Monthly Archives: February 2016

On a Personal Note… part 2

So I don’t think that anyone was really holding their breath for this news, but I have decided to continue the blog. I have taken the ability to comment on my posts down, which I think will help. I do like the idea of random people from all over the world being able to find a realistic blog post about Kundalini, or whatever they may be looking for. However, if I continue to have difficulties I will look into some other options, like password protecting the blog or doing a newsletter.

I also want to thank everyone for their lovely thoughts and guidance regarding the subject. It really was very much appreciated during a difficult week (and so thank you again).

Below I will post some random thoughts that came up due to this situation… if you care to read them.

Random Thoughts and Realizations from this Past Week:

  • One of my recognitions was how the subject of “awakening” is presented to the general public. Due in large part to the influence of modern Advaita Vedanta there is this belief that people who are “awake” or “partially awake” or (insert words here) have no emotions. That they are sort of dead from the neck down. That they have “ascended” or whatever beyond their human body. This, in no uncertain terms, is b.s. As long as we are humans we are going to feel. If we break our leg, it is going to feel painful (yes, it might be more bearable to someone who has done Tummo practices for decades, but it still will not be pleasant). If someone flings their emotions towards us we can have the best defenses in the world, or allow for those words to flow through us… but emotions and thoughts are still things. Things that can be joyous as well as unpleasant.
  • What actually happens as you awaken is that you feel more, you experience more. Oneness doesn’t necessarily equate to bliss. Oneness also means that you take in the world, that you experience its joys, difficulties, and everything in between. That you are, in fact, a fault line for these energies. And this can be difficult.
  • Along with the above, people have the belief that they should not react to the difficulties or idiocy of people in this world. I was talking about those morons who took selfies with a dolphin and how it made me feel to a few people last week. Some people are morons. A lot of people are asleep. The love and light movement makes us think that we have to think that everyone is filled with love and light. And while we all are at our core, for many of us it is under layers and layers of trauma, emotion, and difficulties that we are unable to transcend, or do not wish to.
  • Simply put, some people are idiots. Some people are filled with hate. Some people are toxic. Some people are selfish. Most people are not able to see beyond their trauma and illusions. Recognizing this doesn’t mean we are judging them (another “love and light” no-no), it means that we recognize where they are. And we can choose to associate with them, we can base our interactions based on their intellect and their relative “awake-ness”.
  • Along with the above we can recognize that it is not our job to change them. It is not our job to change anyone who wants to vote for Donald Trump, or who thinks taking a selfie with a dolphin is a valid idea, or even trying to change someone who sends you hate-filled emails based on their inability to take personal responsibility for any of their own emotions.
  • I have thought a lot about the concept of the “beginner” because I have had a few people write in to me saying that they enjoyed my blog and were beginners, and they hoped I didn’t think all beginners on their spiritual path acted like some of the people I talk about.
  • For the record, I don’t at all. Anyone, no matter where they are on their spiritual path, who is able to sit with the information in this blog (or any information that is out of their comfort zone) and is able to process it, or parts of it… anyone who does not externalize their discomfort of ideas that perhaps question their illusions (like a legendary freak-out from a beginner who told me basically that karma was going to get me because I wrote a blog about how the illusion of being “special” is ultimately an illusion and separates people from moving further on their spiritual path, and how horrible I was to suggest it, along with the basic typical new-ageisms that have been perpetuated for ages about how every truth is valid, etc. etc. I could tell that she was exactly the sort of entitled sort I was talking about, who likely considers herself an “empath” or “starseed” or “indigo” or whatever is popular these days to perpetuate this sort of mythology about themselves… and I could likely write a script for these sorts based off of entitled new-age gobbledygook so they could put even less thought into things) … well my point is that you are not a beginner if you can sit with subjects that I present, or are interested in looking beyond or moving beyond your own beliefs and understandings (whatever they may be in the present moment).
  • With the above, conscious people, questioning people, people able to critically think, people willing to take personal responsibility for their emotions instead of flinging them outwards or blaming others… these are rare qualities in this world. And I appreciate anyone who has these qualities, or is working on them.
  • It is incredibly rare in this world to awaken. To question. To actually think. I am fortunate that I run across people like this every day. People who are truly changing the world through their own awakening.
  • Along the same lines, yes, I do consider myself to have spiritual insight. Yes, I have had odd, incredible, and weird spiritual experiences way beyond what I write about in this blog. No, this does not make me special. No, that does not make me feel superior. But yes, at times my research, decades of study, and decades of experiences do make me know more than some people. When you actually interface with spiritual energies you realize fully that however much you know, you operate a very small place in the Universe. However much you have explored it is likely 1% of the total spiritual reality out there.
  • What most often happens is that people have an awakening experience, or two, and get stuck in them. They create all sorts of illusions (and delusions), most often to fuel their ego and its needs to feel superior or special. If you have been around for a while, this sort of info gets a bit tiring.
  • A lot of spiritual experiences allow this sort of illusion, and it happens when people are disassociated and traumatized. Spirituality has become escapism, and the suggestion that no matter what experience you have had, no matter what energies that you are dealing with, that becoming embodied and truly dealing with your shit is the route to awakening frightens people.
  • Also on the subject of frightening people is the subject of how real spiritual work is. I get quite a few people who want me to tell them that interacting with spirits is safe. That working spiritually is safe. It isn’t. I know how to ward and protect and clear with the best of them, and it is still interacting with other universes, beings, spirits, and energies that are weird, wily, wonderful… and can be dangerous. Just like people and the “concrete” world we all think we are in, we can practice discernment, but suggesting that even everything and everyone in this world could be safe would be ludicrous… as would suggesting the same of the many worlds, dimensions, spirits, beings, and so forth that you might come across when actually dealing with spirits.
  • Another note on that subject: I do think it is odd that someone will scream at me when I do spiritual work for a living. I work with curses for a living. I am not a new-ager who thinks that you do not have to know anything about curses to work with them, or that they are “not real” if you simply close your eyes and don’t believe in them. I have studied things like curses for a long time, and probably could name off a good 20-30 of them. I really don’t get why anyone would want to upset someone who does spiritual work for a living. It is not like I would ever do anything because of personal ethics (of course), but I do think that it is odd considering what I work with, and the fact that I have basically spent a long period of time developing spiritual relationships, power, etc and do this work for a living.
  • I do realize the above is all predicated on the fact that most people, even those who call themselves “shamans” or energy workers or whatever do not think that anything spiritual is real. The reality of experiencing the spiritual and the difference between intellectualizing it is huge, and most people stay in the “safe” intellectualization and visualization rather than the actual experience of it, because the actuality of it frightens them, even as they sort of dance around exploring it.
  • One last note to the above. Part of core shamanism I have been struggling with lately is the fact that it is based in psychology. That, I actually have no problem with. If people want to feel a bit better about themselves and employ some active visualization or whatever to do so, that is wonderful in my book. I have difficulty calling it “spiritual” vs. mental/emotional, but that is a different point. But there is a suggestion that interacting with these different parts of yourself are safe, or that if you visit certain “worlds” that they are safe. There are parts of myself that are distinctly not safe, as with every person that I meet who also has parts of themselves that are not safe. So even that assertion that if you stay within certain arbitrary terrain, or psychological terrain, you will be safe I have difficulty with.

