Monthly Archives: October 2016

A Note about Closing Readings

My life is quite busy these days, and I am very grateful for that. For all of you who have read my books, or my blog, or have participated in programs, sessions, and readings with me, I thank you.

For most of my life it has been pointed out that I am “unique”, that my ability to see through people was unnerving or unwelcome (even in groups that were supposedly filled with hypothetical “others” like shamanic and occult groups), and that my voice was not welcome in classes and groups. I have not fit in at school, in groups, or in what has been expected of a “normal” person in life. For much of my life I hid that I was different (or tried to), and was quite angry about how surface-level, inauthentic, and quite frankly bullshit-filled many spiritual paths, books, gurus, and teachers were. I was angry at my path, at being forced to do something and be someone that I felt I had no choice in.

My ability to not only reconcile the trauma and fear that was a huge part of my life for many years, but to have it be a reason why I am thriving now, is something that makes me indescribably joyful. I am now happy to work with the energies that surround me, and would not change who I am or what I sense in this world, even if/when it does create strong emotions or intense realizations (or just, you know, weirdness).

However, I have realized over the course of the past year that my life has been incredibly out of balance. Basically, I work too much. I found myself more and more immersed in accomplishing work for others, and doing little to no spiritual work for myself.

For anyone who is on a deeply spiritual path, such as myself (and many of you out there) not having the time or ability to grow and expand and change at the rate that is intended for you can be downright painful.

But beyond that, I have not had time for painting, cooking, or movies, or hanging out with family and friends– all of the things that make up who I am beyond “spiritual” Mary. It is easy in this line of work to be too intense, too focused, and not break that up with peace, laughter, and light. If I have learned anything on my path, it is that a “both hands” approach (light and dark, and everything in between, basically) is what creates balance, it is what creates a truly awakened state… and it is what provides clarity, grounding, and realism, even if the face of odd and extraordinary things happening in your life.

I put out a note saying that I was going to do readings for another few months, and unfortunately I am unable to do this.

My life and my practice needs to become a bit quieter, and more focused. I have not written (beyond blogs) for the last six months, and am going to focus on new courses, a new book, the courses I already offer, as well as my individual spiritual healing sessions.

I apologize for any inconvenience this causes. If you would like to read further thoughts about readings, and some philosophizing about them, you can continue below…

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I will say a few things about readings that may surprise you (or may not, if you do them professionally):

There are a lot of people who are attracted to spiritual readings who are severely mentally unwell. I am not talking about the forty percent of the population (supposedly) who are struggling with things like depression, anxiety, or even other imbalances. I work with people all the time who have been diagnosed with this or that, and as long as they have the capability to move beyond where they are now,  and have the reasonable balance required to take a few steps forward in their lives, and the clarity to look at their situation and participate in the process, I will work with whomever I can be of service to.

But when you do not have a filter (this is a large reason why I have people write a paragraph to me about why they would like an appointment, and do not accept everyone who comes my way) you get a lot of people who are severely disassociated, traumatized, filled with anger and rage and brokenness that come your way as a spiritual reader.

I wish that I could be of service to everyone, but I cannot. And it is hard, because I am a compassionate person. Every time someone emails me saying that they are suicidal, or believing that some big demonic force is after them, or wanting to believe that they are a shaman, psychic, empath, starseed, ET or reincarnated (insert word here) because being themselves is too painful, I feel for them.

But I know after doing spiritual work professionally now full-time for over a decade that I cannot help everyone, or alleviate the suffering or clear the delusions of everyone.

I was talking with a friend the other night about the difference between people who have been doing any form of health care for a short period of time and those who have been doing it for a long time. I joked how you could spot a new practitioner (especially a spiritual one, but really anyone) is that they will say things like that they can “help everyone”, or they will believe that spiritual work can fix anything, or that everyone in mental hospitals is a “secret shaman”. Someone who has been in this line of work for more than a few years will know that some people are in an incredible amount of pain, and suffering with delusions that do not resemble any form of collective reality. And that some of these people will want to believe that something “spiritual” is going on than to receive help from therapists, psychiatrists, or even hospitalization.

And before I get too far into this, I will really say that my personal belief, after interacting with a lot of people over a long period of time, is that really only 1-3 percent of the population is like this… and this is why I will never say that medication, or therapy, or anything like that is “bad”– because I have witnessed multiple people in dire need of those services, and whose lives would drastically improve (and really do) if they find the correct kind of assistance for them.

While I have a lot of compassion for people who are experiencing suffering of any kind, I really just am not the correct person for someone who is suicidal, delusional, or so far removed from health that they really need someone in person to watch over them. Dealing with this population is wearing on a spiritual level for me, as there is not much I can do, and a lot of people who are severely traumatized out there or who are creating their own form of reality completely divorced from the physical world.

On a less severe level, I would say that I am simply one person, and I cannot work 24 hours a day. Quite simply, something has to give. 

And the reason it is readings is because I have lost my passion for them.

People don’t really recognize just how much work and energy go into doing a spiritual reading. This is not to complain, by the way, but just simply to describe. Not only do you have to read what the person has written, but you then have to form an energetic connection to the person, sit with their energy (“read” it), and then connect with your spiritual guides and flows that provide information.

You then have to disconnect (or look back in if something is confusing, and then disconnect). You then have to figure out how to write things to someone so they can assimilate it at the level they are at. This is an art form in and of itself, as people are comfortable looking beyond some illusions but not others, and figuring that out can be tricky. While I am honest with people in all of my dealings, there is an art to honesty. You also want to deal with people compassionately, as people do hold on to their illusions quite tightly (even if they are asking about them), and if someone has their illusions dashed too much, or too quickly, they will either get upset at you… or they will write something back to “prove” themselves in some fashion to me… or they may even get angry or passive aggressive in their response.

People on the spiritual path also tend to get really wrapped up in how “unique” or “advanced” their situation or experiences are. We feel our own path intensely, but it is a rare person indeed who is willing and able to see that the intensity and drama surrounding their situation is self-created. We create our own chaos, and when we only have our own experiences to go on, and are still in a phase of being unable to see outside of the Self, we are unable to realize that our situation may not be as intense/advanced/unique/terrible/etc. as we believe it to be.

