Monthly Archives: December 2016

Changing Our Reaction to Others Part Two

Read Part One Here…

So what is a play? It is our individual reality, constricted by our wounds. Our wounds are from a specific time and place (well, we won’t get too existential here, so I will say that is totally correct). They can also be from sources passed down to us (ancestral, past life, and so forth).

We act out these wounds again and again until they are healed. Until they are changed.

Nature doesn’t like loose ends. The cosmos (as it were) doesn’t like for things to be unresolved. Most of us are a mess of unfinished wounds that never got the healing, the compassion, the hearing of (or the witnessing of), and the closure that they needed to dissipate.

This is a result of trauma.

When I began to realize how I was casting my play, I began to wake up to why certain people were in my life. Why I attracted certain types of people to me, and why I couldn’t seem to move past certain perceived barriers in my life.

Although healing this is complicated in some ways, in other ways it is incredibly simple. When you realize how and why you have cast someone in your play, you act differently.

You reflect on what wound you are recreating (people will often say they do not know, but pretty much most people have childhood wounding patterns, and so you can just start there) and what your part and the part of the other person is. You notice how you react, how they act. And then gradually you recognize a pattern, a particular “play” enough, that you let it go.


You may be wondering why I still have internet trolls if I have let go of this much. What happens if you release all of the baggage I listed above (and, you know, acknowledge it when you don’t and put it on your to work on list for meditation) it is not that the world is any more kind or loving to you. You will still have people cut you off in traffic, or try to be unkind or manipulative to you, and all of the sort of things that people do who are in pain and don’t know what to do about it.

But you begin to notice their play (step four). I began noticing their projections. In the case of the internet troll (of this varietal, at least) he began appearing to me not only as a perpetual teenager who hasn’t moved through the rites of adulthood, but as a screaming toddler who didn’t receive the proper nurturing from his mother.

I realize that this may sound like projection to some of you, but when you really start to notice patterns, it doesn’t remain about the person any more. You recognize that a lot of people act and think similarly because they are wounded in similar ways.

And you begin to feel compassion for them. Because people are fighting against so much. They really cannot help but be who they are… and they are the sum of their parts, and the parts that were given to them. They are simply acting them out again and again. Maybe at some point they will wake up, and realize the pain and illusions that they are creating for themselves. Or maybe they won’t.

Most people are battling themselves, creating plays and illusions to perpetuate their wounds again and again. It is their decision to stop doing so, and to look at the chaos of their lives and begin to heal and take responsibility for it.


By this point I no longer talked about “people” as if I were separate from them, by the way. What happens in realizing “oneness” is not that you have reached this perfected “guru” state where you start to talk in riddles and never experience any pain or difficulty in your life again. You realize that you are a person, someone who is continually working on their patterns and flaws. The only difference is the conscious realization and decision to work on what arises within you… and the ensuing freedom and peace that is created by doing so. 

Basically, at this state I realized I was a person. Someone who had to continually work on herself. Someone who was willing to do so. I also realized at this point that there literally was nobody talking like I wanted to about subjects like this (or it was fairly rare) because when you reach any sort of spiritual realization, it is a tendency for the ego to tell you to speak as if you are some sort of exalted being that knows everything. And this is the opposite of what happens. On the path of spiritual awakening you begin to realize how small you are, how little you know. How human you are. And how it really is a choice to take personal responsibility for yourself and to work through your own wounds, even if those wounds contain beliefs and things that we know to be true that we are totally sure are true. Because chances are, they are false.

At this point (this was about 3-4 years ago) I began to feel really tired. I saw all of the plays, all of the illusion (and delusion), and believed our entire reality to be false, and it upset me that it was false. I was angry again… not at individual people or even the world. I couldn’t place this anger for a long time, but it lingered, and was from a part of me that felt incredibly tired at witnessing these plays and all of this illusion happening. I saw the same things happening on repeat.

I began to be tired of my own patterns and wounds. When you have worked for so long on yourself it can at times feel like drudgery, and the idea of going to another healing session, or doing more meditation, or questioning your beliefs and reactions again and again became tiring. What happens when you “awaken”, or begin that path, is that you begin to see your own patterns very clearly. But at a certain stage acknowledging things doesn’t mean healing. It can take years for a pattern to break apart, even with consciously working on it.