And finally, a few thoughts about my programs and such:

  • I have realized that a lot of my courses are fairly advanced and intense. They also take a lot of my energy and time. I enjoy doing them, but I am considering doing courses that are less interactive, or more geared towards beginners (or intermediate or advanced) students who might want to learn a few things and have a forum to interact with without a huge amount of one-on-one time with me. This is still a thought, but it is percolating
  • I am not a core shaman. I don’t really understand that structure, quite frankly. I am not saying that to be mean, but I think that I need to be clearer that my programs, ideas, and thoughts come from a place of direct revelation as well as interaction with many different cultures. I had someone freak out at me this week because I have studied Hoodoo. While they were freaking out about biblical references, it is hard to define myself separately in a culture filled to the brim with white “shamans” who are coming from a place of not studying any other cultures, really, or separating out any sort of faith or spirituality from their “technology”. Perhaps I should be clearer about this, so that the sort of latent conquerer mentality as well as latent racism that I occasionally experience from people finding out I have studied from many cultures, not just ones superficially constructed for “white people” will no longer be an issue
  • I have also had issues with people accepting that I do not accept all students into my programs. My programs require people to fit specific requirements. I do divination on each student to see if they can be accepted to the program. Some programs, like my clearing course, accept almost anyone. Others, like my three and six month program, I am much more stringent about. In a day and age where people think they can buy anything simply because they want it, it is hard to express that my teachings are transmissions– they are knowledge that not everyone will understand or respect. This is not a superiority thing, by the way, I just like that my teachings go to people who can handle them and can respect them.
  • I have realized more and more lately that a fair number of people who are attracted to spiritual work are severely mentally ill and/or deeply traumatized. I do not have any difficulty with this population, but there is a difference between someone who is so severely mentally ill that they are non-functional in their lives (and unable to do any sort of spiritual work) and those who have had trauma and are ready for changes in their lives. Some of the people in this population pin hopes on their issues being spiritual in nature, when in reality they may be better off with medication and/or hospitalization, at least until they are functional. I realize that this is an unpopular opinion, but not everything is spiritual. Not everything can be healed spiritually. There is certainly a fair amount of crossover, and some people who are severely mentally ill are in desperate need of spiritual work, but they need to make sure that they are in the correct place for that. I also need to much more carefully check for this, as some of this is quite obvious, but other times it is a bit hidden. Severe trauma often needs in-person care, at least at first. Basically the difference for me is if someone is ready and able to have changes in their lives. If they are not, or they are so scattered or traumatized that they are nonfunctional in this world, my work is not appropriate for them in most cases.. at least until they are at a point in which any sort of change or idea not to their liking would not freak them out.
  • I have struggled a bit with how honest (or blunt) I am at times. Honesty is not always appreciated in this world, and I have had a long line of people trying to silence me because I tend to think a bit differently than people do, or have more of a “trickster” energy in terms of wanting people to question themselves, or questioning subjects. I desperately think that honesty is needed in this realm, however. I wish some of my spiritual teachers had been honest with me when I saw how much pain they were in underneath their masks of perfection, and always appreciated the words of people who speak honestly and are authentic about their path. I also traverse a path of the “Spiritual Warrior” archetype, which has brought a lot to my life, but has also brought me the idea that I cannot discuss myself or any faults or weaknesses I may have for fear of “attack”. I am still very much a work in progress (as we all are, no matter how “awake”) we are and so have decided to continue coming from a place of authenticity.

So I am rethinking about the way I do things, but bottom line is that I will be continuing the blog, and doing more divination on who comes into my programs to make sure that they can handle them. I will also be considering bringing programs out that are less interactive, less intense, and more suitable for beginners or people who just want more basic practices.

Thank you for reading my musings if you got this far… Mary

On a Personal Note…

When I was in my early twenties and first suspecting that I was experiencing a Kundalini awakening, I looked everywhere for information. I do not know how many hours I spent looking through resources online (as well as books, and so forth) but I had to wade through so much misinformation, sheer idiocy, and a lot of b.s. until I found a site that resonated with me.

This site had a message board for people experiencing Kundalini. It was run by Bob, who was a nice man who had experienced a Kundalini awakening himself, and in his spare time (he was a computer programmer by trade) decided to program and run this resource for others.

