My life is quite busy these days, and I am very grateful for that. For all of you who have read my books, or my blog, or have participated in programs, sessions, and readings with me, I thank you.
For most of my life it has been pointed out that I am “unique”, that my ability to see through people was unnerving or unwelcome (even in groups that were supposedly filled with hypothetical “others” like shamanic and occult groups), and that my voice was not welcome in classes and groups. I have not fit in at school, in groups, or in what has been expected of a “normal” person in life. For much of my life I hid that I was different (or tried to), and was quite angry about how surface-level, inauthentic, and quite frankly bullshit-filled many spiritual paths, books, gurus, and teachers were. I was angry at my path, at being forced to do something and be someone that I felt I had no choice in.
My ability to not only reconcile the trauma and fear that was a huge part of my life for many years, but to have it be a reason why I am thriving now, is something that makes me indescribably joyful. I am now happy to work with the energies that surround me, and would not change who I am or what I sense in this world, even if/when it does create strong emotions or intense realizations (or just, you know, weirdness).
However, I have realized over the course of the past year that my life has been incredibly out of balance. Basically, I work too much. I found myself more and more immersed in accomplishing work for others, and doing little to no spiritual work for myself.
For anyone who is on a deeply spiritual path, such as myself (and many of you out there) not having the time or ability to grow and expand and change at the rate that is intended for you can be downright painful.
But beyond that, I have not had time for painting, cooking, or movies, or hanging out with family and friends– all of the things that make up who I am beyond “spiritual” Mary. It is easy in this line of work to be too intense, too focused, and not break that up with peace, laughter, and light. If I have learned anything on my path, it is that a “both hands” approach (light and dark, and everything in between, basically) is what creates balance, it is what creates a truly awakened state… and it is what provides clarity, grounding, and realism, even if the face of odd and extraordinary things happening in your life.
I put out a note saying that I was going to do readings for another few months, and unfortunately I am unable to do this.
My life and my practice needs to become a bit quieter, and more focused. I have not written (beyond blogs) for the last six months, and am going to focus on new courses, a new book, the courses I already offer, as well as my individual spiritual healing sessions.
I apologize for any inconvenience this causes. If you would like to read further thoughts about readings, and some philosophizing about them, you can continue below…
I will say a few things about readings that may surprise you (or may not, if you do them professionally):
There are a lot of people who are attracted to spiritual readings who are severely mentally unwell. I am not talking about the forty percent of the population (supposedly) who are struggling with things like depression, anxiety, or even other imbalances. I work with people all the time who have been diagnosed with this or that, and as long as they have the capability to move beyond where they are now, and have the reasonable balance required to take a few steps forward in their lives, and the clarity to look at their situation and participate in the process, I will work with whomever I can be of service to.
But when you do not have a filter (this is a large reason why I have people write a paragraph to me about why they would like an appointment, and do not accept everyone who comes my way) you get a lot of people who are severely disassociated, traumatized, filled with anger and rage and brokenness that come your way as a spiritual reader.
I wish that I could be of service to everyone, but I cannot. And it is hard, because I am a compassionate person. Every time someone emails me saying that they are suicidal, or believing that some big demonic force is after them, or wanting to believe that they are a shaman, psychic, empath, starseed, ET or reincarnated (insert word here) because being themselves is too painful, I feel for them.
But I know after doing spiritual work professionally now full-time for over a decade that I cannot help everyone, or alleviate the suffering or clear the delusions of everyone.
I was talking with a friend the other night about the difference between people who have been doing any form of health care for a short period of time and those who have been doing it for a long time. I joked how you could spot a new practitioner (especially a spiritual one, but really anyone) is that they will say things like that they can “help everyone”, or they will believe that spiritual work can fix anything, or that everyone in mental hospitals is a “secret shaman”. Someone who has been in this line of work for more than a few years will know that some people are in an incredible amount of pain, and suffering with delusions that do not resemble any form of collective reality. And that some of these people will want to believe that something “spiritual” is going on than to receive help from therapists, psychiatrists, or even hospitalization.
