So I don’t think that anyone was really holding their breath for this news, but I have decided to continue the blog. I have taken the ability to comment on my posts down, which I think will help. I do like the idea of random people from all over the world being able to find a realistic blog post about Kundalini, or whatever they may be looking for. However, if I continue to have difficulties I will look into some other options, like password protecting the blog or doing a newsletter.
I also want to thank everyone for their lovely thoughts and guidance regarding the subject. It really was very much appreciated during a difficult week (and so thank you again).
Below I will post some random thoughts that came up due to this situation… if you care to read them.
Random Thoughts and Realizations from this Past Week:
- One of my recognitions was how the subject of “awakening” is presented to the general public. Due in large part to the influence of modern Advaita Vedanta there is this belief that people who are “awake” or “partially awake” or (insert words here) have no emotions. That they are sort of dead from the neck down. That they have “ascended” or whatever beyond their human body. This, in no uncertain terms, is b.s. As long as we are humans we are going to feel. If we break our leg, it is going to feel painful (yes, it might be more bearable to someone who has done Tummo practices for decades, but it still will not be pleasant). If someone flings their emotions towards us we can have the best defenses in the world, or allow for those words to flow through us… but emotions and thoughts are still things. Things that can be joyous as well as unpleasant.
- What actually happens as you awaken is that you feel more, you experience more. Oneness doesn’t necessarily equate to bliss. Oneness also means that you take in the world, that you experience its joys, difficulties, and everything in between. That you are, in fact, a fault line for these energies. And this can be difficult.
- Along with the above, people have the belief that they should not react to the difficulties or idiocy of people in this world. I was talking about those morons who took selfies with a dolphin and how it made me feel to a few people last week. Some people are morons. A lot of people are asleep. The love and light movement makes us think that we have to think that everyone is filled with love and light. And while we all are at our core, for many of us it is under layers and layers of trauma, emotion, and difficulties that we are unable to transcend, or do not wish to.
- Simply put, some people are idiots. Some people are filled with hate. Some people are toxic. Some people are selfish. Most people are not able to see beyond their trauma and illusions. Recognizing this doesn’t mean we are judging them (another “love and light” no-no), it means that we recognize where they are. And we can choose to associate with them, we can base our interactions based on their intellect and their relative “awake-ness”.
- Along with the above we can recognize that it is not our job to change them. It is not our job to change anyone who wants to vote for Donald Trump, or who thinks taking a selfie with a dolphin is a valid idea, or even trying to change someone who sends you hate-filled emails based on their inability to take personal responsibility for any of their own emotions.
- I have thought a lot about the concept of the “beginner” because I have had a few people write in to me saying that they enjoyed my blog and were beginners, and they hoped I didn’t think all beginners on their spiritual path acted like some of the people I talk about.
- For the record, I don’t at all. Anyone, no matter where they are on their spiritual path, who is able to sit with the information in this blog (or any information that is out of their comfort zone) and is able to process it, or parts of it… anyone who does not externalize their discomfort of ideas that perhaps question their illusions (like a legendary freak-out from a beginner who told me basically that karma was going to get me because I wrote a blog about how the illusion of being “special” is ultimately an illusion and separates people from moving further on their spiritual path, and how horrible I was to suggest it, along with the basic typical new-ageisms that have been perpetuated for ages about how every truth is valid, etc. etc. I could tell that she was exactly the sort of entitled sort I was talking about, who likely considers herself an “empath” or “starseed” or “indigo” or whatever is popular these days to perpetuate this sort of mythology about themselves… and I could likely write a script for these sorts based off of entitled new-age gobbledygook so they could put even less thought into things) … well my point is that you are not a beginner if you can sit with subjects that I present, or are interested in looking beyond or moving beyond your own beliefs and understandings (whatever they may be in the present moment).
- With the above, conscious people, questioning people, people able to critically think, people willing to take personal responsibility for their emotions instead of flinging them outwards or blaming others… these are rare qualities in this world. And I appreciate anyone who has these qualities, or is working on them.
- It is incredibly rare in this world to awaken. To question. To actually think. I am fortunate that I run across people like this every day. People who are truly changing the world through their own awakening.
- Along the same lines, yes, I do consider myself to have spiritual insight. Yes, I have had odd, incredible, and weird spiritual experiences way beyond what I write about in this blog. No, this does not make me special. No, that does not make me feel superior. But yes, at times my research, decades of study, and decades of experiences do make me know more than some people. When you actually interface with spiritual energies you realize fully that however much you know, you operate a very small place in the Universe. However much you have explored it is likely 1% of the total spiritual reality out there.
- What most often happens is that people have an awakening experience, or two, and get stuck in them. They create all sorts of illusions (and delusions), most often to fuel their ego and its needs to feel superior or special. If you have been around for a while, this sort of info gets a bit tiring.
- A lot of spiritual experiences allow this sort of illusion, and it happens when people are disassociated and traumatized. Spirituality has become escapism, and the suggestion that no matter what experience you have had, no matter what energies that you are dealing with, that becoming embodied and truly dealing with your shit is the route to awakening frightens people.
- Also on the subject of frightening people is the subject of how real spiritual work is. I get quite a few people who want me to tell them that interacting with spirits is safe. That working spiritually is safe. It isn’t. I know how to ward and protect and clear with the best of them, and it is still interacting with other universes, beings, spirits, and energies that are weird, wily, wonderful… and can be dangerous. Just like people and the “concrete” world we all think we are in, we can practice discernment, but suggesting that even everything and everyone in this world could be safe would be ludicrous… as would suggesting the same of the many worlds, dimensions, spirits, beings, and so forth that you might come across when actually dealing with spirits.
