an awakening. This is the only way that someone can sell awakening to someone– if they are not awake themselves. If you are not a shaman, witch, magical practitioner… someone who has not experienced kundalini, or Jesus, is not “awake” or has not had direct experiences of a spiritual nature… it is easy to tell others how wonderful they are, or how easy they are, or how you can have one for $99.95. It is a rarity in this world for someone with a near-death experience (for example) to talk about how much difficulty they have had “coming back”. It is a rarity for someone to truly say that awakening has brought incredible gifts and realizations but it is an incredibly fucking hard thing to do. In the sea of new-age kundalini-ites who all “want” the energy, or believe they have experienced it, it is hard to actually be experiencing it.

But again, there are thousands of us who are. Who know that there is a sharp divide between the illusion of awakening, the story of awakening that is sold to the masses who want to aspire to be and know something different… who want an experience that makes them feel special… and those of us who are in the trenches, working towards healing the major patterns and stories and lifetimes of traumas so that we can become clear. Who know that the journey is both blissful and terrible, sometimes at the same time.

What is important to realize is that if you are ready for it, you will come to the right information. The right people. The right experiences. The right teachers. It often takes a while to wade through the illusions (and delusions) out there on any spiritual subject, but if you are a person who is awakening, if you are a person of depth, it happens. People who are awakening have a light (this is actually quite literal) and are able to find one another. Put your light on and you will find your way beneath the murky waters of illusions that have populated most of the ocean to the ocean floor. You will truly find here, and you will realize, looking up, that the rest of the ocean is what it is intended to be.

In Utero Healing… and Connecting to Source

birth-466140_640One of the largest unhealed sources of pain for people is the in utero experience.

If we were wanted, how we were treated, and how we came together energetically and spiritually while in utero determines a great deal of our thinking about ourselves and the world around us for the rest of our lives.

How we were born, what sort of love and support we felt, the physical nature of the birth experience will create our understandings of if this world is a place that we feel we are struggling to be a part of on a consistent basis, or if the world is something we move through with ease.

Any trauma that we experience in utero or in the birthing process makes a significant imprint on us. 

Trauma during this time can be physical (did we get enough nutritionally, did we have enough space, and so forth), emotional (what were our mother’s thoughts/emotions about us being born, what were our father’s thoughts/emotions, what were our own?, how did the household as a whole react to the realization that we were there… or that we were going to be born?), energetic/spiritual (what energies did we come in with? what ancestral, past life, karmic energies and residue is already there? what is society like, what sort of world are we being born into at the time of our birth?)

I realize this is a large list, but there is even more to consider than these basic questions…

Our in utero and birth experience is not only a significant imprint, it is (arguably) the single most important imprint that we form.

Our first breath, in fact, teaches us about the basic energetics of the world. Was our first breath easy for us? Did we feel supported and loved in this time? Our first breath energetically sets the basis for our basic energetic nature throughout our lives as long as it remains unhealed.

This means that if we are gasping for air, we might have a basic energetic nature of feeling like life can never support us… as if we are continually drowning and grabbing on to anything around us to help us throughout life. If we freely breathe in our first breath but we are not in the vicinity of our mother or father, we may not feel supported or loved by life. If our first breath is in any way problematic, we may find ourselves being more of a “taker” in this world, or in competition with others, because our first imprint of the physical world (our first breath) was that we needed to fight for our place in this world.

As we are developing in utero a variety of energies come together to create us. 

We are a grouping of energies, and we come together for the purposes of this lifetime. In utero is the time that we come together spiritually, when our basic spiritual grids are formed that determine everything from our physical nature to our emotions to many of our beliefs. While many of these energies may come from different sources (energies from karmic, past lives, family, ancestral) while these energies are coming together we are also drastically influenced by the container we are formed in (the in utero experience).

So in utero we are a formation of energy, carrying over varying imprints from other sources, and they are creating our own blueprint for the purposes of our individual lifetime. But the emotions, energies, beliefs, and circumstances of the time in utero (especially coming from the mother, but the father as well is a part of this) can drastically change these blueprints. 

The single most common belief that comes from having difficult or traumatizing in utero experiences is the belief that we are not intended to be here… or that the Earth doesn’t support us. A very similar belief coming from this time is the belief that we need to do everything ourselves, or that nobody loves, likes, or supports us.

We may also feel like the world, or the people in it, are out to get us, dislike us, or that we are somehow separate from the Earth or society. Other common issues stemming from this time are consciously wanting to die (latent or not-so-latent death wish), a background of latent emotion that doesn’t seem to come from anywhere (this can be ancestral or from other sources as well, but can be from this, such as constantly being filled with rage or grief for no reason), significant self esteem and self-worth issues, self-destructive tendencies (yes, I include addiction with this, although it can be a lot of different behaviors), and overwhelming emotions that arise when the subjects of birth, in utero experiences, while having a child yourself, or conscious knowledge of trauma during the in utero experience or birthing process.

This is not a comprehensive list, but as you can see, a lot of people have large unhealed energies from the in utero experience. Just because you have one “symptom” doesn’t mean you have an unhealed in utero experience, by the way, but as many people do, it is a safe bet to assume that something could be healed there for most people.


One of the biggest reasons why many people take so much in this world is because they were not given the nurturing and support they needed, the healing they needed in utero. 

Again, this is one of the biggest reasons we constantly feel in competition with others, and feel as if the world is not a safe place to be. Interestingly, I have worked with many people who really have felt like (and actually are) from “someplace else” (keeping things general) and while they very well might be, or are, the more significant piece of healing beyond healing the origin story is always the in utero experience.

If we feel we were wanted, loved, and supported in utero we will feel wanted, supported, and loved by the world.

But while we cannot have conscious recall (well, most of us) of the in utero circumstances in order to heal this, we can heal this through spiritual work. We can retrace our steps and heal everyone involved until we have a good birth– the birth we wanted. We can consciously decide to incarnate, to be here, and to connect again to ourselves, to the people around us, and to the Earth itself.

And I will likely write another blog about this, but we can go back and go through our births and heal them. There is such a thing as a good birth, and a good death, and proper spiritual work can heal both of those things.

We can go all the way back until we are able to remember our initial separation from Source, our being birthed from oneness into individuality. This is often a profound process for people to work through, as there is often a great deal of grief, rage, and misunderstanding of being separated from Source. Healing our separation from source can have a profound impact on our lives, if we are ready and willing to go there.

We can truly begin to feel loved and wanted by the Earth, despite whatever our actual circumstances were. While we cannot change the physicality of things (lack of nourishment, for example) we can dramatically have an impact on the imprints we have developed, and clear the emotions, beliefs, and imbalanced grids that developed during this crucial time.

We can have a first breath that allows for life to fill our lungs, and to feel totally sustained by this world.

If you would like to work with me, you can contact me. I work via Skype/phone worldwide, and require people to write me a bit about why they would like an appointment with me so I can make certain that I can help them. You can find out more information about my ethics and practices here, and contact me here.