As with all things, I turned within and found that this fatigued part of myself was incredibly tired of being human. This is an incredibly different sensation than being suicidal or depressed, but a sensation of weariness on a spiritual level that so many people were in pain, and projected so much, and created such chaos for themselves.

I sat with this for about a year, not getting much of anywhere. At this point I had been meditating for about 17 years, and so I didn’t force that fatigue to do anything. I had visions of myself falling through the Void(s), of being in virtual nothingness, and of having visions of the chaos and patterns that surrounded people as grids, as a sort of inexplicable geometry. I was upset at how the whole universe was a lie.


I also felt incredibly peaceful. Whenever I noticed a projection, or mirroring, or myself in a play (or others trying to cast me in a play) I simply acknowledged it and worked through it. I do love Ho’oponopono for this, at least for a start: I am sorry, Please forgive me, I thank you, I love you are said when envisioning the person who harmed or creating emotional reaction in you. These words are spoken to creator, to the person, to whomever you feel as if should hear them. There is then a softening of your reaction to the person as you repeat these phrases to them (this may take a long time for some people, as in years. But it is worth it).

Step Four

I began really fully realizing that what remained in me in my reaction to others was a desire to control them. Although I had realized this before, I didn’t have the clarity necessary before (I was clouded by emotion and my “play”) to really understand it. I wanted people to act the way I thought of as appropriate, or correct.

I started asking myself a question of Am I trying to control this person (would I like for them to act differently?) 

The answer is almost always a resounding “yes”. Yes, I would like for internet trolls to realize that I don’t care what they have to say, and to realize that I don’t want their emails. Yes, I would like for those trolls to realize that if I wanted someone to “teach” me, I would find someone to do so. Yes, I would like for the trolls to awaken from their narcissism just a tiny bit to ask themselves if they are coming off like a complete asshole and if their “expertise” actually warrants a random email to someone such as myself. Yes, I would like for those trolls to see the “hey I can’t respond to emails except about my classes” and actually realize that yes, that message is meant for them too.

By the way, I have that on my contact form (I can’t reply to messages or give free advice) not to be mean, but when you have written a book or have a blog about a spiritual subject and/or are a spiritual healer, you get a ton of emails. And there is nothing that makes someone like me want to go live in a cave somewhere or disappear (or consider the “help wanted” sign at the local Target) than having five hundred emails in my Inbox from people, many of which were vaguely or considerably inappropriate, psychotic, or from people who just want you to spend several hours for free giving them free advice and healing because free.

After I let this desire to control go I still had the fatigue, the weariness. Although I would say that this about 70 percent gone (some days more gone than others), the fatigue isn’t much in reaction to people any more. It is the fatigue of someone who has seen too much, perhaps… and is still somewhat admittedly in reaction to the illusions of the world, the chaos that people create for themselves, and sometimes the amount of delusion that specifically is in the “spiritual” space.

I still occasionally react to people. It is somewhat rare. But when I do I realize (and yes, I do realize that this is incredibly trite) that they are my teacher. They are showing me something that I need to heal. And I go through the whole list: mirroring, projection, what play I may be casting them in, if I am wanting the person to act differently/to control them.

And when the next internet troll contacts me, I will do what I always do now. Have compassion for the wounds that they are showing me, and what they are trying to project onto me (what role they are trying to cast me in). And hit “delete”.


