Monthly Archives: April 2016

Spiritual Advice Column: Can you go too Far (down the Rabbit Hole)?

There is a look to someone who has been too far, who has seen too much… at times this is an intent stare, other times an otherworldly gaze. Both seem as if they are looking through you, to the depths of you. Or perhaps they are not even noticing you, so lost in another dimension, timeline, or spiritual reality that most cannot notice.

glass-271151_1280It has been a while since I have done a Spiritual Advice column. I received an email from someone recently that I will not post (a lot of identifying info) but as this is a common theme I hear time and again, I thought that I would pose my thoughts on the subject.

The real sort of question here is one of fear. It is of going to some depth or broaching some understanding that would cause insanity, death, or some type of shattering, either in some real or imagined way.

For some spirituality is a sort of self-help, a way to feel momentarily better about oneself, perhaps finding tools and ways to lead a better life, a life filled with more peace and harmony… a filling of that void within that calls out for more that is momentarily satiated, or perhaps becomes smaller due to spiritual pursuits.

For others spirituality, the occult, shamanism, and so forth is about finding “truth”. It is about the realization that most of the world is asleep, numb, on auto-pilot, and a realization that there must be more beneath that.

This quest, to find out what lies beneath, has taken plenty of people beyond the sort of surface-level spirituality that caters to the self-help crowd. It is an entirely different quest, in fact. One quest is to feel better– to quiet the inner storm, that inner divide that whispers in the night to the person that they are not good enough.. that there must be something out there to make them feel less alone, more connected, and overall better about their lives.

The other quest is one of truth. It is to find personal truth. Collective truth. To know what really lurks beneath. There is healing here– this is no band-aid for the soul. It is brave, true, and warrior-like work. It is taking one step forward into all of that material that we have collected, that has made us who we are.. and bravely tearing off the packaging that makes us believe that we are one thing– one dominant personality, one incarnation– rather than a grouping of energies come together. It is a release of the stories and beliefs that we have considered to be “truth”… a release of them, and a realization that those stories have made us part of the collective that thinks, eats, and believes without questioning.

So the real question is if there is danger here. The answer is yes, of course there is.


Most of the world operates at such a superficial level that the idea of any truth– personal or collective– or of going beyond what is thought to be true, personally or collectively, emerges you in the proverbial rabbit hole. At the beginning of this rabbit hole is what we know to be true about ourselves. We can find a lot of companions here– others who wish to peek beneath the surface of things… explorers, warriors, and more.

This group at the surface of the rabbit hole, at the beginning of its depths, are warriors in their own right. They are searching for something more, for something larger than themselves. They are willing to do work, to look within, and to consider different forms of spirituality and how those can make a difference in their lives. The people here find tribes, companions, and others to help them in their quest.

But as you go deeper beyond the surface you must face truths about yourself and the world that are frightening. We are programmed to believe certain things about ourselves and the world. That first time that someone discovers that magic(k) is real, that spirits are not parts of the psyche, that your will can construct the universe, or that releasing a long-held belief and understanding about yourself can create radical transformation and change physically, mentally, and emotionally it is frightening.

It always is, quite simply. Because with each depth we traverse, the further we go, the more our outer world changes. In many cases this is in exceptional ways– we truly know who we are, we have more freedom from releasing long-standing patterns and beliefs. As we go deeper we find that we truly can shape our world, that our intent and focus and ability to exert our will can allow us to do so.

But each time that we release, that we learn something new, or there is a new spirit-led initiation, we need to integrate. Our entire world changes. Who we were may be gone in an instant, or may take several days (or weeks) to emerge.

And there is a danger about traversing your own depths. Most of us have really no idea about what is truly within ourselves– the amount of self-hatred, primal instincts (violence, lust, etc), and different aspects of self there are within. Some of these may be wonderful, aspects of our personality that we delight in embracing. We may find past lives, ancestors, and spirits that truly allow for us to feel power, safety, and delight in our travels.