Emotional Blackmail and the Victim Archetype

So although this isn’t the cuddliest thing to talk about, this time of year tends to bring out some of the more difficult patterns (especially interpersonally) with people. We are interacting with people (i.e. family and some friends) that we don’t normally, and so we have to deal with some issues… and people… that we may be able to steer clear of the rest of the year.

But no matter what time of year it is, an understanding of how certain people relate to the world can be really important. But why is this important? You may be asking this, especially as we begin to talk about people who are difficult, miserable, or emotionally blackmail and manipulate others.

Because if we can understand people and what they are looking for, we can stop reacting to them. We can maintain our boundaries with them. We can be confronted with the worst type of person and not give them the satisfaction of the reaction that they want.

But more on that later…

I have written a bit about the Victim Triangle (or the Drama Triangle as some call it) here. I have found this construct helpful in understanding people, specifically those who present themselves as a victim. But you can read about that in the linked blog.

When talking about the “Victim” it is important to realize that I have compassion for this type of person, as should you. We all go through struggle in our lives, and some of us have been victimized again and again in this world.

But we all have a personal choice. We can remain the victim, look out at the world as a victim, and remain broken and victimized… or we can look at our struggles as a source of strength. We can realize that however horrific something was that we survived it, and take on the archetype of “warrior”, “survivor”, or “hero” instead. And we can do this even if we are still struggling to heal, even if we still feel broken or victimized or hurt… even if we are struggling to forgive.

The Victim emotionally blackmails others to get what they want.

This is a bold statement I realize, but we all, unless we have really and truly worked on ourselves, respond emotionally to people (and even then, we still can and do). We like to think ourselves as creatures of logic, but we are not. We are emotional creatures. 

The Victim Archetype has realized this.

They will tell their story in hopes of sympathy, in hopes of support. This is all well and good– we all need support, we all need help.

But their agenda is not to receive that sympathy or support. In fact, many who hold onto the Victim archetype will actively refuse much needed help or support and see an agenda behind it. They are unable to see (or perhaps were never able to see) the world as a supportive place, and may believe that the world and all of the people in it are out to continually victimize them.

The Victim Archetype will actively tell their story so they can emotionally blackmail others.. so they can get the response they want and need. 

So the real question is what do they want and need? They may need help, they may want help, and some are willing to rise above the victim archetype and into the warrior or hero archetype, and those people are seeking help to heal or to be in community.

But others who do this are so stuck on being the Victim that they really are looking for people to either enable them, which means that they will continue to be a Victim but just with more energy (your energy, in fact… and likely your time, emotions, and the sort of drama that come from people like this creating havoc in your life)… or to become a perpetrator to them, consolidating their view that the world and the people in it are continually persecuting them and victimizing them.

They do this by emotional blackmail, by continually telling their story and wanting a reaction based off of it. It is beautiful when a survivor tells their story. It is emotional blackmail when someone tells their story or talks about their lives for the express purpose of either taking energy from you (provoking an emotional reaction) or to get you to do something for them. It is also typical that this is incredibly one-sided, as the eternal Victim has nothing to give, and will attach to others to drain them of their energy…

And energetically and spiritually how and when we have the most energy is when we are having an emotional reaction to something. Magical and spiritual practitioners for millennia have known the power of emotions and what sort of energy they generate. Although many do not know this consciously, “trolls” on the internet, friends, family, and the Victim archetype all provoke emotional reactions in order to deplete others of energy.

So hopefully many of the Victims of this world will rise up, will see the strength and power of being a survivor, a hero, and become a light to others. Hopefully they will realize that their beliefs are coloring their world, and the world can be a place that can nurture and support them. Hopefully they can heal, and fill that emptiness inside that has them reaching out again and again, provoking and emotionally blackmailing others to fill that black hole within themselves… and instead fill it with their own power. I have hope that many can, and I have seen others through this process many times… and it is always beautiful to witness someone realizing their own strength and resiliency, to witness someone heal after something traumatic (or many things traumatic).

But it is not our responsibility to change the Victim. They have to want to, and they have to be ready to do so. And some (or many) will not do so, because it is difficult, or they are too broken to, or just are not yet ready to.

So what can we do when faced with the Victim? We can realize what they are doing. We can realize the emotional manipulation, the blackmail. We can see them for who they truly are. People who are healed and whole do not need to fill up on the energy of other people, and they do not need to manipulate others.

Feel sad for the person that they need to be this way in the world, and how hard that must be for them. How hard it must be to think that everyone and everything is victimizing you, and the only way you can make your way in this world is by emotionally blackmailing others.

It is such a hard existence to think this way and to act this way. These people are lonely, desperate, and reactionary… lashing out at anyone and anything that they perceive is persecuting them.

Once you realize who they are, and what they are doing, name it in your mind: “Oh, this person is the perpetual Victim archetype, and they are emotionally blackmailing me to get me to do something for them or to cause a reaction”.

Although this seems simple, this is often enough to maintain and realize boundaries. Once you realize someone is like this, you stop emotionally reacting to them. You stop giving them what they need, what they are trying to feed on, and you will stop enabling them. And when you do this, they will at first get angry and treat you as a persecutor (especially if you have enabled them in the past). But if you realize who they are continually, you stop reacting to them. You stop giving them your energy (and likely your time, and so forth).

The Victim then has two choices– they can either find someone new… or they can interact with you in a new way. Most will choose to find someone new rather than interact with you in a new way. Their patterns are too ingrained, and they are not ready or do not wish to heal.

But you are then free. Free to interact with them without this cycle occurring, free to not interact with them if you do not need to… conscious and free to be who you are, with boundaries, and to not let anyone manipulate you into doing something emotionally, physically, or energetically, that goes against your nature.


The Three Levels of Power

I talk about the concept of power quite a bit with clients and in my blogs, so I thought I would devote a whole blog to simply describing (as best as I can) what power is and how it is achieved.

First things first, though… we have a lot of loaded energy around the word “power” when it comes to spiritual practices. I remember one of my beginning teachers saying that “sorcerers” hungered after “power”– as if it was the mark of someone doing bad things, evil things to utilize power, or to even want power.

I realized later that this is one of those divisive tactics that is so common in modern-day spiritual communities. If you never find your own power, you always need the power of someone else… like a teacher or guru. 

If you actually find your power, or if on your spiritual quest you actually find what you are looking for (going from seeker to sought) you don’t need to buy the latest books, go to workshops, follow a teacher around and quote them. You can think and do and be for yourself.

And this frightens teachers. Some teachers, anyway.

Because there are teachers out there who have amassed a great following, and if those people are healed, if those people find their own power, their following dwindles. Some of these teachers have not come up with a new thought or idea for a long time, and keep on publishing the same ideas over and over… and people buy them again and again. It is rare that people notice that most “self-help” or “shamanic” books are largely the same as one another, all repeating the same things… and most are sorely lacking in any “how-to’s”– any techniques or actually telling you how you can achieve what they have supposedly.