Summary: Steps to this Process

  • Step One: Look at your mirroring.
    • What part of you is represented in this person? What age?
    • What emotion is this person exhibiting? What wounds does this person show you that you may relate to (and may need to acknowledge?)
  • Step Two: Projection
    • What emotion are you feeling? Is this person creating much more emotion than is warranted for the situation? Are you two, or five, or fifty times the reaction that you should be? (For more clarity, who or what are you actually angry/sad/fearful of? Chances are that it may be the person you are reacting to– a little bit– but mostly you are projecting a whole lot of emotion and belief onto the person)
  • Step Three: Casting your Play
    • Who is this person in your play? Do they remind you of anyone (mother, father, sibling, friend from grade school)?
    • A good hint to this is to notice what types of people are “magnetized” to you. They are coming into your life for a reason
    • If it is not from this lifetime (or you are acting out family issues) you will notice the same type of person come into your life, or be attracted to you, without you being able to place it. You likely will need a healer to help you with this.
  • Step Four: Noticing their Play
    • What role are they trying to cast you in?
    • How are they relating to you? Are they treating you like a mother who they express anger towards? A nameless someone who is out to get them?
    • What age are they relating at? You can begin to notice their wounds, and this will help to develop compassion. Nobody wants to be a two year old and have to navigate the world that way when they are forty. It must be difficult to navigate the world with such wounds and beliefs constricting them.
    • Say “no” to their play. This goes the same for your play, but if you want to heal yourself from a whole lot of stuff act differently. Don’t play to your role (the one you have given yourself or the one that others have given you). Refuse to do so. Notice what is repeating in your interactions and act differently
  • Step Five: Letting go of Control
    • Chances are that you are seeking control of the person. Basically, you are wanting them to act differently or in a way that you deem appropriate. Consciously choose to let go of control. Say “I am letting go of control of you” internally when you notice this pattern arise. Repeat as much as you need to.
    • The part of this that always is sticky is that chances are very good that you are right. Do not let that get in the way. The person may be acting atrociously, they may be violent or aggressive or filled with hate. They may be doing things that not only you but society deems inappropriate or incorrect. Let go of wanting them to act or be any different. 

It is hard– the last one (the letting go of control). But as you achieve distance, and work on your own “stuff” you will realize that people are people. They cannot be expected to act any more than the sums of their wounds. It would be lovely, of course, if they would awaken and heal those wounds… but having compassion for someone without wanting to change them is a powerful act. We always have a choice to change, to heal, to awaken. But it is our individual choice, and it will be in our own timing. Letting people be who they are, without desire to change them, can allow for a lot of release and healing. All of this work can, and I do hope that those of you who stuck through this whole blog gathered something useful from it.

Changing Our Reactions to Others

I have been thinking a fair amount this week how my reaction to people has drastically changed through my awakening process. This came up because this past week I had a fair amount of “internet troll” type emails that came my way. Way more than usual.

This is obviously because it was the holidays, and people who don’t have the tools to handle their emotions and acknowledge the pain and wounds that might come up for themselves during the holidays do things like send obnoxious emails.

I was perhaps going to write a blog about the dynamics of internet trolls, but they are reasonably simple (and I was guided to instead utilize them as a framing device about how I react to people differently than I once might have or did). Trolls don’t have the adult tools to acknowledge and work with their pain, so they energetically try to push it out and on anyone who will accept it. There will often be “takers” (people who get upset at them, which they want) which allows for the “troll” to not only push out their pain but also temporarily feed off of the energy and emotion created by the emotional field of the person that got upset at them.

There is also a huge problem in our modern world that many of us have not gone through the initiations that allow us to spiritually (which would then mean emotionally and energetically) become adults. When this happens, the person exists in a prolonged sort of adolescence. Internet trolls can be so infuriating because they are the perpetual teenager, narcissistic and pretending to know everything, and being obnoxious while doing so.

One of my varietals of internet trolls is always male, and is someone who emails me with “corrections” and “helpful suggestions”. This is always someone who has no idea what they are talking about, or has a kindergarten-esque understanding of spiritual matters that they believe to be expertise. Often they are incredibly (almost laughably) wrong in their assertions (which wouldn’t be a big deal if they were to move on and learn more, as we all were kindergarteners at some point, but the problem here, of course, is the willingness to realize that they are not actually experts after their two weeks of internet searches about something). There also is frequently an undercurrent of misogyny (or “mansplaining”) present (as in, this person has not done any sort of self-inquiry or questioning of if they would send such emails to a male spiritual teacher/author. The answer is “no”, by the way).

I do, by the way, get contacted by people who think critically and wonderfully, and can engage in discussion. This is not the type of person I am referring to. For clarity here, I will also say that one of the things that happens when your consciousness begins to expand is that you realize how much you don’t know. You also realize that even if some people are in spiritual kindergarten, and you are in spiritual college, that there are people getting their third PhD; you will invariably meet these people if you get too uppity and they will help to cram you back down to size in some way.