This message board was immensely helpful for me. It allowed for me for the first time to connect with others who were truly having Kundalini experiences and awakenings. I was in a huge state of fear as well as disbelief at that point (who in the modern day has a Kundalini awakening? I thought to myself) and connecting to people who were having similar experiences, who could commiserate or help me manage my experiences a bit better, allowed for me for a few years to traverse my experiences a lot better and not feel so isolated.

After a few years, as the message board got more popular, it started to be inundated by people who were either seekers, and others who maybe had experienced the energy once (a stirring of it, basically). These sorts were generally fine, and people would mostly nicely answer their questions. But then the religious zealots and the intellectual types came. These were people who decided that they were going to tell everyone that they needed to strictly adhere to their beliefs and their understandings of the energy, and generally were a big pain in the butt for anyone genuinely seeking.

Simply put, the website was not intended for them, or even for the aspirational types, but due to it being online, as well as its increased popularity, people like that found the site and ruined it. Bob got understandably tired of running the site (both practically and logistically as well as emotionally I am sure) and shut it down. Although I understood, at the time it was a huge loss for me.

Recently I have been noticing that I have been having a parallel experience as Bob. I started this blog because in my journey it has been my experience that few spiritual teachers or simply just spiritual people talk about certain ideas and experiences. I am realizing more and more why this is as this blog continues, unfortunately.

As the popularity (well, as it is) of this blog has taken off, it has veered away from its core audience, much in the way that Bob’s site did. The intent of this blog was for an audience of people who were distinctly not beginners in their spiritual path. For people who could sit with realizations and subject matter about race, culture, social constructs, and spiritual beliefs… and for people who were at a point in their journey where they could possibly use the information I provide as a catalyst to their own process, or simply to realize that there are other people out there who are not on the surface levels of their spiritual path.

But as it happens, the same parallel experience has been happening to me. People who are beginners on their path, people who are unable to critically think or sit with at times uncomfortable thoughts send me rage-filled emails, blaming me for their discomfort, calling me all sorts of names the way that only people with an unprocessed fountain of emotions within themselves can… unable to see the irony of whatever they are calling me really comes from themselves, and how they are and who they are in this world.

The internet allows for us to show ourselves without filter. Unfortunately this means for most people that they can berate others, bully, and be obnoxious. They can show their shadows, basically. They can show every unprocessed piece of unhappiness and difficulty in their existence to the world. And they do this with fake names to shield themselves and so they can vent outwards their inner pain without ever taking personal responsibility for it.

I am distinctly human, and the types of emails and notes from these types have been wearing on me. I do wish there were some way to put on the site that my blogs are for people willing and able to look beyond where they might currently be. That it is not a blog for beginners, or for people who cling to notions of “being special”, or do not want to look at constructs and illusions that inform them and create their reality.

I wish I could share with these people that when people read material that is beyond their understanding level, they have a choice. They can either sit with it (and reject it or accept it partially or fully)… or they can protect themselves– becoming angry, fearful, or filled with rage so they don’t have to think about it. I wish I could let them know, and actually have them hear, that their outward projection of whatever it is they see is really within themselves… and if they project things outwards (like on the writer of a blog) that they don’t have to take personal responsibility for things, they don’t have to look at why they are so angry and fearful and isolated, or deal with the discomfort that thoughts or writings that strike a chord with them create.

But unfortunately this is not a possibility. I have compassion for the beginner. There is a group I am in right now that I am a beginner in, and I find myself in that state of cognitive dissonance. My eyes sort of glaze over information that is beyond me, and I can read whole threads without understanding much of what is going on. I don’t get angry or rage or become afraid because of new, mind-expanding or uncomfortable information, but that eye glaze and inability to process things is certainly there.

But in reality the whole world is constructed for that beginner spiritual seeker. 99 percent of the books and most of the spiritual communities are intended for the beginner. Most spiritual workshops are as well. There are a wide variety of wonderful healers and spiritual workers and energy workers that are intended for that audience. Unfortunately the beginner who is at point A, B, or C always wants to be advanced yesterday. They want to look at information or do work at Z, or Q, without doing anything with the rest of the alphabet. And they are not able to. And then more cognitive dissonance comes in, with that type sending me nasty thoughts and emails because they don’t understand something, or are blocking themselves from understanding something, or because the blog allowed for them to briefly consider something within themselves… briefly sit with that fountain of unprocessed pain… and they chose to close off as a protective mechanism instead of do work with it.

For people like this, the sort of play-acting of spiritual awakening is much more exciting than the actuality of it. Because the actuality of it is that the path requires you to look inward, to reconcile thoughts and ideas that may be uncomfortable. And most people would rather soothe themselves back to sleep through blaming others rather than taking any sort of responsibility for themselves, their emotions, or their unprocessed traumas that color and create their world.

For the past six months or so I have been going through a new phase with my Kundalini awakening… a resurgence if you will. It has been both difficult and awe-inspiring in many ways. But the single-most thing that has been emerging from this time has been the importance of focus. I take a great deal of time and care with my blogs. In the past, I have considered how I talk so freely about advanced spiritual subjects– subjects that perhaps I should not. I posted a quote from Jung on my Facebook page the other day: “the tendency to keep things secret is merely a natural consequence when the experience is such a thing as you had better not talk about it, for you would expose yourself to the greatest misunderstanding and misinterpretation.” I find this quote to be absolutely true. Basically, I have not only put time into writing the actual blogs themselves, but I have freely shared information and insights that it has taken me decades of meditation, spiritual initiations, and likewise to come upon.

And perhaps my focus should be elsewhere. I am human, and the frustrated beginners do have an effect on me. I get a bit tired of their unprocessed issues, and it has unfortunately gotten to a point where I feel as if I have shared freely topics that not many spiritual experiencers discuss (and again, this is likely part of the reason), and have been met with a lot of abuse from people who would be much better off with information that is more comfortable to them so they can maintain their illusions and not have to question them. I do realize that there are many lovely people who read this blog, people who are willing and able to look at those dark places within themselves, to understand and work below the surface level that so many people are stuck (or want to be stuck) at, and I thank you all dear souls who have written me notes, told me about similar experiences they have had, or have bought my books or worked with me.