But back to talking about power.

Power is considered to be a sort of dirty word, as if we are wrong if we want power… like we will suddenly turn into Voldemort or whomever the current cultural villainous sorcerer is if we do.

But power is who we are. If we fully are who we are, if we understand who we are, if we totally and completely know who we are we have achieved power.

And in any form of spiritual work, cultivation of power begins with the self (the first level, if you will). If you do not know how to cultivate power within yourself (there are lots of methods of this out there from self-enquiry to qigong to reiki to nature hikes) you are somewhat stunted in terms of how much spiritual growth you can have. You can only achieve so much, learn so much in the spiritual realms if you have no concept of who you are and have not cultivated your own power.

And again, cultivating your own power takes time. It takes effort. It will not happen tomorrow if you start today. But even if you are starting today, picking a self-cultivation method and sticking with it, learning how to truly understand who you are and the energy dynamics within your own body… understand how you energetically, physically, and spiritually are interacting with the Universe… it is a step in the right direction.

The second level of power is considered “dark work”. It is a crucial step that most people skip over to the more “shiny” third level. It is learning how to work with the Earth, understanding the dynamics of the Earth and its inhabitants. It is learning how to work with the ancestors (as a general concept) as well as your ancestors.

This again takes time. We do not forge spiritual relationships overnight. Going out into the woods and speaking to or sitting by a tree is wonderful. But after ten years of speaking to trees, you have enough connection and understanding to know when you are self-creating (what you want to hear, what you want to experience and mentally creating that) and when you can actually feel the vibration of the Earth, the essence of “dark” energies flowing through you.

Each source of power has an essence, a flow, a current. It is by deeply entering into that current that we achieve power. 

Any time that we have power, that we come into contact with power, it is a palpable thing. We feel the vibration of it, the current. We may feel a slightly elevated sense of energy when talking to ourselves (self-creating), but this is nothing like being in the full current of power… of having energies be so strong around you that you can feel their emanations, their vibrations through you.

The third “layer” of power is working with the “heavens”, meaning deities, angelic presences, and elevated guides (such as the collective, ascended masters, etc).

And not to get too complicated, but there is sort of a 2.5 (or 3.5, depending on the energy) layer of connecting to elevated energies of a completely different vibration such as energy fields, ET’s, and assorted other-worldly beings (not elementals, they are in the “Earth” layer/second layer).

And not to get even more complicated, but after the layers you can just emanate and be with Source energy. But if you have not worked with the three layers, chances are your experience of pure Source energy is heavily filtered. You have not had the self-cultivation, or done the work to be able to directly interface with Source… (and yes, even if you are naturally sensitive, awake, have in a past life, etc… in fact, it is even more important to learn the tools and have the ability to cultivate energy if you do have natural power given to you by other sources).

Most people get interested in the third layer before the first two. And what happens is that they typically are self-creating, they aren’t tapping into that source of power. If you do not know yourself, if you have not self-cultivated your own power (layer one), if you have not connected to your lineage of power/ancestors that run through your blood, and to the energies of the Earth and World (second layer) it is rare that you will be able to work with the third layer in depth.

Some people are able to, by the way, for a variety of complex reasons I won’t get into here. But even for those people, if you are truly contacting something in the third layer, this is a massive source of power. Meaning microwave blowing up, house shaking, earth shaking types of energies. Meaning that the first time (or first many, many times) that you contact energies like this you are likely to be “blown out” – a term meaning basically that your senses are so overstimulated that you either black out or are unable to function for a period of time.

It is a lot of power, basically. And until you have created power through the first few layers (especially self-cultivation) you will not be able to understand it or work with it fully.

Until you reach that point, you are likely working with archetypes and sub-personalities. These have power, by the way. They are part of self-cultivation (level one). We all need to integrate, to understand who we are, to understand our own power. We disassociate from our own power, and it is easier for us to see an “outer” archangel than to think that we actually have power. So the archetypal relationships are important– they are part of us understanding our own power. But they are not separate from us (but still very important, as I have stated).

So why achieve power? If you want to work on a spiritual path, especially if you wish to become a spiritual worker, your trade is power. Meaning that in a more mundane way if you are in a bar and are 5’2″ and have never exercised a day in your life and want to fight someone who is 6’2″ and has five black belts, you likely are in a huge amount of trouble.

But I don’t want to fight? You say. I get that… but there are so many beings and energies out there that are looking for openings in people, especially those who are are spiritual workers. The amount of trickster energies and beings and other energies I have released from spiritual workers who were not aware of their presence (or just knew something weird was going on) because they did not have the appropriate power level to do the work, the self-cultivation path traversed, the proper tools to know how to clear themselves after working… let’s just say it is a lot.

If we want to go below the surface we need to achieve depth. Most people are at the surface layers of consciousness, of their spiritual path… even if they have been on a spiritual path for a long time. Despite the workshops, the large amounts of money spent, they are still parroting their teacher and his/her words, they still are looking for power outside of themselves. They haven’t learned how to actually think, act, or be for themselves, and have not learned who they are. The amount of “shamanic practitioners” I have worked with who have no idea who they are is still astonishing to me. I regularly talk to people who only want to hear what I have to think about their situation. I have no problem letting people know what I think, but my purpose in working with people is to get them the tools so they don’t need people like me except for specific situations. But they have spent so much time and money on seeking the outer they have no concept of the inner… and are often incredibly resistant to layer one (or two for that matter).

If we want to do spiritual work, or have a deep spiritual path, we need to have some power. To be safe, to stop self-creating, but also to simply be able to interact with specific energies or worlds. If we do not have power, we do not gain entry. If we do not have power, we only achieve a certain depth in the spiritual realms. If we do not have power, we can only do so much, basically. If we do not have power, we will be unable to interact with certain energies, and they will have limited interest in us. As we gain power, the amount of spiritual experiences we have increases (and gets much, much weirder by the way) and the more we are able to interact with energies and beings that were not willing or were unable to interact with us before.

And what’s more, if we have power, our work and our lives get much simpler (in a lot of ways, and in other ways get more complex). My work has gone from extremely complex to very simple. I no longer have this huge urge to seek, which is helpful financially but also on a soul level I don’t have that emptiness that always makes me look for the next thing… I no longer have that sort of quest that I once did. This is not saying I do not have a huge amount of work to do, but the “seeker” mentality, the idea that I need to know more or be more is no longer a factor in my life.

And many people are fine at the surface. It is safe there– we like safety, we like control. To venture beyond this is to realize that we only have so much safety and control.. that we only know so much. I always know how fake a guru/teacher/etc is when they talk about how they know the totality of the cosmos (or about death, what happens after death, has every answer spiritually, etc).

I am not telling people to move beyond what they are ready for. People are where they are, and they will do what they are ready for if and when the time comes. But if anyone is looking for depth, for power, they can find it… with patience, with readiness, and with finding a simple tool (or two) and sticking with it for a period of time.