And before I get too far into this, I will really say that my personal belief, after interacting with a lot of people over a long period of time, is that really only 1-3 percent of the population is like this… and this is why I will never say that medication, or therapy, or anything like that is “bad”– because I have witnessed multiple people in dire need of those services, and whose lives would drastically improve (and really do) if they find the correct kind of assistance for them.
While I have a lot of compassion for people who are experiencing suffering of any kind, I really just am not the correct person for someone who is suicidal, delusional, or so far removed from health that they really need someone in person to watch over them. Dealing with this population is wearing on a spiritual level for me, as there is not much I can do, and a lot of people who are severely traumatized out there or who are creating their own form of reality completely divorced from the physical world.
On a less severe level, I would say that I am simply one person, and I cannot work 24 hours a day. Quite simply, something has to give.
And the reason it is readings is because I have lost my passion for them.
People don’t really recognize just how much work and energy go into doing a spiritual reading. This is not to complain, by the way, but just simply to describe. Not only do you have to read what the person has written, but you then have to form an energetic connection to the person, sit with their energy (“read” it), and then connect with your spiritual guides and flows that provide information.
You then have to disconnect (or look back in if something is confusing, and then disconnect). You then have to figure out how to write things to someone so they can assimilate it at the level they are at. This is an art form in and of itself, as people are comfortable looking beyond some illusions but not others, and figuring that out can be tricky. While I am honest with people in all of my dealings, there is an art to honesty. You also want to deal with people compassionately, as people do hold on to their illusions quite tightly (even if they are asking about them), and if someone has their illusions dashed too much, or too quickly, they will either get upset at you… or they will write something back to “prove” themselves in some fashion to me… or they may even get angry or passive aggressive in their response.
People on the spiritual path also tend to get really wrapped up in how “unique” or “advanced” their situation or experiences are. We feel our own path intensely, but it is a rare person indeed who is willing and able to see that the intensity and drama surrounding their situation is self-created. We create our own chaos, and when we only have our own experiences to go on, and are still in a phase of being unable to see outside of the Self, we are unable to realize that our situation may not be as intense/advanced/unique/terrible/etc. as we believe it to be.
The amount of people who are beginners on their path who feel as if they have realized some huge “truth” on their path is at times odd, and sometimes frightening to me. Whoever we are, we have much further to go. Whoever we are, others have experienced what we have. Our egos try to separate us from this fact by either telling us how horrible/traumatic/chaotic/intense things are… or how unique/special/starseed/empath/psychic/shaman we are, and again, it is a rare person who has the capability to look up from their own experiences, look around, and to see that by and large most people (in varying ways) are in the same boat they are, and that if we start to work through our illusions, there is much less intensity and drama to our path.
Obviously, I have worked with a lot of sincere, wonderful people, and at this point I will say that anyone who has the capacity and willingness to look within and to really question the illusions that they carry is like a rare gem, and that I am astounded and delighted when I meet, work, or otherwise interact with them. Anyone willing to work with their own baggage, and to move beyond their own illusions, is not only lightening their own load, but that of their family, and really the world.
Simply put, readings take a lot of time, energy, and commitment, and I have lost my joy for them. I thank all of you who have purchased readings from me in the past, but it is time for me to look ahead, and to evolve into who I am intended to be. I do hope you will stay with me, as I hope to continue to bring “truth”, authenticity, and a sense of pragmatism to a realm that is so often filled with illusion and cloudiness/lack of grounding. I will continue to offer my courses (you can sign up for my mailing list to hear announcements of new courses in 2017), books (Managing Psychic Abilities will be out next month if all goes according to the plans of my publisher), and individual sessions. I do realize that there has been a bit of a wait for Spiritual Healing appointments, but will be available for more sessions starting the last week of November. Thank you for your patience when scheduling.