Monthly Archives: April 2015

Kundalini, Spiritual Awakening, and Control

One of the most difficult aspects of Kundalini awakening, or really any spiritual awakening, is reconciling the idea of control.

When we are still asleep we think that we are in control of much of our lives. Many spiritual communities and new-agers constantly speak of how “in control” we are– in fact, everything is a reflection of us and we “chose” our parents and our lives and the people and events in it. If we just think positively enough, or are “spiritual” enough we will have total and complete control over every aspect of our existence.

A Kundalini Awakening quickly breaks through that delusion. Kundalini awakenings are like a volcano of not-control, ripping through our lives and destroying any false notion of control we may have. Of course, some of you reading this may have gone through gentler awakenings and are merely pondering how much control you have, or if the memes and “secrets” about how when we awaken we have total and complete control over our lives is true.

It is not. The funny part about “waking up” is that you realize how much you have scrambled to believe things that are false, what illusions you have suffered under, and how frequently the opposite of what you once thought is the actual truth of the matter.

Control is an illusion. None of us have control. We have outer control of our “mundane” lives to a certain degree. If we sit on the couch and eat chocolate cake binge watching Netflix rather than going to yoga class that is (at least somewhat) on us. But did we even really make that decision? Maybe we were intended to eat chocolate cake and watch Netflix instead of going to yoga class.

As long as we think that we are in control we will always feel out of control. It is an odd paradox. In a Kundalini awakening most of us desperately want control… and we are taught a brutal lesson about control as our bodies are twitching and contorting and our beliefs and understandings about the world are ripped away from us. The desperate need for control causes us to clamp down, to attempt to stop the process, which only succeeds in making things much worse.

We do not have control. We never did, and never will. If we give up this idea of always being in control, of needing to be in control, and all of our mental constructs about control we can fully just be. No more planning, no more endless mental constructs about how we are going to be so much in control in our lives, or if we only were in control this and this would happen, and if we could just think hard enough or be enough or do enough we could finally have control.

We obsess about control. We let it rule our lives. If we are undergoing a spiritual awakening like a Kundalini awakening, we want to control the process because it seems to be happening despite us. The end result of this is that in the rare moments things may be going well in our lives and we feel in control we feel in power. And all the other times we fall victim to the endless thoughts of what would only happen if we had control and how our lives would be different.

None of us have control. It is incredibly freeing to let go of control, to let go of any illusions that you have control. In a Kundalini awakening it is crucial… it is one of the big tests and initiations in fact… to go beyond control, to realize that you do not in fact have any control over your existence.

Once you let go of this control you realize that you do, ironically, have some control. Of external circumstances, in a certain regard. But for the big stuff, the huge choices and “if only” and all of the stuff we obsess about we can simply let it all go. We can simply be. We can simply allow. And when you do that what flows into your life does to a higher degree, and when you make a decision you simply make the decision that you should make. The endless mental chatter is gone.

When we let go of control we allow for people, things, events, and everything in our life to be orchestrated by the divine. It flows through all of the layers of “reality” to our external, mundane, every-day reality. We become who we are meant to be, do what we are meant to do, and eat chocolate cake if it is the right time for chocolate cake.

By participating in life this way we know what opportunities, what energies, and what paths we should walk. We seize on opportunities when presented to us because they are the right opportunities. And when something “bad” happens to us, we do not think that “if we only did something differently” or beat ourselves up for not being a different person. It happened, it was intended to happen, and we move on (with the right sort of help or support system if necessary, of course).

By letting go of control, or our ideas about control, we can simply be. And if you are going through a significant spiritual awakening, such as a Kundalini awakening, it was intended to happen. You cannot stop it, you are not in control of it. Stop thinking of it as an adversarial force, stop stopping it and restricting it. Get to know what it is doing and why. Learn how to work with it.

If you are interested in working with me, you can contact me

Boundaries: Part One

One of the things that is most common in my field to hear about is boundaries.  If I could count the amount of times that people gave the vague advice of “having boundaries” without any sort of follow-up thoughts or advice about actually developing boundaries, it would probably be in the low hundreds.

People love to give vague advice. If you have a spirit in your house, you should sage. If you are sensitive, you should ground. If you have difficulties with other people, you should develop boundaries. While all of this may be right on (except for the sage thing, but that is another blog), it doesn’t really offer any actual advice or actual knowledge. It is just yet more surface material, surface understandings.