Therapy, Medication, Kundalini, and Spiritual Awakening

So I occasionally get asked by someone to talk about my feelings of “standard treatments” and Spiritual Awakenings, such as Kundalini awakenings.

I am generally a reasonable person, and so my response to the person is that each person is individual and must do what is right for themselves in their own life. Which is the truth. I am not you, and I cannot decide if therapy, hospitalization, medication, and so forth is the right trajectory for you. Sometimes it is. But what is more often the case is that the current treatment options for anyone who is acting out of the “ordinary” and admits to it, or is not functional in their daily lives is medication and/or hospitalization. Basically, if it is not physical, it is mental.

That is where we are as a society, and where we still are in terms of treating diseases. Our society as a whole is just now really (well maybe for the last decade or two) understanding that mind and body are connected, and their are a gamut of new-age authors who were former doctors (or something like that) who say that they truly understand the mind-body-spirit and have discovered how they are connected. Most of them are talking about the mind-body connection, and their understandings are really surface but palatable to a wide, mainstream new-age audience who is just discovering the same surface understandings, but I won’t go there in this blog.

Most of the material about spiritual awakenings that has been introduced to a mainstream audience (well, an audience that has been interested in it, so not exactly mainstream) has been through psycho-therapeutic models. Meaning that psychiatrists and psychologists became interested in the subject and have written books, and done studies and programs about it. A lot of this material is still enormously helpful and insightful, by the way, even if it was written decades ago by this point. I do not wish to castigate this material, suggest it is not important, or that it is not essential readings and understandings for anyone going through a spiritual awakening.

But the psychotherapeutic model has its limitations.

Mainly because it considers anything deviating from “normal behavior”– meaning anything that the “normal” sleeping person (the person that just goes about their life in the repeated behavior/loops and is under a lot of conditioning and never really questions it, or gets upset if they have to) wouldn’t do is considered aberrant behavior because it diverges from that state. Meaning that anyone who is actually going through a spiritual awakening has something wrong with them because they are not acting or living their lives how a “normal” person should act.

There are all sorts of words for this– Qi gong sickness, or Meditation Related Problems, or Problems Related to Spiritual Practice. All diagnosable (some questionable diagnoses by the mainstream of psychiatry still, by the way) issues.

The difficult with this is that the Spiritual Awakening process is an aberration, but it doesn’t mean that something is wrong. In fact, it often means that something is really right. That someone is awakening beyond conditioned reality. And what happens is that the psychotherapeutic model defines this aberration as wrong, bad, medication or hospitalization worthy so that the person can return to “normal”– meaning the sleeper state.

I have read countless studies, for example, of well meaning physicians who became interested in “meditation related problems” who have blamed meditation for the cause of the issues presenting. In some cases it very much is an issue, by the way… we tend to focus on meditations that are too advanced for us (going from A to Z in one leap), make contact with spiritual truths that are too much for us to process, or focus on meditations that open us up psychically (open your third eye!) without processing any of our lower chakra stuff first. But even in those cases, what the person needs is someone to help them process, not someone to diagnose them and put them back to sleep.  

And many times, even if it is the “wrong” meditation, what is actually happening is this… the person is going through an Awakening. It is uncomfortable. It is causing physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual issues. It is causing the person to become non-functional in their daily lives, or to realize that their former, sleeping lives are not who and what they want to be now. 

And this is certainly an aberration– a deviation from the norm. But we have a tendency to want to put back to sleep anything that is uncomfortable, anything that causes pain or dis-ease or difficulty in our lives. 

And many times what is happening in spiritual awakening is a healing process. A rapid, uncomfortable, healing process. 

But that is not how it is treated in the psycho-therapeutic model. 

We are so used to medicating anything that makes us feel. Any emotions that are coming up (and there will be a lot in the awakening process) that we cannot define as “our own” are treated as dysfunctions, and something to be medicated or treated.

This is because psychotherapeutic methods have only “awakened” to the family system level. It is still news, and not accepted– that ancestral patterns, past lives, societal, world, cosmic patterns (for example, there are others… you can read about them in my book) live within us and can be expressed, processed, worked through. So when someone is coming upon a pile of rage, or a huge amount of grief that does not come from early childhood, psychotherapeutic practitioners do not (by and large) have the knowledge to know how to identify these patterns or work with them. So typically what happens is that the person under their care will go through therapy (talk therapy) to go over their early childhood again and again to solve the mental aspects of this (which certainly can be helpful) or to give the person some tools to help them in their daily lives be a bit more functional… or in some cases medication or being told they will “just have to live” with things.

Because most psychotherapeutic practitioners typically have a great deal of ignorance about the spiritual awakening process, or about anything beyond early childhood type trauma or energies. Some do, by the way, and are exploring ancestral work (family constellations) or spiritual awakening (transpersonal, some jungian, for example) but even many of those still define the spiritual awakening process not as a process of growth, of unfolding, and of healing… but of one of deviation from societal norms that must be stopped. 

We do not like to feel, to experience, to grow. Growth can be painful, it can be brutal in fact. And our current society, our current cultural mindset is to make anything painful, out-of-the ordinary, or difficult simply go away. To sweep it under the rug, to put it back to sleep, to drug, drink, and screw it away until we no longer remember our existential pain.

SO I WILL SAY WITH A LOT OF CAVEATS: I am not a physician, I am not a therapist. I personally do not find those models helpful, and never particularly have. Personally, I have needed much more work on a spiritual level vs. a mental level, and have worked far beyond the context of any early childhood pain that I have experienced… and don’t feel the need to talk about it much anymore.

BUT I WILL SAY THIS: There currently is not a model in place to keep people in Spiritual Emergency safe. This is, unfortunately, the hospital systems and psychotherapeutic models. It is the limitations of our current cultural mindset that causes this. But I digress. There are some points in the spiritual awakening process that someone may need hospitalization or medication or they will harm themselves, or someone else. They are so broken down that they need someone to watch over them, and their family or friends are not able to.

I very much understand this. I also wish it was different, but for people who are in such a state of emergency, this is their only option, and it is often life-saving.

The difficulty with this option is that it goes on your “record” and you are given medication. Medication that is hard to titrate off of (despite what clinicians might say, all anti-depressants and/or anti-psychotics are extremely difficult to work your way off of, some more than others… but Acupuncture can really help with this by the way if you are wanting to do so in concert with your physicians knowledge). Once you are on medication it is intended to be for the long-term, and you are also expected to be in therapy for a long time (typically).

All of these methods may be life-saving, but medication in particular stops the spiritual awakening process. It just does– again, some more than others (I work with plenty of people on medication, by the way, and don’t pass judgement on people who are taking it, as I have mentioned, these are simply my thoughts). This may be exactly what you want or need if you are reading this, by the way. I do understand that, I have compassion for that. I talk to people weekly who I tell truthfully that I cannot help– they are too far gone into an emergency state that they need someone local (at the very least) because I work through teaching people tools and understandings to work through their stuff, and if they are not in a place to be able to process something (or anything) that I say, there isn’t much, quite frankly, that I can do.