It is a rare thing in this world for people to actually awaken. For people to go beyond their illusions. People ready and able to take personal responsibility for not only their own process but what they put out into the world. I deeply admire anyone willing to do this, as it is incredibly rare, and the whole world benefits (really, and truly) from you doing so.

It is unfortunate that a few bad apples have spoiled the bunch, but they have. I will be spending a few weeks considering what to do about this blog– if I want to continue it, if I want to start censoring myself, if I want to share freely just to be met with continual abuse from people unwilling to look inward who wish to project their issues onto me. I will sit with this in meditation as well as process it with one of my teachers (who actually told me in the first place that he is not online and doesn’t participate in spiritual groups for a reason) to see where I want my focus to be. I will write a blog announcing my decision, but if you have enjoyed this blog, I encourage you over the next few weeks to go through and read anything, or to copy anything (please attribute to me if used, of course) that you may wish to ensure that that you, the “good apples” get what you need.

Much love, Mary

Self Created vs. Actual Spirits Part Two

I have been taking a break to wrap my head around edits for my new book (sorry to those of you who wrote me asking when part two of this blog will come out) but I am now able to write part two of this blog. For part one you can click here

So in brief this blog is exploring the continuum of spirits– from really, really self-created (hey, I really like puppies so a puppy will be my spirit animal) to actual, meaning, externalized spirits. In part one I talked about how spirits (at least in my perception) are on sort of a continuum from self-created to actual, meaning that there is a whole lot in between. Again, read part one for the first part of that continuum…

And I will repeat that you really need a good teacher to teach you spiritual discernment, basically so you know who or what you are talking to. As a spiritual practitioner I have seen so many people have “spirit guides” that tell them they are Jesus or the greatest thing on Earth that are not really anything that people should want to talk to. Sometimes these people turn into gurus and spiritual teachers. But that is another blog, I suppose.

So here we go again…

Category #5: Ancestors
Ancestors are one of those categories that is both internal and external. They are a pivot point, basically. In many spiritual traditions, including my own, the energy and essence of your ancestors flows through your bloodstream. You can talk about this on a practical level in terms of DNA, genetics, and so forth. But ancestors are also external– meaning that they can act separately from you, have separate personalities, interests, beliefs, and so forth.

For example, I talk to people a fair amount who are very spiritually aware (enough to sense their ancestors) whose ancestors were deeply religious. They want the person to go to church. The fact that the person doesn’t go to church makes their ancestors disapprove, which causes a sort of stagnant energy in the field of the person in question.

There is no way that I can stress the importance enough of people knowing how to access and work with their ancestors. Our ancestors can protect, provide guidance the way only an elder would, and are concerned with our lives the way that most spirits are not. They also understand and can work with energies that are more “mundane” such as money, job/career, romance, and such that most spirits either don’t have an interest in or don’t understand their importance.

Most spirits, by the way, don’t really care that much about us. This is one of those bigger “self-created vs. actual” things. A lot of spirits may be interested in our power, our capabilities, our capacity to hold their energy. But most don’t really care too much about us, or our human lives, because especially when you are talking about the further categories (later on in this blog) a lot of what we as humans care about is fairly silly and inconsequential.

So I am a huge proponent of ancestral work. Of not only healing ancestral trauma (of which all of us have a lot) but also learning the strengths of our ancestors and carrying them forward into our existence as a part of us (the whole internal/external thing).

So how do we know we are in contact with our ancestors? This is one of those categories where we really start to feel power, a presence separate from us. Power is palpable; spiritual presences if they are separate from us are palpable. We will feel chills, energy surges, sense something in the room, as well as in this category… a sense of connection to the Self, to who we truly are… to our ancestry and ancestral line that is a type of power and strength that when done right, when done well, is incomparable and somewhat indescribable (sorry).

But, basically, if you have contacted your ancestors truly you will know. They will speak through you, you will begin to understand and know your own power in a way that few people do. You will feel strong, and protected by them.

Category #6 Former Humans and Such (Lower Level)
So I will not go through all the categories of spirits, and arguably this should be in a “lower” category, but there are spirits out there. Dead people (or former humans, as I refer to them). Ones that are separate from you. There are a lot of them. Every house, every land I have been on has spirits of varying sorts (don’t tell this to those Ghost Hunter guys, though). Most of us just don’t notice them. Most of us get freaked out by the thought of spirits, even if we are interested in spiritual work.

But they are there, and they are plentiful. Most former humans don’t have much power. They are just there because they didn’t properly “move on”. They are in the etheric realm (mostly) which is one sort of layer removed from crass physical reality so a fair amount of psychics can see or sense them, or some of them. Some of them are angrier, or have figured out the etheric or astral realms a bit, so they know how to make an impression on physical reality. But most of them don’t. So largely we just get a sense of something there, and that is about it for this category.

Also in this category are elementals and elements. Some of these are “higher level” which will be talked about, but most elementals, beings, and spirits of varying sorts don’t have the power and know-how to really get through to us. We are too dense, and we (pardon my language) make too much shit up. So what happens to most “spiritual” sorts is that they actually sense something (like a former human, or an elemental) and they put on all of their ideas, thoughts, and wants onto that spirit/being. This makes it hard for the spirit to actually come through properly, and cuts down on their power. Some spirits in fact realize this and come through at diminished capacity to sort of nurse you up until you can handle a real spirit, one not of your own imagination; one that does not contain your hopes, dreams, and cosmologies.

But generally for this category you will just sense something there, and possibly get an intuitive sense that it is a spirit or similar. No real surge of energy, maybe some chills, but nothing really that will stand out to you other than intuitive impression (unless you have developed some skills to clue in/work with energies like this).