But there are parts of all of us that are vile, evil, disgusting, and brutal. Working with these is quite different, and the discovery of them is something that is difficult to deal with. Because we, especially if we have been on a spiritual path, especially if we have been amassing light and energy and can feel the flows of the universe, find ourselves mid-rabbit hole suspended by these energies.

On more surface levels they are called “shadow” and the mainstream popularized way to deal with anything is to forcibly transmute it to light. But that doesn’t work here. What these elements want is not to be reviled, but to be understood. They are simply currents of energy that will not cede to forcibly being changed into something we deem more suitable, more light, more in line with our puritanical tastes.

And there is a danger in having experiences that few do. Realizing different worlds, timelines, and energies sounds wonderful to the aspirant until you discover that there is need for integration– there is a need to go to the grocery store while realizing that you are simultaneously living other lives. That you must feed the cats, brush your teeth, and go to work while an aspect of you is meandering in the Abyss.

And these realizations change your life. Once you realize that spirits are real (for example) there is no going back. There is no sitting around talking on a message board about if they are psychological or not. The reality of the spirit world has been experienced directly by you, and there is no going back from that. There are certain thresholds, certain doorways, that once traversed your understanding of the world, the cosmos, and of human society change irreparably.

So does this mean that these things mean that you have gone too far? Perhaps the answer is yes to this. I have seen this gaze too often, even though it is fairly rare. You can tell when someone has plunged into the depths of that rabbit hole. Many of them, when broached this question, understand that there is no going back to previous understandings. But there is no desire to go back to previous understandings, either. Once awake, once in the depths, the desire to go back to sleep is minimalized.

But what is more painful, more difficult is when you are mid-rabbit hole. When you have had some initations, experiences, and insights that separate you from others just enough that it can be painful. You are moving in a world that is asleep, and you are no longer that way. The desire for sleep, to go back to surface levels, to meaningless chatter, and to less of a warrior-like path is strong here.

And so is the resistance. Despite awakening, despite a solid spiritual path, despite initiations, those mid-rabbit hole still have not surrendered. Those deeper in know that they are too deep, and they go through the doorways because it is time. Those that are teaching, walking around, and functioning in this world are doing so at a high level, and they have left behind many of the stories, aspects of personality, and fears that the mind creates to try to keep those in that quest for truth in the same place.

Healing is a brave act. To go beyond means healing enough, letting go of enough of our beliefs, constructs, and reality to be able to truly find ourselves. The proposition of that is scary. Walking through every threshold, meeting every rebirth, allowing ourselves to move forward and beyond despite our wounds and constructs telling us that we should remain where we are, because at least that where we are is known, is a decision that all of us, no matter where we are in said proverbial rabbit hole face every day.

And some people are not strong enough, or go about things in the wrong way. I try my best to be authentic here, and it is true. Some people find magical, spiritual, and other workings that cause for them to shift suddenly and violently, way past where there current personality, who and what they currently are can handle. They cannot integrate walking through a large threshold, or going from the surface to the depths of the Abyss in one jump.

Any spiritual or magical path should first focus on the Self. Because unless you are stable and reasonably integrated you do not go through those thresholds well. I do not teach, for example, about advanced spiritual work to someone who needs to process their past lives, or focus on their self healing because that is important. That must come first.

Once you work your way through your own stuff, enough that you are balanced and able to hold power and exert your will, moving through thresholds is frightening, but typically manageable. But traversing the depths of yourself is brave, and most prefer the surface for good reason.

So the simple question I am asked in various forms here is Can you go too far? or What happens if stuff starts to happen that is frightening? or What happens when you have spiritual realizations and direct experiences that not many do?

The answer to most of this, for most people, has to do with personal healing and personal power. If we are able to heal ourselves, and the extensions of ourselves (past life, ancestry, sub-personalities, and so forth) are reasonably integrated, we are able to access more of our inherent power. And this is what most people deeply fear about themselves. They really do not fear the pain, or the suffering… they fear the release… what will happen when they actually experience more freedom, when they are who they really are in this world, and are able to stand in their own power and exert their own will into this world?