So I will use this “troll” as an example of how my reactions have changed over the years, as this type of troll is someone that successfully infuriates a lot of people. By the way, this shows a progression of about 15 years time span, so don’t expect mastery tomorrow (or to never have anyone trigger or upset you ever again. It doesn’t happen… even when you get to the “people are people, and do what people do” sort of stage)

My personal thoughts and stages are really only for example– they are not necessarily a roadmap to follow. But hopefully they will provide some good food for thought, as the people who upset us the most can allow for us to recognize what we need to heal within.

Step One: I used to get infuriated at people like this. I would engage them and delight in telling them how wrong they were, how little they knew. I would think about little they knew, how egotistical they were, how narcissistic, and that the world is going to ruin because of intellectually lazy people who read a Wikipedia page and then want to lecture someone who has seriously studied what they are talking about for five to ten years (at this point, and based on topic).

Step One Realizations:  Obviously this is how a lot of people react. This is how I used to react. Obviously I am talking about interactions over the internet in my example, but this did of course happen in person as well. That person who cut me off in traffic, the television reports on people murdering puppies (or whatever atrocities were being shown), a book or article being rejected. I was clouded by emotion (not just anger, such interactions would create sadness/grief, as well as fatigue, which I will refer to later) and emotionally reacting to people, which I would then replay throughout the day, continuing the emotions that I experienced in reaction to the person who seemingly caused that reaction.

In step one, you can do mirroring work. This is the first step for anyone (it is just not the only step, as some believe).

What this means is that anything that truly irritates you about another is something divorced or disassociated from you. It is something that is wounded, or that you do not wish to acknowledge within yourself.

So this can go one of a few different ways: you can acknowledge that the internet troll is irritating you because you have the same sort of energy as him in some way, shape or form. You can also check in with the emotion: do you have the same anger as the internet troll?

You can also notice if that person is mirroring a disassociated part of you. We all have trauma that causes us to “freeze” in our timeline… and to disassociate. Simply put, the “troll” may be showing you the fifteen year old aspect of yourself that was filled with anger and didn’t know how to process it appropriately. The teenage part of you that had low self-esteem and/or low self-worth and tried to make up for that by pretending to be an “expert”. Or, in some cases, that two year old aspect of you that really, really wanted that cookie and never got it.

Recognizing this aspect of you and how/why it has disassociated can allow for you to heal that part of you.

Step Two

The next step is to work with projections. This is part of mirror work, but most of us have a stockpile of backlogged emotions. They are bottled up within us, and we are not yet at a place of being able to understand or work with our anger, or our grief, or our fear. So when we come into contact with someone who makes us sad, it is not just the sadness of the incident– we are projecting onto the person and onto the situation all of our unhealed sad. That “troll” may now be someone else entirely.

The way to work with this is through “play” work… but at the projection level you can begin to ask yourself Am I much angrier (sadder, fear more, feel more anxiety) than I should in this situation? 

Because chances are that you are. That backlogged emotion is coming out and creating a situation where are much more upset at the person than they warrant. You may experience twice, or five times, or five hundred times the emotion (directed at the person mixed with beliefs and our “play”) that the situation warranted. Asking yourself this question can allow for you to cut yourself back down to size, so to speak… and to begin to recognize your projections.

During this stage I found that my anger, which I thought was directed at the person and their behavior, was primarily not about mirroring. This was because I worked with mirroring, and found myself still angry. I also have never really acted like many of these people do– I have been lucky in that I have always realized how much further I had to go in my journey, and how much more I had to know.

In this scenario, I realized that my anger came from the fact that I had to know so much, that I was pulled so deep. That I no longer was at the sort of surface, kindergarten-type knowledge and that I didn’t have a choice in the matter. That I had given up an incredible amount of time and effort to become an expert in my field, to really and truly know and feel and heal, and my anger was not actually about someone who had the equivalent of two weeks of knowledge trying to claim expertise, or even at the culture of laziness and sameness or the new-age movement that perpetuates this idea that everyone has equally valid ideas (although I still can go on my soapbox about that one at times). It was at the fact that I had given up so much of my life to learn what I needed to learn, and that I was angry at myself for having to do so.