Category #7: Collective Consciousness B
So I separate collective consciousness into two units. The first (group A) are symbols that we personally find interesting, or gravitate towards because of how we relate to them psychologically. As I also talked about, even that is an inner and outer category because we have been taught by a culture who has already deemed certain symbols culturally relevant, and so our subconscious speaks to us through this type of language to allow for us to follow a spiritual path, and to know that basically spiritually as well as on a mundane level things are “in line”.

But collective consciousness is also a field of energy. It is also composed of specific historical figures, angels, deities, demons, mythic figures, “ascended masters” and so forth that show up not because you are interested in them (i.e. the I love Marilyn Monroe so she is coming to be my spirit guide sort of ideology) but because they are simply present in collective consciousness. One of my main spirit guides I had no idea who she was until I looked her up, and this is common for when people reach this category of consciousness.

Collective consciousness is also a field of energy that you can interact with as a whole. Complicated to explain, but true. Our whole history, past, present, and even future is part of the collective grid, and this grid can be accessed, visited, and worked with.

Working with the grid or even finding it is typically a bit of a mind-fuck (again, pardon my language). It will result in a huge power surge through you. Most people I have talked to (not that many, probably under twenty or so over the years) who have accessed it have been burned out for days after from the energy, as well as have had power surges in their environment. Your eyes and the light in them will also change after making contact with this energy.

Collective consciousness as an aspect still carries power and a lot of wisdom. Again, as a separate energy these will be ideas that will not be your own– you may be drawn to study what they studied, have your interests change, and be able to access someone who has a completely different and expanded view of life than you. And, frequently, they will speak differently than you.

It should be stated that although figures from collective consciousness can have caring for an individual that they are teaching (because this is their role, basically… either that or to transmit their work through someone, which also happens at this level) it has strong boundaries to it. They will not cuddle and tell you how great you are, basically. They will often put you through initiations to see if you are worthy of their time. They will visit in dreams. They will challenge you and your ideas, or call you out when you are being stupid. Any teacher from this category, even if they are love themselves, will challenge and cause a bit of chaos for you so you can learn, so you can grow.

Category #8 : Elevated Spirits
So arguably this is part of the collective consciousness category, but certain spirits, beings, deities, ancestors, and so forth are here and are considered “elevated”, basically meaning that they have the energy and know-how to not only affect physical reality but also have a lot of their own power to make a considerable mark on it.

This also means that these energies are “healed”, basically meaning that they no longer have the sort of trauma or difficulties that a lot of spirits do. They may still be jealous, proud, mean, lovely, and everything in between, but that is part of their true nature. They no longer have the sort of human-ish foibles, emotions, and vendettas that we all would recognize.

Most of these spirits are elevated because they have a role to do. Basically, they are the teachers and types of spiritual energies that can interact with powerful spiritual workers, or those on a deep spiritual path. These, of course, are the ones who do interact with humans. There are a wide variety of spirits, deities, and beings out there who really don’t care about humanity, and don’t really want much to do with us (I very much understand their mentality on this, by the way).

These energies are powerful. As in if one runs through you you won’t sleep for days powerful. Heightened energy, huge flows and rushes of energy, blacking out– these are all things that happen if an energy like this comes into your physical form. Even if these presences are simply near you you will get a huge rush of energy. Most of these energies do not communicate in words but in states of felt sense (feelings in your body) as well as sudden shifts in knowing that you will experience. If you think you have an Archangel chatting with you and it is speaking to you like your girlfriend would and you don’t change in any way philosophically after the discussion.. if you cannot feel a palpable huge shift in power… you likely have your answer about your Archangel presence and if it is self-created or not.

Category #9 ET’s
I will not spend a huge amount of time discussing this category, because it is a tough category to chat about. Partially because people have enough cognitive dissonance with this subject (there are reasons for that, but whatever) that they reject any thought of this subject; or because there are enough silly conspiracy theories and mentally ill people (who may or may not have actually had contact, or have it be a psychological construct to explain something deeply traumatic in their lives) that most people who have actually had contact, or understand this category, don’t want to talk about it.

But ET”s are another palpable presence– one that have an energy so different from our own that it, at first at least, causes physical issues to the experiencer. Headaches, ear ringing, bad dreams, nervous system being on high alert, a sense of something really odd going on. Due to the energy of ET’s not being congruent with our own, they do not “mesh” with our energetic systems and cause a lot of disruption, basically.

Category #10 Spiritual Constructs: The Void, Abyss, Bottom of the Ocean and Parallel Worlds
So I recognize that this is a discussion about spirits, but this list would not be complete without discussing the influence of “places”– meaning actual places in the spiritual landscape that some people come upon. If you self-create these worlds it is like any sort of play-acting, you create an illusion, a movie, that will cast you as the protagonist where you come across helping teachers, animals, and so forth, and learn a little something or other.

But there are actual, spiritual worlds out there. I work with people a fair amount who get lost in the Abyss, or after an Ayahuasca ceremony (and the haven’t felt right for months or years) realize that they are someplace else/ that they have split off. But the main criteria for this is the realization that you aren’t the protagonist in these worlds. You are simply there, sometimes stuck, sometimes not. It is like visiting New Orleans. Simply because you are there doesn’ t mean everything in New Orleans is about you.

If you are able to visit these places they are deeply mind-expanding, frequently challenging, and often an initiation in and of themselves. I do not mean to state that all spiritual work is difficult, but most real spiritual contact is challenging, it will test you, you will learn and grow. This is another one of those “am I being contacted or actually going somewhere?” questions that I would supply this answer with. If you are only hearing what you want, creating worlds and animals and are still in the same place mentally, emotionally, and spiritually after doing so… chances are it is not an external spiritual experience (or even an internal one, as our internal landscape is often challenging as well).

Category #11: Flow
So I will have this be the last category, even though I could have separated out a lot of things a bit more (especially collective consciousness B into separate angels, demons, deities, and so forth), but the last interface and most external spiritual construct you can come across is flow.