The amount of people who are beginners on their path who feel as if they have realized some huge “truth” on their path is at times odd, and sometimes frightening to me. Whoever we are, we have much further to go. Whoever we are, others have experienced what we have. Our egos try to separate us from this fact by either telling us how horrible/traumatic/chaotic/intense things are… or how unique/special/starseed/empath/psychic/shaman we are, and again, it is a rare person who has the capability to look up from their own experiences, look around, and to see that by and large most people (in varying ways) are in the same boat they are, and that if we start to work through our illusions, there is much less intensity and drama to our path.

Obviously, I have worked with a lot of sincere, wonderful people, and at this point I will say that anyone who has the capacity and willingness to look within and to really question the illusions that they carry is like a rare gem, and that I am astounded and delighted when I meet, work, or otherwise interact with them. Anyone willing to work with their own baggage, and to move beyond their own illusions, is not only lightening their own load, but that of their family, and really the world.

Simply put, readings take a lot of time, energy, and commitment, and I have lost my joy for them. I thank all of you who have purchased readings from me in the past, but it is time for me to look ahead, and to evolve into who I am intended to be. I do hope you will stay with me, as I hope to continue to bring “truth”, authenticity, and a sense of pragmatism to a realm that is so often filled with illusion and cloudiness/lack of grounding. I will continue to offer my courses (you can sign up for my mailing list to hear announcements of new courses in 2017), books (Managing Psychic Abilities will be out next month if all goes according to the plans of my publisher), and individual sessions. I do realize that there has been a bit of a wait for Spiritual Healing appointments, but will be available for more sessions starting the last week of November. Thank you for your patience when scheduling.

Mary

The Spiritual Nature of Dreams Part One

I have been asked on a semi-frequent basis to talk a bit about dreams. Obviously, one could spend a great deal more time than a simple blog talking about the nature of dreams (and many have, of course), but I thought I would include an “intro” to dreams and dreaming from a spiritual perspective.

We have different types of dreams that serve different purposes.

The first type of dreams that we can talk about are garbage dreams. This is your brain clearing the clutter from your day (or week). There is no huge meaning here, it is more like your brain has an entire whiteboard filled with marker from the thoughts and experiences you have from your day, and your body/mind will “digest” that information (or clear the whiteboard) so you can have a clear, fresh whiteboard for your next day.

Of course in our high-stress world, this doesn’t happen, and we don’t necessarily start out “fresh” each day. To keep things simple, I will say that simply some of our dreams do not have much meaning: you watch five episodes of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt on Netflix, and then you dream about Carol Alt, it doesn’t really have any sort of profound meaning– your body is simply trying to digest your experiences from that day.

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The second type of dreams are psychological dreams. Yes, I am going to be very simple here. Yes, there are a huge amount of books that go into much higher level, or in-depth sort of waters than I will here. But basically we have our conscious mind. This is what we are aware of. What we know to be true, what we think about, what we do with ourselves. We also have our subconscious, and really the totality of who we are is kind of like the tip of an iceberg (the conscious mind) and then the rest of the massive iceberg (the subconscious mind).

We may, simply put, only really understand about five percent (yes, I made that up, and yes, for most people that would be a high number) of our motivations for doing things, basically. Most of us are walking around with little idea of the sort of traumas, patterns, loops (repeated behaviors and thoughts), and energies that we are carrying around that create our reality. Obviously, the more that we do our own “inner work” or spelunk into the depths of our selves in an authentic way (going in, not out, and not ignoring, as the spiritual trends these days tend to want us to do).

Some dreams serve to bring forward ideas, understandings, and symbols from our subconscious into our conscious mind. This is a sort of processing in this case– we may not understand why we are bothered by someone at work and then we have a disquieting dream about the person. Or it may create even less of a connection– we may need to study and think about the symbology of our dreams, or discuss it with others.

For example, if we are walking down into our basement where we see a creepy clown and a birthday cake that reminds us of when we were six, we would have to know basic Jungian psychology enough to know that the basement is reflective of our subconscious, know ourselves well enough to know how we feel about clowns and reflect on any experiences we have had with them (perhaps if we really sat with said clown we would realize it had a similar energy of an uncle that was at that birthday), and be willing to be reflective of our sixth birthday party and what may have happened there to tie everything together. We then may need to explore why such symbols are arising now, and the connection to our current lives.

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The third type of dreams are collective consciousness dreams. This is where we move away from the “personal” (our own library of symbols and reflections based solely on our own life– whether spiritual, emotional, or psychological) and into more collective energies.

Our dream life is a gateway. The best explanation of this I have heard is that our daily experiences and then our “night” (as in, sleep, but obviously could mean simply night as well, as magical/occult/spiritual practitioners fully realize and utilize to their benefit) are like two wings of the same butterfly. For an utterly generic to the point of meaningless term, we are more “spiritual” at night, and we are more open. The proverbial universe is also more open as well, but as most things go, it is our own openness that creates our reality.

We also are much less resistant. 

This means that in our dreams if we were to fly, or to see/sense/feel the impossible, we wouldn’t shut down the experience (as we would in waking reality). If we were to talk to an elephant, or a plant, or a strange being, we would be more open to it. If we were to talk to an elephant and it would respond in our daily lives, most of us would understandably freak out, or at the very least question our sanity.

We shut ourselves down and off from a lot of experiences in our daily lives. As someone who is “highly psychic” (you can read about these categories in my book, Managing Psychic Abilities, which will be out soon) I notice a lot of stuff around me in my daily life. I do not have much resistance, and have, quite frankly, seen a lot of shit (pardon my language) by this point that would cause most people to run screaming, or to deny what they are experiencing… or more regularly, to just not notice it because it is not an accepted part of what they view the constraints of “reality” to entail.

All this being said, I was once told that I notice about four to six percent of my surroundings and happenings on a regular basis. I agree with this sentiment, as I have been “blasted” with energy far beyond that and can recognize how much is out there that I do not see/sense (I have an awareness of the layers of the “onion” that are beneath me, to extend a metaphor I will refer to later). There are a lot of complex reasons for this, and to why we tune out things (mainly so we don’t go crazy, as when you get to certain points things like realizing you are in several timelines at once are a bit odd to reconcile, but even at lower levels of consciousness combined with the stress of our day and what we already have to process/digest can throw even someone at the .03 percent of noticing off the deep end).