I was projecting that onto these “trolls”. Once I was able to work my way through the anger and the grief over this, I found myself much less reactive.

While I am talking about a specific framework here (reaction to internet trolls), really being willing to sit with what emotions and experiences we may be projecting onto someone can be done in any scenario in which we find ourselves emotionally reacting to someone.

Step Three

We create our entire universe out of our projections. A lot of people believe that this is a narcissistic saying (or utilize it to fuel their own narcissism) but we have a universe that we all participate in… one that we collectively create. But we all have our own private reality. This reality is based off of the pains and wounds that you have experienced (or have been passed down to you). Our backlogged emotions, what has happened to us in our lifetimes, in our family line/ancestry, past lives, and what is going on in history/in the collective when we are born makes us who we are.

We project our “private” reality on top of the collective reality. So we really are “creating” our own universe, it is just on top of another “universe” that has been created collectively.

Our wounds create our beliefs, they create our restrictions. Although I will write a separate blog about this, this is why a spiritual path cannot be disembodied. Why it has to be grounded in collective reality and not individual delusion. It is because the spiritual path is one of freedom, and to free ourselves we need to acknowledge and work with our pain. The more we can release what holds us, what beliefs constrict us and hold us in fear, the more freedom we experience.

As we free ourselves from our wounds, and the beliefs those wounds created, we can be freer, and wholer. And more clear. And deeply feel and sense and be in this reality (along with whatever realities we wish to work with).

I say this because there are steps beyond mirroring. The next step beyond mirroring and projection work is to understand how and why you are casting this person in your play. 

So back to the internet troll. My reaction when I was working with my own mirrored parts, those disassociated aspects of me out in the universe, was to be angry. And a bit self-righteous. As I recognized and took back these parts I found over the months that I now felt sad, and not upset at people like this.

I was still reacting to them, but I was no longer responding to them, or giving them the energy that they were really looking for. I felt sad because people felt the need to be like this, I felt sad for humanity. I felt sad because I had worked through a lot of my projections over the course of a few years and I stumbled onto the truth that I was casting people like this in my “play”.

Read about what a “play” is, and Part Two here…

Clearing vs. Nourishing (aka the Two Basic Energetic Imbalances)

In Chinese Medicine, there are two basic energetic imbalances: empty and full. You may also call this deficient and stagnant, or other suitable words. In very simple terms, you either have too much of something… or you have something missing (not enough of something).

The same is true in spiritual healing, as well as many other modalities if you sort of break them down to their most basic considerations.

Considering Excess

There can be an excess of something, creating stagnation, blockage, and pain. These are areas of your body that you are likely to feel pain. In fact, if you do feel pain, it means that there is stagnation there. There is energy that needs to be dispersed, basically.

The easiest way to talk about this is physically, as if your hip hurts or your stomach hurts, there is an excess condition going on. Something needs to be moved, released, cleared…

But this also happens all the time mentally. Thinking the same thoughts over and over? Have the same beliefs come up? Do you say the same thing to yourself or others again and again? Those are the clearest examples of our stagnant (and excess) thoughts. As I discussed here, the things that we say to ourselves and others repeatedly are often actually not true. Otherwise we wouldn’t need to repeat them to ourselves (or others) so much. We would have accepted them, accepted them as an undeniable part of our constructed reality, and moved on. The fact that we are repeating them so much indicates that on some level we understand that the thoughts are problematic, or may not be as true as we wish them to be.

We also have a lot of excess/stagnant/stockpiled emotions. I always suggest to people that when they get angry, or sad, or (insert emotion here) to notice if they are reacting appropriately for the situation, or if they are getting five, ten, or eight hundred times more angry than the situation warrants. Because if you are, that signifies that you have that emotion stockpiled within you.