The irony here, which I hope you will appreciate after reading this list… is that true divine flow allows for you to recognize that everything is inner and outer at the same time. That we are both separate as well as part of divine flow. A drop in the ocean, and the ocean in the drop, as the saying goes.

But what this does not mean is that everything is a psychological construct of us. That is too simplistic of a thought, and a huge misunderstanding of the basic nature of oneness. And again, if anyone thinks that they can deal with a destructive spirit simply by thinking good thoughts or taking care of themselves psychologically, or whispering some Ho’oponopono to them, be my guest. If you have worked with spirits full time for five to ten years or more and still feel this way, and have also studied ideas and with cultures not your own (basically not just interacting with new-agers and neo-shamans) and still feel the same way, please contact me.

But the highest form of spirit contact is a flow state. Of being a gateway to flow. Of allowing for yourself to recognize it and flow from you and through you into the world. Most people are too obstructed to do this. They have too much trauma, too many ideas about themselves, to be the sort of “hollow bone” that divinity can pour through. And a lot of people want to move to this state, or working with some of the “higher” spirits without recognizing and working with any of the lower ones. Some people have the knack to do this (a complicated topic) but many do not. They just want to do the brightest, shiniest thing. They want to learn calculus without learning addition. So they never gain the knowledge, power, or ability to really be in a flow state, or to interface with it.

But even those of us who still have trauma, still cannot be fully “flowing” can allow for ourselves to access this in part. The more that we recognize the spark of our own divinity, even allowing a trickle of divinity to flow through us… it will change our existence. It will break through the ego and the b.s. and the illusions and allow for you to begin to access your own power. Just don’t forget to learn how to do addition before you try to learn calculus.

Spiritual Advice: Self Created vs. Actual Spirits part one

So I realize that I talk a lot about self-creation vs. actual experiences, and the fact that I have not done a blog singularly focused on that has caused for a lot of people to contact me to ask how they can tell. Basically, I have an inbox filled with questions like “how do I know if my spirits are real?” and helpful advice occasionally from new-agers like “but everything is one” whenever I write a blog about working with spirits, curses, and so forth.

My advice in general to people who think that they can resolve spiritual issues, such as a darker presence attached to them, or in their house, through thinking of it as being a part of themselves, is to do spiritual work with these population (whether it be with spirits, or curses, or whatever) for 5-10 years full-time and to study with some non-white or non-new-agey people (basically) and to get back to me if their thoughts have changed once they are no longer within the safety net of their intellectualized sanitized spirituality. But I digress…

Here is a somewhat common letter that I receive as to the self-created thing:
There’s a common theme that you have talked about that I would love some clarification with if you can spare it. You write about in spiritual work the importance of discerning between self created spirits and actual spirits, journeying to self created worlds as opposed to real worlds, communicating with random dead people versus Angels, etc Also you’ve spoke about the importance of developing a relationship with your actual spirit guides versus random spirits and the importance of developing a relationship with your ancestors who are already a part of you and connecting to them will empower you but also that sometimes people will have a spirit attached to them that are their dead relatives/ ancestors.

So how do you tell the difference?”- Heather

So in some ways I hesitate to write about this because of a few factors. The first, and the largest, is that people are only ready for what they are ready for. Meaning that if you have had any experience with an energy outside of yourself, most people will know it. It actually will be fairly obvious to people, especially if they are dealing with anything powerful. But in cases of things “not powerful” or more attuned to our vibration/reality (such as former humans/dead people) it can be tricky to discern.

The second reason I have hesitated to write about this fully is the fact that you really need a teacher to individually teach you spiritual discernment. This means that I can give very general guidelines, but in order to cultivate a relationship with something outside of yourself it takes time, and it takes know-how. And quite honestly, it takes a teacher to check in on you to tell you if what you are interacting with is what it says it is, if you are self-creating, and the basic skills to show you individually a “doorway in” to the spirit realms.

I do not say this because I am a spiritual teacher, by the way, I am saying this because it is what is necessary to really know what you are doing in terms of working with any type of spirit. But I do recognize that most “spirit work” has become really psychologically focused, and most “spiritual teachers” don’t have these tools, and a lot of them don’t know what or who they are working with either.

It is one of the detriments of the new-age pop-psychology type “shamanism” that has cast a sort of safety net over this discussion so it simply isn’t had. Because if this discussion is had, it means that the spiritual realms are not safe. If the spiritual realms are not safe (or not separate) it means that an organization or teacher teaching a weekend course has to think about the inherent dangers and difficulties of teaching a bunch of students how to become a “shaman” when neither the student nor the teacher have time or availability to talk about discernment beyond “lower world” and “higher world” being good, and everything else (laughably meaning our world, our physical bodies, and so forth) being “bad” or “not safe”… which essentially means that the student is “in the clear” everyplace else. Honestly, most of the teachers and students who are supposedly “Shamans” are either assuming that most students are self-creating, or they simply are not spiritual workers and do not believe in spirits beyond them being an internal, psychological concept.

But back to the question (or questions). I will attempt to keep a complex subject like this simple. But in reality spirits are on a sort of continuum from self-created to real. They are not just either/or, basically. So I will talk about the basic categories of spirits and generally how they act from most self-created to most not-self created. But again, my caveat stands. It really requires a spiritual teacher to not only check up on you, but also to teach you how to find and work with things on the “not” self-created end of the spectrum. Basically, you need a doorway in. And if you are naturally spiritually aware, you need to learn how to properly discern what you are working with as well.

So category #1 Really, Really Self-Created
“Spirits” in this category (really, really self-created) typically come from people reading an article or something about power animals or something about a goddess or deity or demon (or insert whatever being here) and deciding that is what they want. They really like cats, so they must have a cat “spirit animal.” They have learned Native Americans are really “spiritual” so they self-create a Native American “Shaman” to guide them (even though said person self-creating is not Native American).