So let us explore this in depth. What is a boundary? We are all familiar with concrete boundaries– the boundary of our property line, or our state. But we also have energetic and emotional boundary lines. These may be the same or they may be quite different.

Emotional Boundary Lines
An emotional boundary line is how much we are willing to give of ourselves emotionally, and how much we allow in to our personal energy body of the emotions of people around us. This can be a huge problem for Empaths, who generally have no boundary lines in this category, or nurturers, who take on the problems of others as their own.

We may notice that we are giving of ourselves in the extreme in this category. This means that we feel emotionally (and often physically) exhausted after encountering others. Sometimes this can be similar to “compassion fatigue” where we give away our emotions of peace, love, and other positive emotions so that people who are having difficulty can experience them. It is not a bad thing to radiate love, or bliss, or joy, or peace… but it is if it is depleting our own reserves. The peace and comfort and joy we offer others should radiate through us sourced from divinity, and not tap into our personal emotional bank so we end each day exhausted. I think of a lot of nurses when I think of this category, many of whom radiate a compassionate and helpful energy and then end their days unable to move or express love and emotion to their family because they are so burned out.

We also may be a total sponge, and taking in the emotions of others to the point that it is unhealthy to us. We may not even know we are doing this, that the emotions we are experiencing are not ours. We may even have trouble with our own identity (if we are super sensitive) because we are saturated in the emotional stimuli of others.

Although this is simplistic, it really is true that there are givers and takers in this world. Many, many people are takers. In terms of this category, it means that there are many of you out there who take on emotions of those who surround you in order to keep the peace, because you feel you need to, or it may be really unconscious behavior on your part. Many people who take on the emotions of others find themselves surrounded by chaotic, troubled emotionally people. This is because the emotionally troubled chaotic people love you… because they feel better after they give you all of their emotions and chaos.

You may instead notice yourself as a dramatic person, or simply someone who has high emotions (or emotions like a roller coaster) who feels a surge of emotions and automatically notices yourself reaching for the phone, or another person such as a partner, family member, or friend to release your emotions to. You may not realize that instead of managing your emotions that your friend/partner has actually taken them on for you.

Energetic Boundaries
We also have energetic boundaries. These obviously can be similar to emotional boundaries, but can be quite different. We all have a physical body, which we think has quite concrete boundaries. Our skin, basically. But we also have energetic boundaries. Some of us may be aware of further energetic body boundaries than others (we actually have a series of energy bodies that surround us and most people are aware and can be aware of the ones closest to them/skin level).

These energetic boundaries allow for stimuli coming from the outside to come in. This can be anything from scents to emotions to physical presence (we have all felt that person that is in our personal field that we just want to back away from us). It can also be what we allow to happen to us, what we think we deserve, and what we are willing to put up with. 

I always thank my clients for this, because the people I interact with have allowed for me to have boundaries and to constantly refine them. People looking for spiritual help will test every single loophole, every single boundary, every single personality weakness or vagueness that you have. It has been a real blessing to be able to constantly work on my boundaries, especially because I used to not have any (total sponge) and I have had to build them up one by one so I wasn’t and am not constantly run over by people, spirits, energies, and so forth that do so because they want something from me, or just because they can.

I am not a law of attraction person (for reasons I will not get into here)… but what I will say is that what you think you deserve you will get. If you do not think you deserve to get paid for your work, you will not. And you will get angry at every person who comes to you looking for free stuff. If you think that you deserve to get paid, you still will get people looking to get free stuff, but you will just let them go without any sort of resentment or issues on your part.

If you have taken care of many of your boundary issues (like I have) you will have people that come to you to test your boundaries and offer you the gift of refining them. I really love to help people, to be of assistance to people, but there are many people who are mentally ill who contact me, there are people who I feel like I have the tools to help but the energies I work with say “no”, there are many people who contact me who attempt to take advantage of me by constantly emailing me and asking me for things that are outside of my comfort zone (and outside of the boundaries of what any grounded, reasonable person would ask), and there are people who would really be better served by working with someone local (in-person). Just FYI- I love when people contact me. But I have boundaries. And I stick to them. And if the energies I work with say “no” I have learned to listen because otherwise things go really wrong (and do when I don’t listen).