But in dreams we are more open.

We are able to connect to our greater selves, who we are without the constraints: beliefs, traumas, and so forth that we have chosen to define our reality.

We are also able to connect to more than our selves. In our daily lives we are really preoccupied with ourselves to the extent that it is rare that most of us can consider anything other than ourselves. There is a specific point in the spiritual path where this changes, but for the sake of this blog I will say that most people are so focused on themselves that the idea of energies and experiences not completely fixated on them (on the idea of the Self as creator or protagonist of their world) simply wouldn’t be accepted in daily life.

In our dreams, we move beyond such constraints and are able to connect to greater symbols, archetypes, and experiences that make up collective energies. We can move beyond the idea of ourselves being the center of the Universe to realize that we are but a small part of things, and will be more willing to notice that and experience that in dreams, at least at first.

We may still be a part of the dream, by the way, but the symbols, experiences, and energies of the dream will not be reflective (necessarily) of our own personal library, our own experiences in this world. They will rely on communal constructs, thoughts, and so forth.

Basically, we can see, experience, and notice things without having to turn it into a personal narrative, or have it be all about us. What we do with that information when we wake up is another story (if in waking life, we are not beyond the “I am the protagonist” narrative of our existence, we will likely then create a narrative to suit our current narrative about our lives, or what we consider or would like to be true about ourselves).

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So this is the point in dreams where things may get a bit weird. 

Because if we are “awakening” or on a spiritual path, we will not only have the above dreams (symbols from collective consciousness, symbols from our unconscious mind brought up to our conscious mind, and “garbage”) but we will begin to realize that dreams and sleep are the great connector.

What this means is that dreams are a meeting ground. Our daily, “mundane” reality is hard for energies to get through to. It is hard on the energies to get through not only because of our conscious mind refusing to believe, or fearing, anything “spiritual” coming through to us (or own resistance, basically) but also because a lot of energies are not really intended to be a part of the “physical” or concrete reality, and it is hard, if not impossible for many energies to become dense enough for us to notice them.

Without getting too confusing, our physical reality is like the outer part of an onion. There are many, many layers all on top of one another… but most of us are only able to sense, see, and willing to acknowledge the outer layer (where things can be measured, show up physically and densely, and so forth).

This is what a lot of people don’t get about spirits (former humans) and other energies, by the way. The reason why some people can see or sense them is because they can look beyond that initial layer of the onion. The more layers you are willing to look inward, the more you are aware of just how many layers there are, by the way. And those layers are not elsewhere or some place that needs to be visited or “journeyed” to– they are all right here. We just may feel safer if we create the mental construct that the “spiritual” is elsewhere.

As an aside, one of the funniest aspects of being able to see/sense stuff (yes, I will use the word “stuff”) is that most houses are, well, “haunted”. This means that one person may encounter anywhere from several to several thousand spirits in their daily lives, of course without realizing it. If people were to know this, they would freak out (or reach for the sage, which if you have taken my clearing course, you know that sage doesn’t really do a huge amount). But our minds and spiritual path/readiness do not allow for us to see this/sense this, and so if we do sense anything “spiritual”, such as a former human/spirit, the tendency of even “spiritual” sorts is to assume that they are there to create issues for them (the whole “protagonist” thing, again) or that they should all be gone, or that they have a personal responsibility to clear them. All of which are illusions, by the way, but I digress…

But basically, our dreams serve as a meeting ground where we can more easily meet teachers, guides, experience other layers of that “onion” (other layers of reality). 

We also have more openness to discover who we are without the constraints of our beliefs, traumas, and energetic constraints given to us by others pressing in on us.

If we understand how to, we can travel (such as dream walking; or traveling into the dreams of another person), lucid dream (or realize that we are dreaming, and learn to control or work with our dreams), and by extension learn how to etherically and astrally travel while awake.

We can also learn to communicate with specific energies utilizing dreams, such as receiving information from either specific places or through specific energies that we have already made contact with, in our dreams.

Dreams can also serve the function of initiation, teachings, and the realization of who you fully are… basically a glimpse of who you could be with some of your trauma and constricting beliefs/energies no longer being a part of your daily lives.

In our dreams we are more open, and this can also cause some safety and other concerns. For example, many people inadvertently travel, or come into contact with energies that create fear.. or experiences that cause fear because of lack of understanding. I always suggest my Cleansing course for this, as it will teach things like dream pillows as well as measures to ensure basic safety (if this is a concern).

But in Part Two, I will discuss some of the more “spiritual” aspects of dreams, including how we are more of “ourselves” in dreams, some of the places we may travel, initiation(s) in dreams, teachers/guides in dreams, and how we can come into realization and acknowledgement of our dreams to serve our spiritual path and our waking reality.

Moving Beyond Hatred for Humanity

It is easy to hate humanity. It is easy to understand how and where that hate stems from. If “hate” is a word that you refuse to use in your vocabulary, you can find a suitable word, such as “dislike”. But I would suggest at some point, if you do react to that word, examining why that reaction is there.

And while I no longer feel the need to sort of hold back energetically (or otherwise) in discussing topics like this, what I will say is that not all of my blogs are for all people. This blog, in particular, will discuss a topic that it is easy to emotionally react to. So instead of sending me your anger, you can simply not read the blog if you are not able to sit with difficult feelings. One of our first reactions to information that causes us to either think about our reality differently, or ourselves differently, is to push it away with anger. Or to fixate that anger on the person who brought such ideas. One of the signs of spiritual maturity is being able to sit with things, even with things that do not resonate with us, and take what excites, intrigues, or causes conscious thought… and to let go of the rest in a manner of peace and civility.

The more we can do this, the more we take personal responsibility for our own energy and emotions, and do not push them outward (onto others or the world) when we don’t feel or aren’t able to reconcile them inwardly.