The “spirits” in this category are really hollow, and straight out of the intellectual/mental aspect of yourself. Typically someone finds wolves fluffy, so they create one to hang around. These spirits don’t do anything, don’t really say anything, don’t interact, and aren’t capable of really doing much of anything. In fact, most of these “spirits” are a one time hollow sort of deal. You have a fleeting interest in Kali Ma, or Hecate, or whatever the flavor of the month is, or whatever you read about in your spirit animal book, and then the spirit is gone when your interest (as it invariable does) moves on to the next spiritual fad.

Category #2 Self-created (Psychological)
So the category that most people experience is this one. This is where we self-create, but our creation is able to interact, basically. This is because it is a part of ourselves, a part of our psyche, or more basically… a part of our subconscious. Something below our every-day reality that we are not aware of basically tells us about ourselves. These “spirits” tell us what we want to know, will offer advice from a deeper place of knowing inside ourselves.

While these “spirits” are not quite as flat as category #1, they still have little personality, have no desires of their own, always show up when you want them to (like, immediately, they are at your beck and call), are never angry, upset, never tell you anything you don’t want to hear, and so forth. They still tend to be “appealing” things, meaning that there are lots and lots of people out there with “Native American” spirit guides supposedly from some other era, but they speak and talk and communicate to you exactly as you would to yourself.

Let me make this simpler. If you are talking to a rock (like a boulder) if it is self-created it will communicate like you do. It will speak in ways that you readily understand. If you are one of those “mystical” types, it will speak in poetry to you– poetry that is likely made up of the same new-age gobbledy-gook that is so readily available everywhere.

In my experience, if you are actually talking to a rock, it speaks like a rock. It might not have much to say, it might not be terribly intelligent. It might just wait to see if you will go away so it can go back to chilling out. Funny story– the first time I went up to a tree (I was maybe about ten) and asked for it to be my teacher it said a resounding “no”. This still makes me laugh to this day, as I can now see what this wise birch tree probably thought about an idiot ten year old going up to it with no offerings, nothing to offer of herself even, wanting for this tree to teach her.

So to sum up, this is the most common category. These “spirits” will have no power (we will talk about this later), will speak, act, think, and be just like you (someone from the 1800’s isn’t going to talk like you, neither is a rock, or a coyote, or Durga, or whomever), will say whatever you want to hear, and won’t really have much insight. However the most important part of this is that these “spirits” are one-dimensional. They have no to very little personality, and they are basically the indentured servants or slaves of the “shaman”– always at their beck and call immediately, don’t ask for anything in return. You also will not feel any power from them, and they will typically help you understand yourself a bit better, but beyond giving you access to your subconscious, don’t do much.

Category #3 Parts of Yourself
So you can read my last blog, but we like to think of ourselves as one solid, dominant person and personality. 
What we are is a variety of energies, from infant self to male to female to whatever you can think of. This category only typically comes up as someone has done a whole lot of healing and self-awareness work (which means, not very often. Sigh).

So I will not go into great depths about this, but basically we can work with the male aspects of ourselves as a female, our inner teenager, or really the multitude of personalities and “selves” that are within us. These have power (some, they are basically linking our energy together, or allowing us access to our own power, which most people do not have), they have distinct personalities, and they can offer healing to us. But as this is not a common category for people to be aware of, I will move on.

Category #4 Collective Consciousness A
So this can be a difficult category to talk about, but I will do so briefly. For more information, you can read my book The Spiritual Awakening Guide and read all about archetypes and mythic influences, and how we as a society, culture, religion, and so forth basically create the world.

But this is the first category that is really “outside” of ourselves. Basically we are logging into the group mind. First, we typically are accessing common symbols, celebrities, and so forth that have a meaning in our outer culture. Since these are symbols, they don’t have a lot of power. Again, there is not much personality here beyond what we expect them to have. These symbols are personally reflective of us, our lives, and show us that the spiritual is not “out there”. This is where people start to have synchronicities, see repeating numbers on the clock (although funny enough, we check our phones so much that most people this is just a result of them checking their cell phone 3,000 times a day than anything spiritual).

But again, these symbols can allow us to gain access to our own power. They also are the first thing “outside” of ourselves, so we are able to connect and work with the symbols that are important for someone else as well. This is how most “Shamans” work, through symbols, through the connections we have through collective consciousness at this level. This is, of course, if they are relatively well versed and are not in category #1 or #2.

But this category, although it is about collective conditioning and the collective web, still is on the level of human consciousness. Meaning that it is largely mental and symbolic healing, and not accessing anything beyond story, myth, or thought. This, of course, can be powerful, but it is not working with spirits. It is working with the symbols and patterns and stories, as well as our connection to one another.

In the next blog I will talk about the next categories of spirits, and spiritual consciousness… (stay tuned).

The Mothering Wound and the Infant Self

baby-17361_1280Most of us are walking around believing that we are one primary personality, one person within the context of a human form. But this is a false construct– we are actually composed of many different selves. Some of these selves are former versions of us within the context of this lifetime- an infant self, a six year old self, a teenager self, and so forth…

Some of these selves are quite different. A woman will have an inner male self, for example. A devout Christian a self that is self-destructive and likes anarchy. We all have selves that have different personalities, sexes, races, and cultures… as well as different needs.

Although I realize the above is a complex subject, we can think of ourselves as a dominant personality, our outer personality… and then a crowd of sub-personalities and selves that have a wide range of beliefs, desires, and feelings about varying subjects.

The difficulty of this, however, is that we really like the idea of the constancy of self, and can get quite judgmental about our other “selves”. If we, for example, are a new-age “love and light-er” and we run across a self that is dark, primal, and sexually driven, we are not likely to welcome that self as a part of us. 