Simply put, we all should have rules and boundaries for what we accept into our lives. What we are willing to take on. Who we are willing to take on. How much stimuli we are, what type, and through what channels. We should have an unwritten (or written, as that can be helpful) for what sort of behavior, energies, emotions, and other experiences we are willing to allow into our world. And then we should embody that contract we have written for ourselves about what we accept and what we believe to be true about ourselves. We should magnify it and let it radiate from our energy field.

This is not a control thing. Stuff will still happen. But if we do not have these rules defined in our world, in our energy field, we will continue to have people who use us, who control us, who dump their energy into us. If we do not have these rules we may never learn how to manage our emotions and will dump our emotions onto the nearest sponge (taker/person). We do have a lot of control over our energy field, over our belief systems, and what we allow to present and come through to us. We may not have control at larger levels, but we are blessed with an energy field that we can refine and work with.

Part Two of Boundaries will be about how to set up a contract with yourself… and how to set up your emotional field and energetic field to embody that contract. 

On Being an Empath

One of the most commonly talked about and thought about psychic abilities these days is Empathy. But what exactly is an Empath? What does it mean to be Empathic?

In many circles I see this as a source of difficulty– a wide variety of people belaboring the moon cycles, or crowds, or an Earthquake in a far off land as a source of great pain and discomfort for themselves. And while this is true, and can and does certainly happen, it certainly misses out on the positive aspects of being an Empath, and is largely the perspective of the unskilled (meaning lacking the understanding and tools to navigate the ability).

A lot of people I find also announce themselves as an Empath when they do not have much information on it, and will assume that they are one because of a meme or quiz on Facebook or a short article somewhere, or because it is a term that they heard basic information on (and they don’t know anything about other psychic abilities). While this is in no way dangerous, knowing what our dominant psychic ability is (basically how we take in information) is how we both understand and develop the capabilities to work with our sensitivities (the PC word for psychic abilities these days it seems).

We all have a dominant psychic ability– a way that we take in information. Even the most asleep, clouded individual who is in no way psychic (and would likely loudly denounce the term) sometimes takes in information that other people in the room might not notice. This can be through felt sense, visually, hearing, taste, smell, and/or feelings.

Being psychic in a simple sense just means that we take in information that is beyond our culturally accepted notions of what “reality” is. We think of reality as being somewhat concrete. Five people walk into a room and they all agree that a desk is in there. This is concrete reality. Two people may notice two things about the desk, one may notice three, one may notice twelve, and one may notice forty-five. The last two people, in simple terms, are psychic. They notice more than other people do, and are likely noticing things that are outside of what we commonly accept as “reality”.

So what is an Empath then? There are actually different degrees of being an empath. For simplicity I will refer to them as low, medium, and high. Empathy in itself simply means that you take in that information, feelings, and experiences of the people and situations around you like a sponge. Likely most of us (especially if you are reading this) have had an experience of being in a room with someone who is really angry and then feeling angry ourselves– not because we are actually angry but because we actually soaked in that energy.

Empaths are energetic chameleons. There are different psychic abilities that would create the situation that if we were in a room with an angry person our Stomach may hurt (Clairsentient, which most people who consider themselves as Empaths actually typically are, and is something that also happens to most Empaths to a certain degree). But while someone who is faced with a lot of stimuli and gets a headache or stomachache because of it (and this is something that normally happens to the person when they are faced with an overwhelm response), the Empath will get a headache because someone else has that headache, they will get a stomachache when someone else has a stomachache, they will get angry because someone else is angry.

Empaths energetically change themselves, like chameleons, to the dominant energy of the room, a person in that room, the environment, the weather, or even the world. 

In low level Empaths they may just notice not feeling well, they may notice that when they encounter someone angry that they take on that emotion. They will often call themselves sensitive, or will notice that they are sensitive, and will have trouble with crowds, with chaos, with difficult emotions. They will be able to connect deeply to people and will be able to see people for who they truly are (behind all the masks and lies and other stuff people put up to survive). They will be able to tell when people are lying.