But I digress…

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As humans we have done some pretty terrible things. It doesn’t really take that much “awakening” to see that we believe that we have dominion over everything. We believe ourselves to be superior, and whether it is from nature– plant, vegetable, mineral, animal– or on a more energetic level, we don’t question our “taking” or our right to “take” very much.

Something that is largely unspoken is simply our population numbers. We have too many humans on this earth to vitally sustain it. This is obviously incredibly unpopular to talk about, as people get understandably emotional about topics like procreation, and their right or ability to do so. It is also easy to point out countries that are wanting people to have more children in the news, or to get belligerent and suggest that I, or anyone else, talking about how there are just too many humans want to kill humans, or something equally ridiculous and emotionally based.

But if we are to consider the Earth as a whole, we will see this latent idea of consumerism, conquerer ideology, and ideas of dominion has allowed for there to just be too many of us. One out of four children in the U.S. goes hungry, and while there are certainly a lot of factors that go into this (political, class related, and so forth) really if we focus on an energetic level… if we step back from our ideas of humans being superior or having rights to do whatever they want… we may begin to see that we are out of balance to the extent that we are causing immense difficulty for other sentient lifeforms on Earth, as well as the sentient lifeform that is the Earth itself.

We also are causing incredible harm to our environment and to the Earth itself. But instead of talking about this from a perspective that has undoubtedly crossed your path before, I would like to talk about things from a pattern, or a spiritual, perspective.

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There is a certain point in the spiritual path in which people come across this hatred of humanity.

It may have arisen before, but there is the difference between a thought or concept sort of percolating in the background or occasionally rising from the subconscious and being front and center in terms of focus… a pattern that is coming up to be reconciled, that needs to be reconciled.

If you have read my book, The Spiritual Awakening Guide, I talk about the awakening process and how we go through different “layers” in the awakening process. One of these is a world layer, but also around the same time we may come across societal and archetypal layers where we may feel this pattern arise.

If I were to talk in sort of vague platitudes, I would next say that we are the Earth, and that if we were to just go into a “oneness” state we would see everything is as it is intended.

This, unfortunately, is not terribly true. But it is also true at the same time.

The state of oneness is also a state of differentiation. It is odd to describe to people, as most experiences of oneness that people have, at least initially, are the sort of temporary, orgasmic realizations as a result of a sudden rush of energy… or as a result of using teacher plants and so forth.

I do not wish to discredit these experiences, they are incredibly important. Realizing oneness, even for a brief moment, and transcending the physical form, is not only necessary on the spiritual path (to move beyond the idea of the Self as protagonist in this world) but really essential to moving forward on a significant spiritual path.

But people tend to experience these fleeting, orgasmic experiences of dissolving into oneness, or the Universe… or will have an intellectual understanding of oneness. Those who move beyond such experiences into realizing oneness will likely realize that we are one, but we are also separate at the same time. The concept of paradoxes is hard for the rational mind to reconcile, so this may come at a later stage on the path for many people.

But what is true is that we are the Earth.

Both singularly and collectively.

What this means is that singularly we create and color our world. How we feel about the Earth, about humanity, is typically how we feel about ourselves.

For example, I teach a Cleansing course. It is really an essential course for any sensitive, psychic, or anyone on a spiritual path. Skills like how to properly cleanse and clear yourself and your home are really not taught. But in this course I notice that people reach for the harshest baths. The harshest cleansing methods.

Many of these harsh baths are intended for things like really negative attachments, extraordinarily dark energies, and so forth. In some cases these baths are necessary, of course, otherwise I wouldn’t teach them. But the people who tend to reach for them, especially when they do so first… or are the type of person who tends to think that they always needs to reach for something that is incredibly abrasive or “the most” clearing… typically don’t need them

They are typically quite deficient (which energetically speaking means lacking vital energy, not a thought about any other sort of capacity). They could use gentle baths, self-nurturing, and so forth. I saw this a lot in my clinical practice as well; the person who tended to go for the drastic “cleanses” were the people who really could have used things like actually including more foods in their diet or some fat in their diet.

My point here is that we tend to be quite harsh about ourselves. As most people on the spiritual path who are attracted to my work would not describe themselves as “religious” there rarely is a sort of reckoning of this latent Calvinistic sort of harshness or ideas about the Self being incredibly impure, or something needing to be punished. Or an idea of how self-hatred can mean that we are incredibly harsh with ourselves, when most of us could stand to be gentle and loving towards ourselves.

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Unexamined, we store a lot of hatred within ourselves. How we feel about ourselves is how we feel about the world, generally. The example above shows how these tendencies to be really harsh with ourselves, to not nurture ourselves, color our world. We color our world based off our ideas about ourselves, what we believe and know to be true.

And I see a lot of sensitives, psychics, and others retreat from the world, not realizing that they are retreating from themselves. That they are no longer feeling and expressing their humanity, exploring their senses, and realizing their deeper wildness. It is a wonder, being human, and how connected we are to ourselves shows how connected we can be to others. It is no doubt that sensitives need to live a different lifestyle, but much of what I see is a lot of inner pain (and lack of tools/education) that could be resolved so the sensitive could lead the life they want… whether that be in a treehouse with nobody around for hundreds of miles, or in the middle of a city with thousands of people around them.

But let’s talk specifically about humanity, because our ideas about ourselves also create our experiences with other people. This is not as it has been popularly expressed, however.

What we are triggered by in other people is a reflection of what is unhealed within ourselves.

This is for individuals, of course. I recently shared with someone that I may have five angry people being jerks to me in a day (sadly, on some days this is fairly accurate assessment of my email inbox). I am only triggered, or have an emotional reaction, to one of them. That one is the person that I have to look inside for… it is the person who I have to reconcile that reaction.

Because if I did not have a part of me that was that person, however small that part may be within me, I wouldn’t react.

What reconciling this will not do is cause for people to be any less broken, or less of a jerk. People will still be who they are: they will be asleep, or silly, or stupid, or traumatized, or other negative words you can place on them. People will still look to take, or be violent. You reconciling your inner violence doesn’t mean that nobody will ever be violent with you. It is an illusion to believe so, and one of those illusions that allows for people in new-age communities to victim-blame as well as make themselves feel “safe” because they have supposedly not created a reality that would allow such things.