My last caveat (I promise): Again, I am not a physician, but as someone who has gone through a difficult process I know that one of the biggest difficulties in this world is that people think that their own experiences, their own opinions and insights need to be had by everyone else. Basically, what this means is that (like I mentioned above) I do not personally suggest medication for people going through Spiritual Awakening, and I think that therapy is helpful only to a certain limited point (see limitations above) because the Spiritual Awakening process is spiritual, not mental… But I am not you. I cannot decide for you what you should do with your life. You can read my thoughts to family members of people going through Spiritual Awakening here, but I am not living your life and cannot decide what the right trajectory for you is. I am the first to acknowledge that hospitals can be life-saving. That is what they are there for. If you are at that point, that might be the best decision for you. But if you are not, you may want to consider things a bit more deeply.

Ideally, some day there will be treatment centers focused on giving people who are experiencing Spiritual Awakenings a place to really process what is coming up for them… instead of pushing it back down to the depths of their subconscious (Anyone want to give me funding for this?) But until that day, we must live in a world that all of us have co-created, and do the best that we can. There are ways to work with Spiritual Awakenings so they are not treated as a diagnosable process, an aberration, or something to be put back to sleep. There really are. The Spiritual Awakening process, despite its difficulty, allows for you to release what is not whole– what is broken, traumatized, and conditioned in you– so you can awaken to who you truly are. Just imagine if we could have that basic understanding… or if the whole world could (or at least the allopathic world could).

If you are interested in working with me, you can contact me

Fear of Life

We are inhibited by our fears. We let them cloak us, color our world, and whisper things to us that break down our self-worth, convince us that we will never succeed, that we are not worthy of succeeding.

Deep down in the dingiest places of our subconscious we fear being alive, we fear being well, vital, healthy, and happy.

In the spiritual awakening process this fear comes out full force. Fear of ourselves. Fear of death. Fear of the unknown. Fear of not being in control. Fear that there is something wrong with us. Fear of fear.

These fears multiply and restrict us until fear is all we see, fear is all we know.

We can have everyone around us tell us not to be afraid, not to fear. But still we do.

The single most oppressive thing we can do to ourselves is fear. 

When we come in touch with our fear we begin the self-creation process. We create circumstances, events, and our lives around this fear. We create fear monsters, fear demons, aspects of ourselves and the outer world that we are so afraid of that we significantly restrict ourselves from experiencing anything new out of life. We stop living. We stop experiencing. We no longer get well, or we get sicker. All due to fear.

When we fear we shut down. We stop ourselves. We restrict ourselves. We immobilize ourselves. It is the classic fear response– to be so afraid that we are no longer able to move.

Many of us do this in a subconscious, gradual way. We are afraid of the unknown, and we are used to our lives (even if they are miserable, unhealthy, or we simply wish for more) so we would rather go through our patterns of fear again and again because they are known. We know them intimately. We are in an almost erotic relationship with our fear, and we feel sexual release when we conquer it… but few of us do.

Because we are used to telling ourselves no. We are used to stopping ourselves. We are used to fear ruling our lives, stopping us from being who we are and who we want to be.

In the spiritual awakening process, especially in the case of significant awakenings (like Kundalini) fear is the number one thing holding people back from moving past fear, pain, and the difficulties of the process… into a place of joy, light, ease, and peace.

People are generally doing the best they can… or the best they think they can. They do not realize that this fear is ruling their lives. Or, they may be conscious of it to the point of being fearful of everything (such as what can happen in the Kundalini process) until they break down physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

No matter what you say to them they will always go to the side of fear. Because that is what they know. Breaking up with fear is like breaking off a relationship with a lover. Even if we can hear logically from friends, from therapists, and others that this person is no good for us we are used to our lover. We live with them, we know them intimately, they are there for us.

And who would we be without fear?

Fear is a choice, like most things are in this world. It is natural to be afraid in frightening situations. It is natural to feel fear.

But we do not need to let it run our whole lives, to whisper to us quietly from inside our minds. We do not need to let it destroy us, to ruin our health, to ruin our mental balance, to destroy what we have and hold dear in this world.

In the spiritual awakening process a breakdown of what we knew– everything from beliefs to emotions to traumas to our physical daily lives– occurs. This is natural. Believe it or not, it is worth it (although I very much know that it doesn’t feel this way at the time).

Because when we release all of the patterns, break down all the issues they can clear. And we can become who we are.

But most people do not go willingly into this. They fight, they allow for their minds and egos and their fear monster to whisper to them, to create difficulties for them, and for most people the experience of spiritual awakening is like trying to grab on to the edge of a cliff with their fingernails with high winds surrounding them.

It doesn’t have to be this way.

Yes, spiritual awakenings are difficult. But they do not have to be torturous. We have a choice. We can listen to the monster of fear which is telling us that we need to stay the same, that everything needs to stay the same… or we can decide to surrender to who we are becoming. To do the things we need to do, to break up with the fear, to move forward despite the fear… to be and accomplish what we want and know to be right in this world.

We can constrict, lock down, and break down… or we can expand, move past, and become.

Working in the Light

One of the thoughts that gets most sent to me (either verbally or via thoughtform) is that because I work with the dark that I must not work with the light (or something to that effect).

Others will go as far as to admonish me, or put negativity my way because I do work with the “dark”, and more than that I have compassion for “dark” things.

This is not only directed at me, but is the experience of most actual spiritual workers, shamans, witches, folk practitioners, etc. Most of these practices have been given a shiny coating of peace and love to the extent that anyone doing any actual spiritual work is perceived as “bad” while those who are play-acting and putting their puritanical ideals of what “light” means are “good”– at least in their own minds.

This is sad because historically spiritual methods and paths that have been a full spectrum of practices (in some cases for thousands of years) have now been diluted to appease the minds of new-agers. This has caused most knowledge, books, and message boards (everything from Shamanism to Witchcraft to Voodoo/Vodou and Hoodoo) to be filled with new agers who know nothing about the practices telling traditionalists or people that have studied this work for decades that anything not their own particular brand of “love and light” is bad. Due to this movement traditional practices are being represented to the outer commercial market as being this extremely surface version that has essentially been stripped of its power, knowledge, and spirituality in deference to the love and light movement.

The truth is that we cannot have the light without the dark… or the dark without the light… and anyone doing any sort of actual spiritual work will realize quickly that those labels are created out of fear by people who are not interfacing with anything of importance spiritually.

It is easy to put labels on things like a James Bond movie: James Bond= good, Russian spy (or whatever)= bad. In fact, most of the “lightworkers” who claim to work with anything dark (spirits, beings, elementals, demons) are doing so out of this dichotomy. Life isn’t this simple. The spiritual world isn’t this simple.