In mid level Empathy the person will have all the traits of a low-level Empath but will also use their sponge- like abilities to soak in/change their energetic structure to match the weather, the environment, political upheavals, the room they are in, the internet, their electronics (yes, this is where difficulty with electronics can come in and most mid or high level Empaths cannot wear watches because they just stop them). The mid-level Empath unless they are aware of what is going on is often in a fair amount of pain (physical pain) and doesn’t know why they feel like crap so much of the time, and why their emotions are always all over the place.

In high level Empathy the person will have the traits of low and mid-level Empathy. They also will feel major shifts with the world, the cosmos, the fluctuations in the Earth (volcanoes, for example) from even far away. Most high-level Empaths actually process these events in their bodies like a fault line for the Earth (a topic I can get to in another day). A high level Empath who is unskilled (who doesn’t know what is going on or hasn’t found any tools to deal with it) is often in a great deal of pain and is often not able to be functional in the world. In some high-level Empaths there also is the ability to not only resonate and take on energies like a chameleon there is the permanent shifting of their energetic structure after. This can happen with some skills (like sculpting for example, where the person is around a sculptor, resonates with them, and permanently takes on an ability to sculpt) but happens with psychic abilities as well. For example, I have worked with plenty of high-level Empaths who have found people who can see grids, or can communicate with the dead, who after their encounter with them now have the ability to do so themselves on a permanent basis.

In many cases of mid and high level Empathy it is difficult for the person to have an identity– to know who they really are. This is because they are processing and assimilating so much information that is not them. This means that it is difficult to know what is vs. what is not actually themselves. Mid/high level empaths may feel quite lost or feel that there is so much stimuli around them that they are constantly on overwhelm. These are all skills that can be learned and worked with and even the highest level Empath can discover who they really and truly are.

All of these Empaths (low, mid, or high) require the right skills and understandings to navigate their world. A fair amount of Empaths think that empathy is just torture, and it is an odd torture that they on some level enjoy. They enjoy going into chat rooms and groups about psychic abilities or “shifts” and finding others in their same situation to complain about how the current shift, or astrological phenomena, or person in the bar has caused them pain and finding other Empaths to be in a pain field with. People are where they are, and if they wish to have that pain, or the label of Empath means pain and difficulty to them, they can stay with it.

But there is so much more, and with the right tools and understandings Empaths can really thrive. You do not need to be in pain, you do not need to lament your existence because you are so sensitive. Empathy contains a lot of useful skills that allow for you to feel life on a different level than most, for you to care for people and understand people on a really deep level. For you to make a huge difference in the world. At the very least knowing when people are lying is an incredibly useful skill. I have helped many Empaths become functional, learn skills, and learn to thrive in a world where “sensitive” is still not considered an admirable or useful trait. I offer 3 or 6 month programs as well as individual sessions for Empaths to learn all the skills they need to navigate their experiences, understand their experiences, and learn how to build a functional and quite wonderful (if I do say so myself) life with their abilities as a source of power instead of being a source of constant pain or detriment to their existence. If you are interested, you can contact me.

Letting Go of Toxic People and Energy Vampires

Do you have someone in your life that drains you? Every time you are around them the situation is always about them, their issues, their victimhood, their chaos. We all have people in our lives like that. People who are toxic, lost, chaotic, broken, severely traumatized, or narcissistic. Some of us have people in our lives who go beyond that and are significantly mentally ill or toxic to the point that they have lost all source of reason. Some people are Energy Vampires, or people that suck all of the energy out of the people and even environments that they interact with.

There was a point that I had someone like this in my life. Over the years I soaked in new-ager mythologies about how “we create our reality” and that everyone was an extension of myself. I believed that somehow my emotions and beliefs and woundings created this person and their mental illness, their victimhood, and their inability to not only be unable to take care of themselves but a lashing out and toxicity towards anyone that tried to get them help or was compassionate towards them.

In my own life since I was relatively sane and stable I tried to have compassion for this person. I tried to see them as an extension of myself. I tried to reason with myself that they didn’t understand what they were doing. But I realized that in doing so I was harming myself.

It is great that we take responsibility for ourselves, for our lives. Most of us do not. Most of us are still fully asleep in our own lives and not able to take much responsibility for our lives. We feel victimized by our lives, our circumstances. Some of us begin to awaken and we begin to believe that we have total responsibility for our lives. In fact, we are the creators of our own world, and anything that goes wrong with it is because we are not thinking right or acting right.