But you are creating your reality just as your neighbor is creating theirs. And their reality may be coming from a place of a lot of unreconciled stuff. Plus, we all have past and present energies (from past lives and family history and culture and class and so forth) that impact us beyond what we are creating out of the unknown or unhealed depths of our subconscious.

But what actually happens is that when you reconcile this energy you just accept them. You understand where they are, who they are, and don’t try to control or change them. You don’t emotionally react to them, basically. You realize that they are the sum of what is unhealed within themselves, and that that doesn’t have much to do with you.

This is obviously much harder to do when this unhealed person has a direct impact on you. I would never suggest not emotionally reacting, and feeling that full array of emotions, when someone burglarizes your home, or has created violence that has impacted you. I actually would suggest fully reacting and not stifling any emotions that arise, as they need to do so so we do not stifle them within. Reconciling that and doing healing work with that, when the person is ready, is a different subject than this blog. But our feelings about “people” or “humanity” in general, or most of the people we meet in our daily lives, can be worked with by looking inward.

This is a large job in my career choice, by the way. My work constitutes a lot of people projecting or “throwing” stuff at me on a pretty consistent basis. I luckily have worked on myself to the extent that 99 percent of the time I will just inwardly say something like “oh, that person is just being defensive because of ego (not a “bad” thing, just their identity as it is felt the need to defend and assert itself; this happens all the time and is interesting to see when and from who it arises out of, as it points to all that ego stuff like need for superiority and to be seen a certain way and so forth). But I also have people throwing jealousy, negativity, anger, and so forth my way. And while I do take personal responsibility (and do Cord work) for my part of things, a lot of what is thrown my way has little to do with me but more the “role” or “archetype” that I fall under, and the sort of unhealed material the individual throwing such things at me is carrying.

One of the difficulties of the new-age movement (or neo-shamanism, or “lightworker”, etc) is that there is no look at the inner parts that really need looking at. There is a good talk about “shadow”, but largely the violent, sadistic, dark, vile, evil, hating, sexual, and wild parts of self go unheard and unreconciled.

They are looked at as “bad” and cast away in favor of the “light”. Who would want to identify with such things? The belief in the spiritual path that allows someone to “rise above” their humanity or origins ( and the energy of the sort of “taking” and violence that our ancient ancestors needed, for example, to simply survive) when it goes unexamined means that there will be a fixation on the outer world, and the people in it who do such things.

I remember when I came to a point where all these parts in me that hated, or wished to do violence arose in me. For as much spiritual work I had done, and the state of surrender I have learned (as well as acceptance) these parts of me that wanted to do harm to myself or to others I separated from. I wouldn’t acknowledge them. It took me a long time do so.

I was in meditation when a troll-like energy came up within me. When I questioned what it wanted it kept on repeating and showing me scenes of violence, and how it wanted to do things like bash heads and chomp on bones. Not very pretty things, and a long distance from what I consider my identity (and certainly my outward appearance) would indicate.

But allowing this energy to arise and be heard and understood really allowed for it to be a part of me. A part of the whole. When it was unexamined and unheard it came out in desperate ways to be heard. I would shoo it away, or perhaps consider it to be “outer” in my early days. But allowing this energy to arise in me meant that all of those small things I was doing, the small violences that I was doing against myself, all but disappeared.

I have had similar experiences with the inner wildness, sexual, and “primitive” energies within. If we allow ourselves to sing, and dance, and create in concert with those energies, allow those energies to have a place in our lives… they allow us to move beyond sectioning them off.

I did not go into detail about specifically how to work with these aspects of self except in a general way because for some, the sense of violence coming up would mean enacting outer violence (for example). I didn’t actually want to gnaw on the bones of my enemies, the energy just needed to arise and be accepted, but it takes a fair amount of psychological stability to even be willing to accept that we have these seemingly difficult, primal, raw, or wild energies within ourselves… and that we are reacting to them in the outer world because they lie unreconciled within ourselves.

Similar to the individual people I contact, I find that the more I can reconcile these unheard aspects of Self, the less emotional reaction I have towards humanity as a whole. I do feel myself as a part of them… I am part of humanity, and there is no need for me to feel separate from humanity, or the Earth, or any aspect of the whole. But at the same time I see the state of humanity, the state of the world, and it is just something that I accept now.

We create the world together. Our inner violence becomes outer. Our inner hatred becomes outer. All of our unexamined “stuff” creates the world, and the world we leave behind. Having the courage to do our own work… having the capacity to look within and to take note when we are triggered by others, and taking personal responsibility for anything that causes us to feel negatively towards ourselves, humanity, or individual people, can allow for those people to be guideposts in our lives. They become teachers of what we have unhealed within. Otherwise they would just be another jerk that we know is suffering within, but that we don’t feel the need to emotionally react to.

Death, Rebirth, and the Pause In Between

We all naturally go through cycles of death and rebirth in our lives. For many of us, this is a gradual process, where we become anew– we get a new job, enter into a new relationship, or move without much thought about how these events change us.

We tend to think of ourselves as having a rather fixed identity, and so the idea that we are always dying and being reborn, in small or large ways, is sort of lost on us.

Put more simply, it is hard to keep track of ourselves. It is hard to see ourselves clearly. And it is only through hindsight that we achieve that clarity typically, if we are so inclined to sit with what we have been through.

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The natural cycles of our lives are of expansion and contraction, of death and rebirth.

In our expansion cycle, we tend to want to experience. We want to learn new things, grow, more fully inhabit our days and our lives. Energetically this also corresponds with the Chinese Medicine cycles of Spring moving into Summer seasons. This is a time that we go outside, enjoy nature, frolic, and so forth.

In our contraction cycle, we tend to want to consolidate. To take what we have experienced from our expansion and sift through it. To see what really fits, what should integrate with our concept of our individual identity, and to sort of leave the rest. It is a time for reflection, quiet, and solitude. It is easy to see that this period will correspond to the winter season.