The other part of this is that yes, things get weird. They just do. Thinking and being in a world that is asleep is simply an odd thing to do. Having spiritual experiences, initations, and understandings that are far down that rabbit hole do separate you in a superficial way. But they also give you the ability to connect, more deeply and with more truth. Our human connections are tenuous, we have love and need connection to one another. But connecting directly to source allows that deep sort of connection that is hard to put into words. The search for spirituality is the search to not feel alone, and going further down the rabbit hole allows for you to feel that connection and fill that “hole” in a way that many are really engaging in this quest to find.

So yes, you can go too far… You can go too far to properly be able to integrate, too far for your current personality and belief system and mind to be able to handle. But if you do your own work and heal and integrate with depth, you will continue to go deeper with (relative) grace.

Advanced Aspects of Past Life Healing

In the past I have talked about one of the basic services that I offer– resolving past life issues.

You can read the blog about past lives and why they may need to be healed here

Basically, in a Spiritual Healing session, someone may come to me with an idea that they have a past life issue or trauma that they would like to resolve, or they may have no idea what is going on with themselves. Typically people come to spiritual healing work when they have kind of been through the gamut of counselors and associated health providers, both allopathic and holistic, and their issue remains unresolved; the person is then more likely to want to look at things in another way (through a spiritual lens) or they may have simply exhausted their other options… or they may realize that whatever they are experiencing that there is no reason for them to experience that type of fear, pain, or difficulty due to their own experiences of this world.

It is important to realize that when someone comes to me they don’t have to know that they are having past life issues (or ancestral issues, or be in need of spirit release, and so forth). Sometimes people do, and that is wonderful. But even those people may be surprised at what comes up in a session. I will say that personally I don’t care if the energy that emerges in the session is past life, ancestral, cultural, from another person, or from your own lifetime: the focus of my sessions is always on working with whatever energies emerge with compassion and clarity so you can resolve them. All I need from you during a Spiritual Healing session is to be willing and able to look at patterns that may emerge, wherever they may come from, so you can get the best healing session possible, and heal as much as you are ready to.

I will say that some Past Life work I find a bit melodramatic and sensationalistic. I have no interest in telling you that you were Cleopatra in a past life. The focus of all of my spiritual healing work is to allow for you to clear, heal, and resolve imbalances (emotions and energies) in a spiritual manner…. and for you to move forward in a freer, healthier, and more functional manner in your life.

All of that being said, I would like to talk about some more complex past life issues that I work with.

As the more basic blog states, sometimes past life resolution is somewhat simple. Someone didn’t die well, or had trauma or difficulties or a disease process that was not energetically or emotionally resolved at the time of death, so that energy lingers. By resolving whatever happened to this individual, the energy and emotions from that past incarnation can clear.

I have seen some profound results from doing this type of simple past life work– heavy emotions and even physical pains lessening or even releasing completely.

However, in complex past life issues there may be more than one inter-related linking issue. By this sometimes when a past incarnation doesn’t heal, this energy is passed down, and passed down, and passed down again. Think of this as a series of those old paper dolls that would be cut out of paper with their hands joining– with the original creator on one end (the person who an original trauma happened to) and you on the other. There may be one, two, ten, or fifty “paper dolls” in between you.

Or you can think of this as a long rope– on one end is the knot that was originally formed due to difficult emotions, trauma, and so forth… with a series of knots in the rope going all the way to you.

These are obviously difficult things to talk about, and to get across clearly, so I will use a (somewhat) simple example. Say in a past life you lived in a country in which war broke out and you were starving. The emotions of fear and anger built up inside you. These energies were never healed, and were passed down to the next past life. This person was wealthy, but they hoarded their money and never enjoyed it because of this fear passed down from the original past life. Then in the next life this person had difficulty feeding their family and had a lot of scarcity and felt a lot of anger about their situation because they were well educated but could never seem to get ahead (partially if not fully because of this original energy).