It is our fault, basically. This type of thinking is yet another illusion, and it is problematic. It is wonderful when we begin to take responsibility for our lives. We really should. Most of us don’t. But there is another layer, that of the people around us creating their own lives, our communities creating the reality of our communities, and our world creating the reality of the world. We are not the center of the universe. We dream our world into existence only to a certain extent. And beyond that we dream our world into being as families, societies, and the world… and beyond that we are part of divinity, and divine flows, and sometimes stuff just happens.

Most people do not awaken to this. Most of the world is asleep. And those who are awakening like to believe that they create everything. It is empowering to do so– to believe that you are in total control of everything in your life if you just think and act right. Unfortunately, this is a myth. We are not the center of the Universe. We do create our own reality, but so is the person next to us creating theirs. And they may be broken, toxic, asleep, and harmful to you and your wellbeing.

The truth is that even if you think right you may be mugged, that the starving five year old doesn’t need to take personal responsibility for everything. Some things that happen, in fact many things that happen, are not because of us or our wrong thinking or acting. It is because of community, societal, or world dreaming… it is because of spiritual divine flows and reasoning and stuff just happening. We are not in control, and we are in control… but only to a certain extent.

It took me a long time to cut this person out of my life because for so long I wanted to believe that if I was only more compassionate, or if I ignored them, or if I tried to reason with them or understood with clarity that they would change. I tried new age reasoning that I created this person, I had compassion for this person, and what ended up happening is that they took advantage of my compassion. Every interaction with them sucked me dry, it made me feel terrible, and I felt responsible for their feelings and their brokenness because I am sane and stable and they are far from it.

While I suggest to everyone that they see if they can mend their relationships, especially with family, and work through ancestral and personal traumas (the whole taking personal responsibility thing) it is important to note that there are people out there that no matter how much you heal yourself will not heal. You healing your own thoughtforms will not bring someone out of mental illness. You healing your own addictive tendencies will not cause anyone else to stop being an addict. We are responsible for our ourselves, our own beliefs, our own traumas… but other people have their own that we really have nothing to do with. Again, we are not the center and sole creator of the Universe. We just are not.

When you get to a point of clarity about what you can and cannot take personal responsibility for it is a choice to have certain people in your life, even if they are family or close friends. A relationship should be an equal energetic exchange, meaning that you give and receive 50 percent in a relationship. A lot of relationships don’t do this– it may be 60/40 or 30/70. A lot of these relationships can be worked with and healed. But there are some relationships that are 10/90 or 0/100 and these are toxic and can be harmful to us. With the clarity of how we feel and what we are receiving from this person, we can make a logical and compassionate decision to not have a toxic person or an Energy Vampire in our lives.

By saying this I am not saying to abdicate responsibility for an autistic child, or a mentally ill family member, or a friend who is an addict. But there is a questioning process here of how much of an impact they have on us, how much energy we are willing to give, how much of our own sanity we are willing to give. If it is an autistic child this may be a much greater percent than an addict. I cannot tell you what to do in your own life. But what I can say is that it is worth questioning if the energy vampire friend, the narcissist who is unable to listen you or anything you say, the mentally unsound family member who creates nothing but violence and chaos, or the work colleague who you feel extremely drained by are people who you wish to extend your own energetic reserves, emotions, and general sanity for.

Ideally all of our lives can be peaceful, and filled with people who bring energy and beauty into our lives. As we awaken we may notice that the people we once held as friends, the family members who once pulled us into their own issues, and the work environment we once disliked but couldn’t put an exact reason why are toxic or even dangerous for us. We may naturally find ourselves parting from these environments. This may be a painful process. We may find how we have engendered these people and places and need to take personal responsibility for our part in creating them. But we also may find out that these people and environments are toxic all on their own and decide that the best decision is to sever ties from them.

I will say that it is typical in the awakening process to see the patterns in everything and everyone… except our own… especially at first. To see everyone around us and even the world as a toxic and horrible place. At this point it is healthy and relevant to look back at ourselves and heal ourselves. Later we can remain with people who have trauma and issues and even the worst energy vampire/ taker of energy in the world and be okay. But it is our ability to make that conscious choice of who we want to interact with, who we want to have in our lives that is key. And it is okay to let some people and situations go if they are not serving us.