To put this simply, you should get upset if someone crashed into your car. Especially if they were on their cell phone, if they were tailgating you, or all of the stupid things that people tend to do while driving. Anger is an appropriate emotion to feel, as all emotions are. We are not meant to be numb, expressionless zombies (or happy or in bliss all the time, even if we are “spiritual”). But one person may get angry and cool off like a rational adult and another may start trying to fight the other driver, screaming and ranting until they get a migraine.

We also have stagnant or excess spiritual conditions. This can be anything from having spiritual attachments or something going on (something that is not “us” that is interacting with our system). People make a big deal out of things like spiritual attachments, but really we pick up so much energy from our day (such as thoughts, emotions, imprints, and so forth from others) that is much more important for us to clear. Especially if we are sensitive. Especially if we interact with a lot of people on a regular basis (even if we are not sensitive). And especially if we do any sort of spiritual exploration/work. This is why I teach my Cleansing course, as most people do not know how to properly clear or cleanse themselves.

Other spiritual “excess” conditions include a feeling of being stuck. This can manifest a lot of ways, but most people can relate to feeling blocked, or feeling as if they should have moved forward in some capacity in their lives, and they are not doing so.


Most people feel really comfortable with cleansing.

Cleansing is incredibly important. It really is– it is why I teach a class about it, and consider it a sort of vital, lost skill that is not being taught properly nowadays.

But it can also feed into our puritanical notions about ourselves. Our maybe-not-so-discovered-as-of-yet religious undertones of self-flagellation that we are acting out. Our ideas that there is something wrong with us. It also tends to feed into what I call in my Spiritual Awakening Guide book The Destroyer, which is our basic atavistic/primal/violent instincts towards ourselves.

I have now taught my Spiritual Cleansing class for a little over a year. I always note in this class that the people most in need for gentle, nourishing forms of cleansing always choose the harshest baths and cleansing methods.

Generally, people who believe that they have so much to cleanse off of themselves are often not in need of cleansing (or are in need of some cleansing, but gentle loving cleansing, not harsh cleansing that feeds into trauma and feelings of creating further suffering for the Self).


They are in need of nurturing.

In the other half of this equation (empty vs. full; deficient vs. stagnant) there is the understanding that there are parts of ourselves that are “empty”.

This is not a physical emptiness (although it can be, as a physical gallbladder that was taken out does create energetic emptiness, for example) but typically a trauma response.

This means that a part of ourselves was overwhelmed and energetically left. It may also mean that energetically we may have always had a part of ourselves “missing” (which we would then need ancestral/family, past life, and/or in utero work to heal).

A part of us that is “missing”  or “empty” always happens as a result of trauma, and it really is because there is some part of us that didn’t receive the nurturing that we needed at some point in our timeline.

Whether this was at infancy, or as a teenager, or even as an adult, when we are traumatized not only do we disassociate (energetically/mentally/etc) but those parts of ourselves never mature. They are locked in whatever stage, whatever age, that they became “missing”… whatever age they needed nurturing.


If you understand this concept, you start to look at the world in a new way. 

By this I mean that you can look at people and see what age they were traumatized, what age they missed being nurtured appropriately to see that stage through to fruition.

The screaming infant, the temper tantrum two year-old, the ten year old who wants everyone to look at them, the teenager who gossips and backbites and belittles everyone around them. The twenty something who knows everything, the thirty something who is first understanding death and disease and how short life is (and so forth).

I also always ask people to notice what happens when they get “triggered”– what age they are acting from. It is good insight as to what age an aspect of themselves has not been nurtured appropriately. It points to an obvious need for healing at that age, which would allow for that part of them to be “filled”… the emptiness to be “filled” from that age… and for that part to complete that cycle and be integrated into “adult” you.

Basically, we should all be our current age. But we are not. We are filled with screaming toddlers and nihilistic youths and teenagers who seek to create entropy again and again out of their misguided needs for attention, healing, and proper nurturing.

Those parts of us do not need to be “cleared”, or “removed”, or excised from us in any way. We should, in fact, not be harsh with these parts of ourselves at all. Because those parts of ourselves need nurturing, not more harsh words and inconsiderate glances and being misunderstood yet again.

Being harsh with these aspects of ourselves only fuels them: it fuels their belief that they are separate, misunderstood, and not getting what they actually need. So they continue to act out, or might act out in more and more detrimental ways. 