These cycles really show how we are constantly dying and being reborn. We do this in large and rather obvious ways sometimes. But in other ways we do this daily many times without any sort of awareness. That decision to read vs. watch tv (none of these is “right” as some tv might be exactly the right choice for you), that decision to send in the job application (expansion) vs. stating to ourselves that we are horrible and we will never get it anyway (contraction).

To carry this further we can see how some of our natures tend towards contraction or expansion. This is the young man who has 5,000 friends on Facebook and jumps off cliffs on the weekends and always has a genuine smile on his face vs. the young man who has a few close friends and decides to spend his Saturday afternoon in a library. We can obviously extend this to introvert vs. extrovert, but we can also look beyond those labels and really see the essence of the person.

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To complicate things further, we may be in a period of expansion for decades. The spiritual “seeker” who will look towards thousands of resources is one. Someone who is constantly educating themselves is another. It is natural in our youth to be in this expansion phase, and in this phase it is easy to see ourselves achieving and becoming more of who we are.

In the contraction phase we have taken all of that education and seeking and start to know who we are. It is a period of focus. This tends to a period later in life. I believe it was Rudolf Steiner who said something about people really starting to learn at age 42 (I may be incorrect about that attribution) , but obviously that may happen earlier or later in our lives, just depending on our individual circumstances.

Obviously things can get more complex than this. We like to think of ourselves as one thing, either contracting or expanding… but the truth is that parts of ourselves may be expanding while others contract. We may need some parts of ourselves to expand while others take a sort of back seat for a bit. But I am talking about the general tendency of our being… and what cycle we may be in as a whole (basically, how many parts of us are contracting vs. expanding, and who “wins”)

This is linked to the concept of death and rebirth. We expand until we hit some sort of subconscious or energetic boundary, and then we retract again. We are being reborn, learning, expanding… and then we hit the wall (for whatever reason) and retract into a sort of “death” cycle.

This can happen for a few reasons. The most common reason we hit that wall and begin to retract is that we hear or see something that we are not ready for yet. This can be a bit of knowledge, a change in our world, etc. Our identity likes to think of itself as fairly fixed, and when we experience change, or the possibility of change, we equate it with death.

Because it is death. It is death of the known (to us, at least). And so we must energetically consolidate, or retract, in order to integrate the experience and reformulate our identity.

We may also refuse to change. This is completely common (and mostly unfortunate). We form fixed ideas about who we are, and who the world is, and if we run across anything that would change that, we have the tendency to shut it down. We do not reformulate our identity, or sort of energetically gather to reformulate our reality based on what we have learned… but we shut down so we don’t have to reformulate, so we don’t have to “die”.

It is also completely natural to go through this cycle of death and rebirth in minor and major ways. The seasons and times of year, as illustrated above, do it quite naturally for us. The moon cycle does this naturally, whether we are aware of it or not. There is not a cycle that is more important than the other (expansion/birth; contraction/death) and both are needed for us to live, to experience, and to make our journey forward.

But we can very much stall the process. We can resist.

We do this all the time. We come across some piece of knowledge, some understanding, some truth, and we get scared. It is natural, as our minds perceive that as “death”, and so we retract, much like a turtle retracting in its shell.

We then get stuck. We get fixated on whatever knowledge or experience that we came across that we are afraid of. We repeat it to ourselves, it shows itself to us, we see and sense and experience it in often fairly obvious ways (if we are paying attention, of course). Our minds, funny enough, will frighten us by telling us that whatever we have come across is frightening, or that it is some final “truth” or threshold that we must cross.

The truth is that it simply is a bit of knowledge that you may not know, and that by accepting it or even acknowledging it, you would move into the rebirth cycle, with this new information as a part of you.

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But we stop ourselves from becoming reborn. This is the first way we “pause”.

We hit that wall of whatever information or change is coming our way, we fear it, and then we retract. We stay in this sort of Void, this place of pause, because we are intended to experience and realize the information or change that has come through. And the fact that we have not allowed it in, that we have not allowed ourselves to naturally retract and our former selves to “die” means that we are stuck.

Sometimes we can get stuck in between death and rebirth, or rebirth and death, for long periods of time.

We will realize that we are stuck, we will realize that we are afraid. We will realize that there is something that we are supposed to do, some part of our lives or ourselves or what we consider the world to be was supposed to change… but we are holding on to our former selves, our former ideas about ourselves and the world, not allowing them to fully die.

As an aside, this is what makes spiritual awakenings so difficult. Especially full kundalini awakenings, in which we may “die” quite quickly and fairly violently there is often a fight, a struggle between the part of ourselves that fears anything other than the known, and the new that is quickly emerging. In my process I have had totally new insights about myself or the nature of the world/cosmos/universe/etc. within a minute or so. My ideas have entirely changed within that minute. That sort of “death” is quite drastic, and hard to process… and hard to surrender to.

If I had one piece of advice to give to anyone going through a brutal, briskly paced awakening, it is that surrendering to this cycle is much better than getting stuck. Being reborn, even with new ideas and even with a new physical structure or whatever is happening, is much less painful than remaining stuck in the pause.

The other thing to realize about this pause is that it is entirely natural.

Our cycles of death and rebirth naturally have a pausing factor, a consolidating time. We need time to integrate our experiences from expansion. From what we have learned.

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We need time to rewire. Any sort of spiritual change results in physical, emotional, and mental (belief system) changes.

This change does not happen instantaneously, even if, as in the example of myself above (and the belief system changing within an instant), some aspect of ourselves has changed. What I mean by this is that we may have an event happen that colors our world. It changes what we knew to be true about ourselves, or the world (whether in a good or more difficult way).

This experience does not change everything– mind, body, spirit– all at once. There are ripples, waves of realizing that information to be true, of incorporating that information inward. We then incorporate it into our conscious identity. We then energetically reformulate our individual energy system, patterns, and how we relate to ourselves and the world.

This takes time.

This period of “pause” allows for the “death” cycle to fully complete… for the things that need to complete in this cycle to do so. It also allows for this reformulation time, so we can go into our new period of “rebirth” and expansion as clearly as we are able to.

The difficulty of this pause time is that it is easy to get frustrated with it. I certainly do. As someone who is self-employed there is always something for me to do, and the idea that I am intended to be in a period of rewiring, or reformulation (this pause) is difficult for me.