I have been doing spiritual work professionally for a while now, and interfacing with different spiritual realities for a very long time now. I know that once you get out of your own self-created world that the highest, shiniest angelic energy may be fierce enough to give you a headache for three days and blow out your microwave. This same energy may not care about you– it simply knows that you have the appropriate calibration/energy/ability to interact with it.

Similarly, something that is considered “demonic” can be easy and straightforward to work with– pulling no punches and telling you exactly how it is and what they need in order to leave a person, or family alone.

I am under no illusions, by the way (another new-ager favorite) that there is no such thing as evil. There is. This, like many things (curses, spirits, energy, etc), can only be denied by people who have not experienced evil and wish to remain ignorant of it. There are all sorts of energies out there that can be categorized as “dark” and “evil” because they are dark and evil.

But we are largely in a sea of thoughtforms, and most of what people encounter is either a simple spirit (former human) that they have decided is a “demon” or has told them they are a demon (kind of like someone you meet bragging at a club about how much money they make or something). Plenty of people are self-creating all sorts of demons out of fractured parts of their psyche. Even so, what I am simply stating is that something considered the darkest of the dark can be easy to get along with and understand, and something that is the lightest of the light can cause issues and may not care about you at all.

So this idea of only working in the light is false. What the person is most likely doing is creating a sort of cocoon for themselves, a sort of illusory spiritual reality of their own creation based on their own person belief systems, ethics, and emotional needs from the spiritual world.

This is why so many white people have “Native American” spirit guides (seriously, nobody has a Mexican spirit guide?) and why their guides (some from thousands of years ago supposedly) talk exactly like them, tell them what they want to hear, and are singularly and positively “light”.

The light is like anything else. There are different shades of it, different energies… and when you truly begin to work in the light, or with light beings or energies you are likely going to have unpleasant physical symptoms (at least for a while) while you work with them. They might not care about you personally, you are simply a vessel for them or someone that has the ability to work with them.

The idea that everything in the spirit world is in love with you, cares about your path, your personal belief systems (and piled on traumas, restrictions, and issues you have carried forward into this lifetime) is really odd if you think about it logically. Why would Archangel Michael have a personal interest in you? Especially if you have not developed a relationship with him, which most people simply don’t know how to do properly.

When we go beyond the constructs of the light we have created for ourselves based on our needs for the spirit world we discover real light. Spirits, beings, energies, angels, deities, elementals (you get the picture) that can bring us a lot of light, that can bring the light of pure divinity into this world. But most of us need to get over ourselves a bit and stop creating the spiritual realms out of our own needs to interface with them. And most people will not. We would rather believe that something is singularly white, pure, light, and singularly and almost obsessively involved with us than think that even the lightest beings have complex interests and understandings way beyond our own constructed illusions, and the needs of our fractured and traumatized Self.

If we are able to rise above (metaphorically) even the lightest archangel we may find ourselves directly in flow. With source. If we are going to talk about light energy, this is what it is all about. Pure flow washing through you. It is beautiful, sacred… a state of pure grace. Words are indescribable for this state which is why I (and others) simply call it “flow”. Because that is what it feels like.

The world, the cosmos, everything inside and outside of ourselves is made up of currents. When we are able to let go of our traumas, our illusions, we are able to find this place of flow.

A lot of people describe this state as being one of perfection, in which our lives will be filled with bliss and light and love. And it is. But what most people don’t understand (especially those who are still in the stage of categorizing dark=evil, light=good) is that you can have bliss and pain at the same time, despair and joy.

Dark and light is simply a continuum. 

As spiritual workers, or those interested in a spiritual path, we have one of two choices, seemingly:

1. Put ourselves in a cocoon or new-age sort of bubble where we self-create most of our spirituality. This allows for us to feel in control, to create things out of our own puritanical constructs, and to never really interface with anything outside of ourselves. In this way we can believe that the cosmos itself is centered around us, our thoughts, and our needs. We can remain comfortable and secure in our beliefs and anything (any thought, opinion, direct experience) that we come across that does not fit it we can simply cast aside as false.

In this manner we do not progress, but we are comfortable and secure with what we believe to be true about our spiritual reality. Many of the people in this category talk a good game about their “shadow” and doing personal work, but you will often find them judging others, not spiritually progressing, and not really understanding anything of a spiritual nature. This is because they don’t want to. The self-created is comforting, illusion is comforting. We feel in control, we feel like we are the center of the Universe, we can tell ourselves that we understand everything, we do not have to go into the beautiful, wild free-fall of category #2

2. We can work with a full spectrum of consciousness and continually unfold. We can realize that we are not the center of the cosmos, that the spirit world does not revolve around us and our needs or puritanical constructs. We can be wild, we can experience freedom. We will continually progress with the knowledge that whatever we know, however much we know, that we do not know very much.

The more light that we become the more darkness comes to us. Either our own or from outside sources. We begin to realize that the lighter you are the more you actually interface with darkness as well as the full spectrum of reality. Rather than hide from it, ignore it, or insert ourselves into a bubble we go beyond simple duality and constructs such as dark/light and realize that things are exceedingly simple, and not-so-simple at the same time.

We can directly experience the light, the dark both within and outside of ourselves. We can comfort the darkest parts of ourselves and feel compassion for the darkest elements of the Universe. We can realize that the dark and light are just constructs and that the darkest thing can also be light. We can work directly with the light and feel a flow state that goes way beyond anything that we could even imagine or self-create for ourselves.

The light is wonderful. But it is beyond our constructs, our own needs for the Universe, our own needs for individual guides or Gods. It just is.

Engaging the Primal Self

In our pursuit to become intellectualized, “higher” animals, we have lost our inherent primal nature. While we all appreciate the modern appliances and way of life that allows for computers, air conditioning, and educational pursuits, we have in our pursuit of such things demonized, ignored, and cast away a vital aspect of ourselves.

Our primal selves. The animalistic force that is within all of us. The energy that does not wish to think, to reason intellectually. The energy that wishes to act, to claw, scream, whimper, stomp its feet on the ground, have sex, make love, be in nature… the aspect of ourselves that may be murderous, basic, evil, hate, and is our primal, natural, animal instinct.

So why return to this? Why acknowledge this? Most of our spiritual pursuits are about finding and acknowledging our “higher” selves. We find angels and discover ourselves as divine. We may find joy. We go after that which is “light and love”. We begin defining anything that is not “light and love” as not spiritual.

But that is not all there is. That is not all spirituality is. When we ignore any aspect of ourselves, when any part of ourselves is subconscious it will act out its most subconscious desires in patterns that may confuse us. We may chastise ourselves for “awakening” while thinking poorly about someone who cut us off in traffic. We may pretend to be “love and light” and still gossip, judge, and hate those different than us. We may be spiritual and create animals and earthly “spiritual helpers” that are fuzzy, warm, and deprived of any animal instincts. We may begin to believe that “awakening” is about “ascension” and is completely separate from our physical lives, our sexual instinct, our primal needs and emotions.