Simultaneous Fullness and Emptiness

So the difficulty of talking about two simple and contrary basic patterns (empty and full) is always that things are not that simple. One engenders the other. One mixes with the other. Both are present at the same time.

For example, if you look at something as seemingly simple as somewhere in your body that you chronically have pain (a hip, let’s say), you would clearly define it as “excess” and something that needs to be cleared.

But our pain, especially our chronic pain, is likely to come from deficiency, from something missing, from a part of our bodies and/or our selves not being present there. The stagnation comes (and the pain then comes) because it is gathering in that emptiness. It is naturally drawn to that emptiness, in fact.

This can get a lot more complicated, by the way. For example, spiritual “excess” conditions (such as spirit attachments) tend to happen more to people who are more fractured– they have more “missing” out of their energy bodies. This is not to blame (as many new-agers tend to do), but to state that not only does something need to be “removed” (if it is in fact there, and not a creation of a too-fractured mind projecting) but then healing needs to be done to fill that emptiness. Healing emptiness may be required to get someone over the delusions that they have created that something is constantly chasing or attacking them.

Whether that be something like the ever-popular “soul retrieval” or “body part retrieval” or something like bringing awareness of lost power, past life healing, ancestral healing, family lineage healing, and matrix/blueprint repair, it is up to a professional spiritual worker to (hopefully) carefully discern the entire imbalance, and not just remove the “excess”.

I will also say that for a lot of people who are feeling blocked in their lives it is not due to a pure “excess” pattern. We tend to try to break through what we perceive blocking our path, blowing it up with spiritual dynamite. We struggle against what we perceive to be blocking us, we power through, we yell and shout and tell it that we are going to force our way through such things.

Most often blocks from a spiritual level are a protective mechanism. 

They are there for a reason. A reason that you may not be consciously be aware of, but a reason all the same. These blocks do not need to be told how horrible they are, or to be powered through. They need to be understood, and compassionately.

Because they likely are coming from a place of protecting an “emptiness” within us that is looking for nurturing. They are likely from a specific age and time that didn’t receive nurturing. And if we can respond with kindness, with listening, instead of an adversarial approach, we will get further.

The difficulty with the “nurturing” part of the equation is that many of us have never experienced the type of safe nurturing during the infancy stage that will set us up to receive nurturing readily.

This means that when we are in utero and in our infancy stage, we are learning what nurturing is. We are entirely reliant on others to care for us and attend to our needs. This is talked a lot about psychologically (I am partial to Erickson’s stages here, where he talks about this stage of life being trust vs. mistrust); during this stage we basically learn through our parents if the world is a safe place or not. If we are not nurtured appropriately, we cannot believe that the world will nurture us appropriately.


Spiritually, a matrix forms from our relationships in early childhood and infancy, specifically with our mothers. This blueprint, based on the nurturing that we received (or did not receive) and we generally are able and willing to receive exactly the amount of nurturing from the world and the people in it as we energetically received from our parents in early childhood.

Which, for many of us, means that we hugely mistrust the world and everyone in it. We do not believe that anyone will nurture us, not even ourselves.

This leads to a lot of selfish, “me-first” type behaviors that we so readily see in the world these days.

Many of us truly believe that it is us against the world, and we have this set up matrix from early childhood that allow for us to perpetuate and create this belief (and its effects) again and again that not only can we not be nurtured, but that it may in fact be dangerous to be nurtured by others (or even ourselves).

The first step in working with nurturing is always self-nurturing. Learning to nurture yourself, and those places within you that missed out on such nurturing, is hard to do when you are used to being harsh with yourself. But it will start to fill up those places within, and change that matrix ever-so-slightly so that the possibility of receiving nurturing from others, including healers who can assist with early childhood mentally as well as spiritually (including ancestrally and blueprint work, which is missing from a lot of healing work), to shift that matrix so that those who are ready can receive nurturing from the self and the world… as well as change beliefs about others and the world to begin to allow the Self, the Earth, and others to bring in much needed nurturing and love that is sustaining and ultimately fills the individual who has healed their matrix/blueprint and “inner children” enough to experience it.