But learning patience, learning about this pause, and breathing through it, is a lesson unto itself.

The recognition that we can sit with this pause and feel stillness… to let go of the ideas that are constantly circulating about doing more or being more, and allowing for new energies to emerge naturally, as they do when it is time for that “rebirth” is difficult.

To make it even more difficult, for those of us who are sensitive and used to a lot of spiritual “stuff” happening around us, our abilities or senses may be dulled during this period.

To make things even more difficult, this period tends to be of a longer duration when we go through a bigger “letting go” process. Basically, if we have worked through a lot of stuff in our last contraction cycle, or have learned a lot in our last expansion cycle, we need longer (typically) to integrate, a lengthier pause to happen.

A pause really can be just a moment if we have not had much go on in our lives, or if we are not conscious enough to reflect on the natural cycles of our being. If we refuse to learn, or refuse to change in any way, and have fixed ideas about ourselves and the world that we refuse to change, we will naturally get angry at or refuse to acknowledge anything to the contrary that we may come across. So we won’t need much of a pause to integrate anything, because we haven’t done much work or had really much growth.

If we do grow, we will need that pause. That stillness. And to learn to acknowledge this need, this rewiring and reintegration time, and to honor it, is difficult. Or it is for me, at least. But learning to respect this cycle, to understand where you are at and to act accordingly, will not only allow you to stop forcing yourself to do things that are not a natural part of that cycle (yes, you will still need to go grocery shopping and such, no matter what cycle you are in, though) is part of really entering that flow state, or feeling more free in our daily lives.

Resources for Sensitives and Psychics

In my new book, Managing Psychic Abilities (which will be out in a few months, but is available for pre-order now), I talk about how approximately 20 percent of the population would be considered “sensitive”.

Being sensitive basically means that you can see or sense more than most of the population (so if you are a part of the twenty percent, you would notice more than eighty percent of the population… this is of course very generalized for the purposes of this blog). In the book I divide this twenty percent into “highly sensitive”, “mildly psychic”, “moderately psychic” and “highly psychic” categories based off of my observations of the general population as well as working with sensitive and psychic individuals now for over a decade (and also, figuring out my own sensitivities).

As I talk about quite a bit, the difficulty with our society in general is that 80 percent of people are not “highly sensitive”… and so society is generally built around the majority and what they see/sense/feel… and everything from what is considered “normal” to how someone should act, function, and what they should want is built around this idea of normalcy… or someone that is around the 50 percent/average (sigh, actually slightly lower, but I am making a point) and how they function and what they are in this world.

The reason that this is so difficult is that people who are not sensitive, or who are in the “highly sensitive” category (but not some of the psychic categories) will want to become more sensitive or psychic. 

And people who are highly sensitive or psychic often go through large segments of their lives either ignoring, pretending they are not sensitive or psychic, or are unable to find the tools and skills that they need to manage their sensitivities (rather than, say, become more sensitive).

If you look on any bookshelf, you will see this clearly illustrated. 99 percent of the books and resources out there are for people who want to become more sensitive or psychic, and not the 5 percent or so of the population (the “psychic” part, as many people who are highly sensitive are part of the “aspirational” community who wish to have more spiritual experiences or become more sensitive/psychic) who needs to manage and understand their sensitivities/already manifested psychic abilities.

This is why I designed my courses, by the way. The Clearing Course and the Discernment course were both based off of me not finding the information I needed to help me… or finding it in many disparate and far-flung reaches of the world and compiling it together to be of benefit to myself (and eventually, others). So people now get the benefit of my twenty some odd year search for answers, which I am grateful for, as people now don’t have to go through what I did to find those answers and can learn to work with their sensitivities and psychic abilities in a five or eight week course format.

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But I have found other tools along the way, tools that were helpful for me (and continue to be helpful for me as well as others I suggest them to). I will chat about them below, and why they are so helpful:

  • Meditation: this is always one that people know about, but if you are sensitive (and especially if you are in the highly or moderately psychic categories, which means that you are basically in the 5 percent rather than the twenty… I talk about all this criteria in the book, by the way) you really need to meditate. Daily. I know it seems like a pain, but if you are a sensitive and do daily meditation (even just 10 minutes) for a month, you will notice you feel much better and are less overwhelmed
    • Progressive Relaxation Meditation: People who are sensitive and are not taking care of themselves properly (are unskilled, or don’t know how to work with their abilities yet) are often out of their bodies and really on edge. Their nervous systems are freaked out, basically. This interferes with sleep as well as creates anxiety, fear, and just general discomfort. Progressive relaxation allows for your body to release stress through the body over time, and chill out the nervous system
    • Mantras: People who have never meditated (I also include people who have tried meditation once or twice and it “didn’t work” or people who have meditated once last year and twice this year with no regular routine) often do well with mantras. Chanting or repeating words or phrases in your mind cuts out all of the mental chatter that happens when you are inexperienced with meditation. Finding a mantra is a deeply personal process, but even if you just chant “om” (or “ohm”) many times as a start, it is a start, and you will notice benefits.
    • More thoughts on Meditation: If you have never had a regular practice before (which I consider a month of daily practice) I suggest starting with the “Oprah and Deepak” meditation thing. It runs fairly frequently, and while I have mixed emotions about both Oprah and Deepak, they really are perfect for this sort of thing, and can get you into experiencing a regular practice (I believe it is 21 days) so you can start to see the benefits
  • Yoga, Qi Gong, Tai Chi, and Movement: So running and aerobic activities have their place, but sensitives have a tendency to get energy stuck in their bodies (we all do, but I will explain further). Energy gets stuck in the joints and crevices of our bodies. Exercises that have you doing the same thing over and over release energy, but do not allow for full range of motion, or more simply, all sorts of stuck energy flowing through the body. One of the biggest difficulties for sensitives is that they take on a lot of energy, and if there is not proper flow through the body, it gets stuck. It gets stuck in the head, the digestive tract, the muscles. By moving your body through its ranges of motion (and bonus, adding a meditative and breath-oriented practice to it) energy can properly flow.
    • There are of course some forms of yoga that have been entirely Westernized, and are basically aerobics now. Finding a good yoga studio and teacher as well as style is also a personal thing. I tend to like basic Hatha for beginners, and then Yin or Iyengar for those who are really looking for long-standing changes in their bodies and minds.
  • Sensory Deprivation (Float) Tanks: I love float tanks. I will say if you are claustrophobic that this is not an appropriate option for you, as you are enclosed, naked, in a small tank for 60 or 90 minutes. Float tanks have options for light and sound. I suggest simply being in darkness (no light or sound) if you are comfortable doing so. Float tanks take you out of gravity- your body floats. Your body can not only take in likely desperately needed silence and lack of sensory input, but having the opportunity to do so allows for you to process your own stuff and make leaps forward on your spiritual path. After each float tank I notice that I release heavy energies, emotions (both my own as well as ones that I have accumulated from others), thoughts, and so forth. I used to do a float tank about every other week, but now I do it once a month, and it truly is a life-saver for me. People do report journeys and visions and all that sort of stuff… and I certainly have experienced them… but for me, the ability to release tons of energy and be in a place with little to no sensory input is incredibly necessary and what I utilize the tanks for.
    • Spiritual Bathing: Anyone who knows me knows that I love spiritual bathing. Learning how to do so properly, such as through my Clearing course, is one of those tools that can be learned that can be of great benefit to any sensitive/psychic. Proper energetic hygiene, and learning how to do it, is a vital and neglected skill (and can be learned in this course)
  • CranioSacral Therapy: I am a huge proponent of CranioSacral therapy for sensitives. The reason for this is that it is a light-touch modality that works with the spectrum of mind-body-spirit. It is non-forceful and client (you) directed. If you find an “Upledger” variety therapist (someone who has studied with that school) they may also be able to help you talk to your body (SomatoEmotional Release) in order to release emotions and energies through the body. If the person is “Biodynamic” oriented (the other major school) it relies more on a “witness” state, and can tap into deep spiritual energies that flow through the body.
    • The difficulty with CranioSacral therapy, or any form of bodywork, is finding someone who you mesh with personality-wise who also has the appropriate training and spiritual cultivation. There is an unfortunate tendency (like what has happened with Acupuncture) to have really reductionist people who do not believe in “spirit” or “energy” who practice, or people who simply aren’t trained (have taken a weekend course or two) who are offering the service. I always suggest looking for someone who is certified, who has 5-10 years of experience (with CranioSacral therapy), and who feels comfortable working with highly sensitive individuals (you can assess their energy or simply outright ask them if they feel comfortable working with highly sensitive individuals and see what their answer is)
  • Zero Balancing: Zero Balancing is another form of bodywork that is extremely helpful for sensitives. It works with deep energies in the body (currents that move through bone), and can not only help energy flow through the body (similar to yoga and so forth) and release tensions deep in the body, but can allow for the sensitive to feel grounded and embodied. Work can be done, for example, on all of the tiny bones in the feet (which tend to be quite rigid energetically) to allow for grounding as well as proper energetic cycling between your physical body/feet and the Earth. Since it does work on a “bone” level, it can also release energies such as ancestral/family energies
  • Bodywork in general: No doubt people will say to me “I don’t have a CranioSacral therapist in my area” or you may not have one that is skilled or that you resonate with. It happens. There are a lot of different forms of bodywork that can help. The key is really finding someone that is really skilled and experienced at what they do… so much so that it is a calling for them. They study it on weekends, have books by their nightstand, and so forth. There are so many different forms of bodywork and massage out there, and the key here is finding someone who is passionate, experienced, highly skilled, and “spiritual”. Meaning that they consider bodywork to be a form of art, a spiritual practice (rather than a manual release of built up whatever in the body). You can typically tell this by their bio, or by their energy (really “spiritual” sorts have a lot of peace and stillness to them that happens after proper cultivation/discipline).
    • We lack proper non-sexual touch in our culture. Being touched can allow for us to not feel alone or isolated. It can allow for us to share our grief, our pain, with others. It can allow for us to feel seen. We all get stuck in our patterns, our thoughts, our varying pains. Working with a bodyworker, or visiting one when we feel “stuck” can allow for us to more readily get through whatever we are experiencing. Shared pain is lessened pain, and some patterns and pains really need to be witnessed by someone else to be properly released.
  • Nature: Another expected one, but someone who is sensitive really needs the regular release that walks in the woods, or up a mountain, can provide. I think that we all need this, sensitive or not, but connecting to the beauty of the world, and allowing for release through communing with nature, is vital to the sensitive.
  • Artistic expression: I get a lot of questions about things like anger, and fear, and how to express them properly. Emotions and the sort of “darkness” that most of us shy away from are linked to our creative energies, and are best addressed through artistic expression. Painting, dancing, writing, speaking, singing, anything that allows for you to sit with your emotion (for example, rage) or that part of you that is coming through that you keep on pushing down (the inner teenager, the “dark” parts of you) and give it an appropriate outlet.

There are a lot more “skills” that can be learned by the psychic and sensitive. I also obviously suggest spiritual work for sensitives with a competent spiritual healer. I will also say that the release of trauma is critical for the sensitive to understand who they are and what their sensitivities are clearly (without a bunch of beliefs and understandings created out of illusion or trauma). Simply put, a lot of sensitives think that their difficulties in this world are a result of them being sensitive, when really it is a result of trauma. Trauma that could be healed. I do realize that people don’t like to consider this, as using words like “empath” or “sensitive” in our culture means that we can pin a lot of illusions on them… but healing of trauma (either related to sensitivities or not) is really what is necessary for all sensitives to be able to accept their sensitivities as well as manage them properly.

There also really is proper training that is needed for the “non-aspirational” sensitive or psychic to be able to understand and manage their abilities, but these practices (even if you just choose a few) will allow for there to be more peace, better managing of energy, and the release of what doesn’t serve you. Being “sensitive” can be a beautiful thing in this world, but there is a lack of proper understanding and nurturing for the sensitive to really learn how to thrive in our culture. Learn how to nurture yourself, and develop skills, so sensitivities can be a thing of beauty instead of a constant drain on your resources and energy– it is well worth it to do so.