When we separate from our primal selves that aspect of ourselves begs to be noticed. We gravitate towards the activities and patterns that will satiate it, but without understanding these patterns will simply repeat. In mundane terms, there is a reason why the states in the U.S. that wish to teach only abstinence education to children and teenagers, that are anti-gay marriage, and anti-abortion are also the states that have the highest rates of pornography usage. In mundane terms, there is a reason why as a country and as a world (for the most part, some countries excluded) we are so sexually deprived and fixated on young girls as beacons of sexuality because the idea of adult sexuality creates fear. In mundane terms, there is a reason why we are always at war, creating violence, and spewing hatred towards one another.

When we do not recognize and work with our primal selves this energy goes out into our lives as individuals… but it also goes out into the world as a whole.

Until we recognize our primal selves and learn how to work with even our most base instincts in this world we will not fully be conscious. Until we recognize that our spiritual natures are not all “love and light” but can include even the most murderous, scratching, clawing, sexual, primal instincts we are not awakened. As a culture, as a world, when we do not work with, understand, and love the aspects of ourselves that are animalistic, sexual, primal in nature we as a culture and a world unconsciously create scenarios to satiate our primal selves.

When we as individuals are able to recognize our primal selves we can begin to feel compassion for this thrown away, scolded, and judged piece of ourselves. When we are willing to come away from this idea that spirituality is all things– higher self, lower self, divine, animalistic, fierce, smooth, flowing, kind, compassionate, violent, angry, sexual, peaceful, loving, hating, energetic, emotional, mental, spiritual, physical– we can transcend the illusions that are so commonly perpetuated in the awakening community and truly awaken. And more than that, we can recognize, reconcile, and love a piece of ourselves that we have cast away… and in doing so we can become more embodied, more awakened, and more compassionate towards ourselves. We can fully become who we truly are.

Making peace with our most violent instinct, our most primal may seem like the least “spiritual” idea to many of you. If this is true, question why. Question why spirituality needs to be about a certain brand of illusory light… the same light, the same rules, the same illusions that are commonly taught to make people believe that spirituality is anything but physical, anything but right here and now, anything but emotional… anything but your every-day lives. There is an agenda to this illusion. There is a reason why this illusion has been perpetuated for centuries. It is because it keeps us from ever becoming whole, it keeps us from going from seeker to sought, and it keeps us from truly awakening. We are never truly satiated by these illusions because they are not what we need to truly awaken, to truly become whole. So we continue looking and buying the same illusion again and again, the same books and thoughts from different gurus/teachers again and again… but we never find what we are looking for… which is wholeness, reconciliation of all parts of ourselves, and our true divine nature… which is rooted in love for all aspects of ourselves.

Our primal selves are playful, joyful, devious, fun… they can teach us a lot. When we engage with them, when we make them conscious we no longer have the repression, the rules and restrictions that have been handed to us by ourselves, our families, by society, by others who consider themselves “spiritual”. When we can make peace with the inner violence, with the sexual currents within us, with the hatred, with the desire to scream and slash and run, when we are conscious of every bit of ourselves we no longer subconsciously (or consciously) lash out at the world… and we have taken responsibility for that small parcel of energy that has gone out into the world making our world such a violent, unconscious, unfeeling, and quite frankly, brutal, place to be.

My first book, the Spiritual Awakening Guide, is available on Amazon now. It goes over types of spiritual awakenings, the spiritual journey as a whole, and symptoms of spiritual awakening in a pragmatic, non-dogmatic way. You can get it here or here (kindle version). You can contact me for inquiries about sessions and the work that I do.

The Positive Aspects of Spiritual Awakening

Many of my blogs, I realize, are utilized to deconstruct popular myths or illusions about spiritual, psychic and shamanic practices as well as the true, complex, and multifaceted process that is spiritual awakening. I do find this necessary work, and am passionate about it, and hope that it helps many of you to critically think in your own way about the world you live in and your own awakening process.

But in dispelling illusion and being critical I do recognize that there is seemingly a focus in my blogs on the difficult, or perhaps even negative aspects of awakening. In dispelling the illusions that are so pervasive in this world, especially in many spiritual organizations, communities, and teachers/gurus… the exact place you would think we may be looking for truth… the positive, profound, and even blissful aspects of awakening tend to get lost.

Awakening is blissful. It is beautiful. Its purpose is for you to know exactly who you are, why you are here, and what you as an individual can bring to this world uniquely and individually. It is also about merging with source, God, light. As we realize our own divinity we are able to feel, see, and sense divine flow as a whole.

We realize that we are a drop in the ocean and the ocean in a drop.

This means that we realize that we are divine, we are light, we are much more than what our physical bodies are, what even our family is, or society, or even the world is. We realize the entirety of the flow that permeates every reality (divine flow), we can hear, taste, and sense this flow. We merge with this flow, with oneness.

I have written critically about oneness before, and how it is different than what is perpetuated in modern spiritual thought. And it is. The total dissolution of individual identity is momentary. It is important. But we are not intended to walk around as undifferentiated blobs of oneness, thinking that we are the same as every person around us in abilities, characteristics, and other attributes.

This dissolution into oneness allows for us to get over ourselves, basically. To lose the fear of physical death. To let go of identification with a temporary, physical body. We do not realize how much fear we have wrapped up around the fear of dying and death until we transcend it. It is enormously freeing, and allows for us to act and be in this world in a much different way than we once did.

Oneness also allows for us to feel connected to others around us, but more importantly, to God/source. It is wonderful if we feel connected to people, it really is. But the entire spiritual awakening process is about realizing how we are a part of source, and we have actually never left source.

We have a huge wound in ourselves because we believe the illusion that we are separate from source. We look for ways to fill this void. On the surface physical levels this may be drugs, sex, shopping, tv, technology, etc. When we awaken it is through taking workshops, reading books, and entering seeker mode– perpetually looking for something that we often cannot define and can never find.

We do will not understand how much energy we have put into seeking until we find, and directly experience, what we are looking for. The realization that we are with source… that despite our outer wrappings that we have never left… allows for us to transcend seeker mode and become sought. Seeking is exhausting, when we become sought we have a lot more energy. We may not need to sleep as much, and the fatigue that is so pervasive in the spiritual awakening process begins to lift.

Being awakened really is bliss. It is being held. It is being loved. One of the biggest spiritually based issues in this world is that we are looking for bliss and love and safety in the wrong places. We continually cast our nets out looking for anything to help us become less isolated, less afraid, more loved, and more safe. We create illusions upon illusions to try to convince ourselves that we are safe, we are in control, we are not alone. Awakening allows for us to see that human love, human safety, the very human act of coming together and being in our external, physical, daily lives will never provide us the type of love that we truly crave. Humans are all flawed (even those who are awakened or pretending to be) and are not capable, in their human physical wrappings, to provide the depth of love, bliss, and sensation of being held that we really require to feel whole.

