I have written a bit about boundaries before, like in part one here.
Boundaries are an essential thing to have for all of us, no matter who we are. There are many sensitives and psychics who are essentially boundary-less which causes them to take on a bunch of stuff that isn’t theirs.
But no matter how strong our boundaries are, we are always going to have people that test them. It is not like they realize they are doing this, for the most part. It simply is that they want what they want when they want it… and you having boundaries gets in the way of that.
This can be socially, such as in friendships, or in relationships, or with clients or family. Really any relationship we have we are intended to have equal energetic exchange. This is even true for parents and children, or teachers and students.
As people we are generally really self-involved and unable to see past ourselves. We believe that what we want takes precedence over anyone and anything. We are the protagonists of our story, and anyone who gets in the way of that illusion or makes us believe otherwise will feel our wrath.
As an Acupuncturist, or as a Spiritual Worker I have at least a few people who contact me with the same constellation of things going on: they have an emergency situation (that they have likely had for weeks, years, or even decades), they have no money to pay me, and that I should drop everything I am doing and help them. right. now.
I have a lot of compassion for people. I really do. I realize that people are really struggling. I realize that most people are really struggling and cannot see beyond their own immediate needs and wants in this world. And these people do not realize that what they are asking of me is inappropriate. They really believe they have an emergency situation, even if their situation has been the same for months or years. They really believe that I should drop everything to help them that day, and they really think that I should help them without being compensated in any way.
Most of the time we will not realize we are doing this. Although the example above is clear, and common (any well known artist, spiritual worker, healer, etc will get these people– likely multiple times a week. I know a famous astrologer who gets literally between 50-100 emails a week asking for free stuff because of “emergency”- and I am not entirely sure what constitutes and astrological “emergency”. I am not quite up to that number, but close) many situations of boundary breaking are not that clear, or that imbalanced. We are simply used to taking advantage, of destroying or testing the boundaries of the people around us in order to facilitate our illusions and immediate illusory needs.
We react emotionally to things. And if we throw a big enough fit it is likely someone will break their boundaries just to get rid of us. If we ask for something ridiculous from someone we might just get it because the other person may not have any boundaries. If we are more moderate, we may not realize that we can move beyond our illusions of self-importance to realize that there are other people out there who might not think we are, or our situation is, as important as we do.
All relationships should be an equal energetic exchange. If they are not, we can do a few things to erect proper boundaries:
- Check our cording and the energetic exchange between us and the other person (you can get my cording class on Kindle through Amazon here or in my classes section here)
- Check your emotional reaction to the person. A person who tests your boundaries is not doing so on a logical or intellectual level. They are testing you through the use of emotional energy.
- Do not react emotionally to the person. Wait to react until you have a clear head, simply leave the space you are occupying with them, and let go of any emotional reactions that may have come up due to testing of your boundaries
- Realize that the person who is testing your boundaries wants control. They want what they want. They are doing this through emotional energies but also through an attempt to control you… so they can get what they want, and they don’t particularly care what the consequences for you are, your personal willingness… they are unable to see outside of their immediate needs to see what is correct behavior, logical behavior, and what an equal exchange of energies means.
- Let go of the emotional reaction to someone attempting to control you. After recognizing the emotions that them controlling you brings up simply let go. Let go of your reactions, let go of trying to control them back. They can try to control you, emotionally overwhelm you, energetically corral you all you want. You have let go of your reactions and you have realized what they are doing (or attempting to do).
- Realize that the only person you have control over is yourself
- Accept the fact that this is the way that this person acts, and likely acts to everyone they are around. Further let go of any want to control, further let go of any emotions coming up.
- Now fully release this person by letting them know (energetically, not verbally) that how they are acting is how they feel they need to act, and that you have no desire to control them or change them in any way. It is not up to you to change them or to get them to act appropriately.
Doing this simple sequence will allow for you to release any energies and emotions that have built up due to someone attempting to break your boundaries. If needed, you can go back and look at the cord between you again to ensure that it feels and seems equal in terms of energies. I am not a fan of shielding or protecting myself from someone– I find that if you simply release them, reconcile your emotions, realize that you do not have control over any behavior other than your own, and then accept the fact that this is the way someone feels like they need to act in this world that your boundaries will be set, and fairly clear.
It is important to follow this up with actual action, however. You can set all of the energetic boundaries and clear all the emotions you want, if you are still jumping at the chance to paint someones’ house (or whatever) without being appropriately compensated (energetically or physically, or by a simple thank you or appreciation) you will find yourself having more emotional reactions and feeling the need to control someone and their inappropriate behavior.
So, basically, if you follow up your energy with actual actions you will have firm boundaries and generally be a lot happier in your life. People will still try to break them, by the way… that is just what people do to get what they need, or think they need, in this world. It is a rare person that is willing to consider if their behavior is appropriate and if they are asking too much of those around them or are attempting to control someone around them. It is a rare person who is willing to look outside of themselves and realize that we all are protagonists of our own stories, and that whoever we are, our needs and desires do not come first, and do not come at the expense of anyone around us. But if you are able to consider those needs, and question your boundaries and if you are having equal energetic exchange in your relationships, I firmly commend you and appreciate you being a part of this world.