- Another note on that subject: I do think it is odd that someone will scream at me when I do spiritual work for a living. I work with curses for a living. I am not a new-ager who thinks that you do not have to know anything about curses to work with them, or that they are “not real” if you simply close your eyes and don’t believe in them. I have studied things like curses for a long time, and probably could name off a good 20-30 of them. I really don’t get why anyone would want to upset someone who does spiritual work for a living. It is not like I would ever do anything because of personal ethics (of course), but I do think that it is odd considering what I work with, and the fact that I have basically spent a long period of time developing spiritual relationships, power, etc and do this work for a living.
- I do realize the above is all predicated on the fact that most people, even those who call themselves “shamans” or energy workers or whatever do not think that anything spiritual is real. The reality of experiencing the spiritual and the difference between intellectualizing it is huge, and most people stay in the “safe” intellectualization and visualization rather than the actual experience of it, because the actuality of it frightens them, even as they sort of dance around exploring it.
- One last note to the above. Part of core shamanism I have been struggling with lately is the fact that it is based in psychology. That, I actually have no problem with. If people want to feel a bit better about themselves and employ some active visualization or whatever to do so, that is wonderful in my book. I have difficulty calling it “spiritual” vs. mental/emotional, but that is a different point. But there is a suggestion that interacting with these different parts of yourself are safe, or that if you visit certain “worlds” that they are safe. There are parts of myself that are distinctly not safe, as with every person that I meet who also has parts of themselves that are not safe. So even that assertion that if you stay within certain arbitrary terrain, or psychological terrain, you will be safe I have difficulty with.
And finally, a few thoughts about my programs and such:
- I have realized that a lot of my courses are fairly advanced and intense. They also take a lot of my energy and time. I enjoy doing them, but I am considering doing courses that are less interactive, or more geared towards beginners (or intermediate or advanced) students who might want to learn a few things and have a forum to interact with without a huge amount of one-on-one time with me. This is still a thought, but it is percolating
- I am not a core shaman. I don’t really understand that structure, quite frankly. I am not saying that to be mean, but I think that I need to be clearer that my programs, ideas, and thoughts come from a place of direct revelation as well as interaction with many different cultures. I had someone freak out at me this week because I have studied Hoodoo. While they were freaking out about biblical references, it is hard to define myself separately in a culture filled to the brim with white “shamans” who are coming from a place of not studying any other cultures, really, or separating out any sort of faith or spirituality from their “technology”. Perhaps I should be clearer about this, so that the sort of latent conquerer mentality as well as latent racism that I occasionally experience from people finding out I have studied from many cultures, not just ones superficially constructed for “white people” will no longer be an issue
- I have also had issues with people accepting that I do not accept all students into my programs. My programs require people to fit specific requirements. I do divination on each student to see if they can be accepted to the program. Some programs, like my clearing course, accept almost anyone. Others, like my three and six month program, I am much more stringent about. In a day and age where people think they can buy anything simply because they want it, it is hard to express that my teachings are transmissions– they are knowledge that not everyone will understand or respect. This is not a superiority thing, by the way, I just like that my teachings go to people who can handle them and can respect them.
- I have realized more and more lately that a fair number of people who are attracted to spiritual work are severely mentally ill and/or deeply traumatized. I do not have any difficulty with this population, but there is a difference between someone who is so severely mentally ill that they are non-functional in their lives (and unable to do any sort of spiritual work) and those who have had trauma and are ready for changes in their lives. Some of the people in this population pin hopes on their issues being spiritual in nature, when in reality they may be better off with medication and/or hospitalization, at least until they are functional. I realize that this is an unpopular opinion, but not everything is spiritual. Not everything can be healed spiritually. There is certainly a fair amount of crossover, and some people who are severely mentally ill are in desperate need of spiritual work, but they need to make sure that they are in the correct place for that. I also need to much more carefully check for this, as some of this is quite obvious, but other times it is a bit hidden. Severe trauma often needs in-person care, at least at first. Basically the difference for me is if someone is ready and able to have changes in their lives. If they are not, or they are so scattered or traumatized that they are nonfunctional in this world, my work is not appropriate for them in most cases.. at least until they are at a point in which any sort of change or idea not to their liking would not freak them out.
- I have struggled a bit with how honest (or blunt) I am at times. Honesty is not always appreciated in this world, and I have had a long line of people trying to silence me because I tend to think a bit differently than people do, or have more of a “trickster” energy in terms of wanting people to question themselves, or questioning subjects. I desperately think that honesty is needed in this realm, however. I wish some of my spiritual teachers had been honest with me when I saw how much pain they were in underneath their masks of perfection, and always appreciated the words of people who speak honestly and are authentic about their path. I also traverse a path of the “Spiritual Warrior” archetype, which has brought a lot to my life, but has also brought me the idea that I cannot discuss myself or any faults or weaknesses I may have for fear of “attack”. I am still very much a work in progress (as we all are, no matter how “awake”) we are and so have decided to continue coming from a place of authenticity.
So I am rethinking about the way I do things, but bottom line is that I will be continuing the blog, and doing more divination on who comes into my programs to make sure that they can handle them. I will also be considering bringing programs out that are less interactive, less intense, and more suitable for beginners or people who just want more basic practices.
Thank you for reading my musings if you got this far… Mary