Awakening allows for us to be held by source, by the spiritual mother. When we reach this point we realize that humans are flawed (again, all of us, otherwise we wouldn’t be here), and that our hunger, our yearning, our perpetual seeking for someone/anything to hold us and tell us we are okay is a call out to source.

The interesting thing about reaching this place is that we are scared of this type of love. We may reject it. We may not feel worthy of it. But even if we are able to radiate a single drop of love towards a spiritual mother or source it radiates back exponentially to us, letting go of our fear, our anger, and allowing us to finally fill up with what we have been seeking for so long.

One of the more useful but “mundane” (well, at least compared to feeling infinite love of source energy) aspects of awakening is to be able to see illusion and falsehood. This can be a bit isolating, but I have found it is quite helpful. When this happens you can see what books are worth your time, what workshops, what pursuits, and generally what in your life has meaning. This also oddly has the aspect of making you really compassionate and even loving towards the people around you. Most people are really struggling. They have so much chaos and confusion and trauma and illusion around them that they are like someone at the edge of a cliff hanging on with their fingernails.

This means that you can have compassion for them. They know not what they do, as the saying goes. This also means, generally, that you can see or sense other awakened souls, especially if they are around. This at the later stages is simply a recognition, but in early stages in severe awakenings (such as Kundalini awakenings) you may not be able to be in the same room as someone else if you both are in an active K cycle.

The opening of spiritual doors occurs. This again, can be difficult in some ways. Most of the world sees, thinks, and operates the same as one another. Thinking deeply, questioning, realizing beyond the norm is not generally thought of as a positive attribute in this world. But it is. Most people walk around sleepwalking, simply reciting what they have been taught by others as their truth. They don’t question it, they aren’t able to see beyond it. They see the world as it has been given to them, and they do so without questioning. Even if they are, or claim to be “awakening” they are simply reciting the words of others and are repeating ad naseum the same recycled new-age memes and the same information in books, lectures, and ideas. Being able to move beyond this type of illusion, this type of belief that what you have been given by others is your own without questioning allows for you to become fully individualized, fully unique in a world where most people simply copy one another and live fairly unremarkable lives. It gives you the opportunity to fully realize who you are and what you independently think, free from the constraints that have been given to you. This allows for you to create in this world in a unique way, in a way that no one else but you can do.

The ability to feel peace. Many of us, again, go about our lives in a state of quiet desperation. We are worried about the present, the past, the future. Some of this may be entirely appropriate worry, by the way. But awakening brings the ability to finally settle into our bodies, to be okay with being quiet and being still, to know that who we are and what we are doing is exactly what we should be doing. Gone (well, for the most part) are the lectures internally about how we should be doing something else when all we want to do is eat a piece of chocolate cake. We eat the chocolate cake when it is time for chocolate cake and fully enjoy it.

Full embodiment. This cannot be stressed enough. One of the most pervasive myths in the awakening community is that anything spiritual is somehow separate from our daily lives and our physical bodies. There are in fact whole cultures that would do horrible things to their bodies to prove that the physical form was a temporary vehicle– starvation, creation of pain, sitting on funeral pyres. And while I do not question that some of these were necessary for the people who believed they needed them, the physical form is important, and past a certain point in the awakening process we begin to realize that we can be fully embodied, fully sensate people who enjoy our physical presence on this earth. Most of us are disassociated, disembodied, and truly hate our bodies and our lives (this may be subconscious). Awakening allows for us to process that self-hatred, and we come more into our physical bodies. We are able to taste, sense, feel and utilize all of our senses in a way that we never had before. We no longer want or need to “go anywhere” because our lives are what they are, and we realize that death is simply a release of the physical form,. and that in life our physical forms should be cherished because they bring us opportunities and understandings.

Spiritual realization. Do you know what a chakra feels like? Do you know what it is like to travel in other dimensions, to realize that time is not linear, or to simply understand that the world is not just made up of supposedly concrete, physical matter? That we inwardly have a constellation? Through the awakening process we come out of intellectualization and into direct experience. We no longer need to study the chakras and their colors (or whatever) because we can feel our chakras… and we may feel twenty-five of them and be able to interact with them through direct experience. We realize that much of the material out there is for beginners. There is nothing wrong with this, all of us were beginners (and still are in many respects no matter how far we have come). But through direct spiritual revelation we can discover our individual path.

We can enter a state of grace. This is typically a later stage, but building up to the oneness experience we believe (and want to believe) that we are powerful, we are strong, we are Gods. While this may all be true (and it is) if we are able to recognize how small we are, we become humble. This allows for us to enter a state of grace, where we know with certainty that we are being held by something much greater than ourselves, but also answers that question of existential despair: “am I going to be okay” once and for all. With humility we can realize that we are a single drop in the entirety of divine flow.

We can be fully who we are without excuses. I used to hide my “darkness”. It was not considered “appropriate” and frequently got me chastised or even chased out of spiritual circles in my early days. My questioning of things, my ability to see differently (and generally more deeply than others), my thinking differently, and the direct spiritual experiences I have had caused me to be ostracized. As I have mentioned, people really love their illusions, and anything that goes against or questions their personal cosmology creates enough fear that they will lash out to protect themselves. This still happens. I just don’t care anymore. I am doing what I am here to do, and saying what I need to say because it is different than what others think. I share this not to shift focus onto myself, but to say that whatever you are struggling with that you think that people won’t accept, that deep dark, primal place that you are hiding in fear of, scared that others will not find out… this is likely your strength… your power. People do not want you to have power because they do not have their own. They fear anything different. Once you are able to reconcile those parts of you that are afraid, that care what people think, that care about people discovering those deep dark aspects of yourself, once you realize those deep dark aspects of yourself are fine, and even beautiful… you can be fully who you are.

You love all aspects of yourself. This is a difficult one to understand, because in most spiritual communities the focus is on the “light” and anything else is “bad”, but we are intended to have emotions, physical experiences, and be in touch with even the most primal aspects of ourselves. Once we get out of the heap of trauma and chaos we are all under we realize that emotions are just currents of energy, and the emotion of grief can be as beautiful as the emotion of joy. We can fully realize our physical, sexual selves. We can come to love our primal, animalistic selves. We can fully integrate all of these selves and just be one whole person, with no parts of ourselves villified. 

This is certainly not a comprehensive list, but I wanted to introduce this topic because most of you who come to me are in a state of panic. In a state of fear. In a state of recognizing the illusions of the world, the illusions of the spiritual communities. In a state of recognizing that most of the books and gurus and teachers and workshops out there are just meant to perpetuate a state of illusion rather than break you from it. It is hard when you are going through the true struggles of awakening to not feel cursed, like the universe is out to get you, to blame yourself and God/source, to look out at the world of fake gurus and see them espousing spiritual awakening as a state of simple bliss without having any sort of direct experience of it. The more that we move through our awakening the more that the blissful, the wonderful, and the truth about spiritual awakening come through. It just may not be like the brochures said it would be.

If you would like to contact me, you are welcome to.