And now you are you… in this current lifetime… and no matter what you do you cannot save money. You have a full pantry with any type of food you want and you still fear running out. You have a lot of anger and fear about “lack”, and while you do not technically “lack”– you and your children have enough (maybe not enough for extras, but you have food in your bellies), there is still this sense of fear here.

So I will give my typical caveat when talking about money, since I used it as an example. A fair amount of people who are looking for spiritual answers for things such as money need to look at the “mundane”– either first, or even instead of the spiritual. By this I mean that if you do not know how to properly balance a budget, that is the place to start. If you are having physical or mental issues that are causing you to not be able to find work, those need to be looked at either in conjunction with or instead of more esoteric spiritual causes.

By this I also mean that we can heal the past life energy (energies) which will have an impact, but if someone is not willing to take personal responsibility in this world for their experiences of that energy, they are still going to have blockages energetically and emotionally.

I will explain this further because it is an important point…

So I will return to the “originator”– the person whose experiences in their lifetime created this energy. When the next person experienced it, they had that energy plus their own experiences and emotions with that energy. I know I am mixing analogies, but think of this as a small snowball rolling down a hill– each lifetime it will pick up more “snow”: snow that may have different qualities (different energies and emotions based on the experiencer and their lifetime).

To get even more complex, the snowball may completely switch course, and start rolling down a different hill. By this I mean that the energy started by being about fear and lack and anger, but one of the lifetimes added on grief, as well as perhaps the energy of a robbery because they felt like they needed to steal from others… so now we have violence added on to this “snowball”, and a feeling of needing to take from others.

So to heal this the “originator” needs to be healed through spiritual work, as well as all of the other knots (or paper dolls, or layers of snowball). Those other knots/dolls/snowball layers are best healed through working as far back and going as far back the chain as possible. This is because a lot more energy and emotions can be released if there is understanding and healing with how it started. If we start in the middle of a story, there will be more confusion, and you are likely to walk away with some or a lot of that energy remaining.

So I do realize all of this sounds a bit complicated, and I could introduce topics like karma (non new-age concept of karma, I mean), karmic connections, or even more complications into this… as these energies can twist and change. But these energies can also untwist and heal and resolve.

The start and end of a past life healing session always has to do with you (you, in your current incarnation, just for clarity). With your body, with what you are experiencing (what emotions, what sensations in your body). That is how we start our exploration. If a past life energy comes up, we work with it, however much you are ready for and however far back you are ready to go. Sometimes we just need to explore one lifetime, and sometimes there are twists and turns and a giant snowball to take care of. Either way I am a patient guide who simply wants for people to experience more freedom in their lives, and to experience less chaos, and more peace.

To end past life work we also end with the body. It is easy to sort of go into a mode of “blaming” past life energies for everything. But you have taken on that energy and have had your own experiences of it. By providing healing and releasing energies from you, and your current body, it will allow for you to understand how you have reacted to an energy being passed down to you like this, as well as can provide you some insight, or “homework” as I like to call it, for you to take action in your world to fully resolve this energy. This taking action in your own world, once this energy begins clearing (integration and healing of this type of work can take quite a bit of time, but is generally gentle, especially after the first few days after the session), allows for you to “reformulate your world”– or basically, to integrate this energy and learn how to operate in the world without it.

As a side note, I occasionally get asked what sort of healing is best, or what I have found most effective in my personal path… basically I think this question is something like “what has allowed for me to transcend the most amount of ‘stuff’ that has been blocking me” (not like I don’t still have stuff to work on, by the way), but my answer would be past life healing, ancestral healing, and inner child (including in utero) work. These three, both individually and together, have made drastic changes in my world and allowed for healing on a level that I never thought possible.

As a last side note, I will say that when someone schedules with me although they may have an interest in a specific “technique” such as past life healing, I prefer to keep things open. By this I mean I ask that you come to me with a specific topic in mind, such as working with fear, or digestive issues, or feelings of being stuck, but that you remain open enough to explore whatever comes up– which provides the best and most effective healing for you during the session.

If you had interest in scheduling, or wanted to see if we would be a good fit to work together, you can contact me here, or read about spiritual healing session basic info here