Likewise, we may be a woman who has had to take on the male warrior personality, and so we may not feel it is safe to be feminine, or express femininity because we no longer believe ourselves capable of being soft, nurturing, and yielding (the energetic principles of the feminine).

Although this can be a long subject to discuss, I will focus on a particular theme that emerges here… that of the wounded infant personality and the mother.

As mentioned, we are all a mix of different personalities, but we are also a mix of different “stops” in our own timeline. Although time is not linear, for the sake of expressing this sentiment I will express it as such. If we are to consider our timeline as a simple rope– from in utero to our current self/time– we would have different “knots” at ages in which we experienced trauma, or our needs were not met. We tend to have a lot of these from when we were quite young– such as in infancy. We also tend to have a lot of these in our teenager years, as well… but they can be from any age. Any age where you did not have health, happiness, and your needs met is acting as a separate “self” within you. 

As you can imagine, this is a lot of Selves.

The difficulty of this is that most of us do not act as our current age, our current adult self. We act from the place of the wounded infant who did not get its needs met. We act from the place of the stubborn teenager, defying authority. We act from a place of a younger self– wounded and in pain. Most of us are simply not conscious (or adult enough, as the case may be) to realize that we are acting from a place that is much younger than our current years.

This is quite evident in the outer world, by the way. Although there are different patterns at play, the need for celebrity gossip, the tearing down of everyone and everything on the internet, the abuse we feel that we can shower on one another… this is all coming from an infant self screaming out in pain. Last week I wrote about a woman who contacted me who was throwing a temper tantrum through her infant self. This pattern is obvious in individuals, and the world at large. Once we become aware of this pattern it is readily seeable in others, and since it is really widespread (it is a huge, common pattern) we can understand a lot about the world and the people in it by doing so.

Most of us are not conscious of the fact that we react in a stagnated infancy to the world around us. If we were to have the proper amount of nourishment, love, and support that we needed in utero and through our formative years (basically from birth through about age six) we would not have a “knot” in our life line, and we would not have a separated infant self to contend with.

Similarly, if we experienced a formative “knot” in our infant selves, this means that we also formed a knot, or to throw in some other imagery, that we have separated ourselves from the web of life. We are intended to be supported by others, to be nurtured by one another. If we experienced a mothering wound in which our mother was simply not available to us, or was unable to provide the nourishment and love that we needed as an infant, we not only stagnate in that place, but we remove ourselves from the capacity to experience that web of life.

I will explain a bit more simply. Basically what I am saying is that our mother on a spiritual level shows us the energetics of the world. If she was not present, not supportive, or was someone who “took” instead of “gave” for whatever reason, the infant reacts, not only stagnating in that infancy (likely for the rest of its life. unfortunately), but also constructs the belief that the world is an exact mirror of its relationship to its mother. 

This means that for those of us who have experienced this mother wound (and there are so many who have) that we do not believe that the world at large can support and nurture us.

baby-215867_1280But this pattern then also extends into two themes on the part of the stagnated infant:

Pattern #1 is the infant looking for the rest of its life for a new mother, essentially for someone to take care of it. It will only find the representation of its mother, though, and will bounce from relationship to relationship, until this wound is healed. This is a big pattern in the spiritual community, by the way… A lot of people seeking gurus are acting from the wounded infant place, and will find gurus/teachers who also have this same pattern… who will be more than happy to further to act the part of the mother. This doesn’t heal anything, by the way, it tends to further stagnate the infant pattern, so that the adult self never grows but constantly looks for the next source of mothering

The second really common pattern is an eschewing of any sort of perceived authority, such as teachers, gurus, or anyone that could possibly nurture or support. This infant is so hurt and stuck in its beliefs that the world is a place that cannot nurture it, that it refuses or is too stubborn to see sources of nurturing energy in the world. This infant will also have other “selves” that support this theory, such as people who have had bad experiences with other teachers. And while I am the first to admit that there are some wounded (or just plain stupid, terrible, or infantile- as in what we are talking about) teachers out there, this pattern tends to manifest in a way in which all teachings are rejected, all teachers are rejected, and the infantile self screams out about any perceived flaw in a teacher or organization as a way to back away from the nurturing that it so desperately needs.

In both cases, the infant is really looking to heal, and to feel support. But it may not feel safe to do so. It also may be so far back in the subconscious that the conscious adult does not wish to look at it or understand it, or may not have the tools to do so.

To work with this infant is not to brush it aside, or to tell it how silly or stupid it is. It is not to suggest to yourself that this infant self and its needs are wrong because you are an adult now.

To realize this infant is an act of courage. It is rare that someone will want to look at themselves and realize that they are acting, or reacting, to the world in such a way that expresses this wound. This wound can be healed. When this wound is healed, the entire matrix, or belief system (or web, if we are going back to the prior imagery) can be rewoven and worked with so that the adult Self, as well as many of the other Selves within the adult, can accept nurturing from the world in an appropriate way.

It is by being compassionate towards this infantile self and its mothering wound that we can understand its needs. By understanding its needs, receiving healing for this wound, and the re-hooking back up to the world in that state (as an infant, or in utero) we can experience the world as a place that can be nurturing towards us, and we can stop acting out the wounds of the infant in our daily lives and interactions.

We can become integrated, or in touch with our different selves. We can accept them, love them, and give them what we need instead of pretending they do not exist, or chastising ourselves (or them) that we have parts of ourselves that want different things. As we understand our “selves” we become coherent, clear, and cohesive. We transcend having so many different multiple parts and just accept ourselves, even if we have completely contrary instincts and realizations at the same time. We become light, and as complex and multi-faceted as we allow ourselves to be. We are not just one thing, or one personality, or one urge. The more of our “selves” we accept, the more we can accept ourselves with the complexity that we deserve.

If you are interested in working with this concept in a healing session, you can contact me. I offer Skype/phone sessions worldwide to people who I can be of assistance to (I check first to make sure I can be). You can read more about spiritual healing sessions here as well